Page 107 of Naive in Love

Preston pokes his head into my room. “I’ll be back in a few, and Lena is going to pick us up something to eat. Just rest.”

I nod my head, unable to form words. This chapter in my life feels over with the closing of the front door. I lay on my bed trying to bottle the emotions that are bubbling to the surface. The room feels like it is closing in around me, the air being sucked out. All I want is to disappear and hide from all the painful emotions. I jump up, grabbing my purse, keys, and suitcase. I throw everything in my car and take off. My destination unknown, all that is certain is the need to avoid anyone and everyone.

Luckily my car is not too far gone, still drivable, but very ugly. Having a nice, pretty car is the least of my worries right now. Explaining to my dad why I will need to get my car fixed yet again is another stress to add to my ever-growing list of things weighing me down.

My embarrassment at the incident and having Ethan’s dad know I dated Caleb, and especially, Ethan’s rejection is too much to handle at the moment. I begin driving home to my parents’, but my exhaustion and tears have me pulling in at a hotel.

I check in quickly, knowing my appearance is making the person working the desk uncomfortable.

In the room, I open my suitcase grabbing my toiletries bag. I need a shower. I wish I could scrub away the feelings tearing me apart. I dry myself off and wrap myself up in a large towel. I push clothes aside looking for panties and a shirt. When we repacked in New Orleans, I packed a couple of Ethan’s dirty shirts. I grab one and pull it over my head, breathing his scent in, not caring it is dirty. I want to be surrounded by him. I pop a Benadryl and turn out every light, crawling into the large king-size bed and willing sleep to take me.

Instead of sleep, thoughts invade my mind. All that has happened is my fault, and I cannot see Ethan wanting to continue in any relationship with me now that it has culminated this way. Preston’s attitude was a telling indication of what is to come. Distance. Preston wouldn’t even let me do something as simple as go to the bondsman with him. Rick would encourage Ethan to end things because of the bad exposure for the Hayes family. Ethan does not need this in his life with his family already at his throat.

My phone rings with Lena’s name, so I turn it off.

How will I handle this? How? That is the last coherent thought I have before finally drifting off.

The hotel phoneringing startles me awake. Who could be calling me? I answer, thinking there must be some mistake and pissed I’m awake and thinking again.

“Hello?”

“Sophia Isabella? What are you doing?” My dad’s voice travels through the phone firm, his Spanish pronunciation of my name informing me of his anger.

“Uh…” I’m not able to form words.

“Answer me.” My dad’s tone turns stern.

“I…uh…how did you know to call me here?” I ask, confused.

“I looked at your credit card activity. Now answer me. Why are you at a hotel?” More tears begin to flood my eyes as I begin the story of our San Antonio arrival.

“Why were you looking at my credit card activity?”

“Preston called us this morning when none of your friends could get a hold of you. We tried your cell, but it’s off.”

I feel awful for worrying my parents, but my need to hide still outweighs everything.

“I’m coming home as soon as I can get myself together. I just can’t drive without crying right now. Can I stay?”

“As long as you need. Call us later and tell us your plans.” He sounds more relaxed.

I lay wide awake now and notice the light peeking behind the heavy curtains. I glance at the clock by the bed and realize I slept all night, and it is already past check out. My stomach growls, so I place a room service order and tuck myself in again, hiding from the world.

I am awoken by a knock on my door. Ready to eat, I jump up and open the door. My jaw drops when I see a disheveled Ethan. I wonder if my mind is so screwed up right now that I am hallucinating, but the feel of his arms around me voids that notion. He picks me up and walks us into the room. He places me back down and holds me to his chest tightly. Frightened to say or do the wrong thing, I stay quiet, relishing the present moment before my world crashes down around me again.

Ethan pulls back, and the emptiness his movement causes is almost unbearable. I will myself not to cry in front of him, knowing I have an infinite amount of time to drown myself in tears once he leaves.

"Sophia, look at me." I wish he would just walk out and leave me to my misery. Knowing I'm not strong enough to look at him and keep control, I keep my head down. He places his hand on my chin and tries to lift my gaze, but I jerk it out of his grip and walk to the window, keeping my back to him.

"Baby, talk to me. What's going on?" His presence behind me feels comforting and painful at the same time.

I stay quiet fearing my voice will betray me, that I’ll beg him not to leave me. He places his hands on my shoulders and pulls me back against him again. The knot in my throat burns as I fight to hold on to all the emotions rising so very close to the surface. One word or look could send me into hysterics, and I need to be able to control the situation. I need him to leave. I grab his hands, which are wrapped around my shoulders, and pry them apart to attempt the agonizing walk to the door.

“Stop it, dammit! Talk to me! Why are you here?” he demands harshly.

All my controlled effort to avoid this confrontation vaporizes. “To hide!” I yell back.

My fragile ego takes its last hit before shattering to a million pieces. Whatever force that kept me standing and functioning up to this point is obliterated; my legs crumble under me. I hide my face in my hands as a new batch of tears escape.

---