Page 74 of Montana Mystery

“Coming right up.”

I made a mental note to find out what kind of wine she really liked and get some for here and the house. Everyone else had their favorites here, and if she was going to stay with me for any length of time, she needed hers.

Jude inclined his head as I approached.

“Where’s Daniel?” I asked.

“Phone call with a prospective client. Guess it was the only time it could happen. He’ll be down shortly.”

That happened sometimes. We also knew that wasn’t all of it. While we all harbored our own pasts, Daniel carried guilt. And that guilt made it hard to participate in “family” activities. He’d join us, but if he didn’t, none of us would give him a hard time about it.

“Wine?” Jude asked.

“Yeah. I’ll get her some of whatever she likes for next time.”

Jude smiled as I grabbed the bottle and poured a glass. “I’m glad that you found someone.”

“We don’t know where it’s going yet.” The immediate defensiveness I felt wasn’t because I didn’t want that with her. I did. But I didn’t want to declare something and have it go up in flames. Something deep told me that it would hurt more that way.

“It’s okay if you don’t,” Jude said quietly.

“I know.” A long pause. I put the glass of wine down on the bar and looked at him. “The same goes for you.”

The thin smile didn’t affect anything but his mouth.

Across the kitchen, there was laughter as Grant finally started to cook the steak. I could hear the sizzle of the meat from here.

The room was so much lighter than it should be. It was always dark in the caves. And not laughter. Screaming. Always the screaming.

That sizzling when they hit a nerve of the man in the next room and had to cauterize it before they killed him.

Sizzle.

Sizzle.

Sizzle.

That sound and the way it faded always seemed to echo more than any sound had a right to. The screaming stopped for a little while after that. Good and bad. If they stopped screaming, that meant they were coming for me, and I couldn’t take it anymore. I didn’t want to break, but it was coming.

I couldn’t do this.

I couldn’t do this.

The door to the cell opened and that freezing wind flooded in. It was never going to end, and I needed to fight. I jumped at the man and got nowhere. He was holding me down and it was going to start all over again. I couldn’t breathe and I was going to kill him—

“Noah.” My name was a sharp lance in my brain, clearing everything from my head.

I was still in the lodge, which had gone dead silent. Jude had me up against the wall by the bar. Because I’d tried to attack him just now.

Shame crawled up through my body like a snake, anger following on its heels. The whole room was silent, everyone looking at me. And there was no judgment there. Only concern. Which somehow made it so much worse.

Brandon was looking at me too. If nothing else, this should prove to him we understood what he felt.

Everything had been going well. I was dealing with everything. Why now? Why tonight when Kate was getting to know everyone?

She was the one that I couldn’t look at. I needed to get out of here. Because if I looked at her and saw pity... or fear... I would never recover.

“I’m sorry,” I said to Jude, pushing his hands off me. I was halfway to the door before I could really register that I was moving.

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