Page 54 of The B!tch List

“Oh, come on, Jim, don’t tell me you don’t see it. They’re hot for each other.” Darcy clapped a hand over her heart and gazed between me and Shaw.

Shaw pushed his plate away and turned to me. “I’m sorry about my mother, Nancy. She tends to get a little excitable about stuff that isn’t anything to do with her. Because,” he turned to Darcy, “she’s too damn nosey.”

“It’s fine,” I replied, shifting uncomfortably in my seat. “I need to get going soon. I have an early start in the morning.”

“Please don’t let Darcy scare you away,” Jim said, giving his wife a nudge in the ribs. “Stay for dessert.”

“Please do, honey,” Darcy said with a sigh. “I’m sorry.”

I looked at Shaw who was looking down at the table and decided that it might just torment him if I stayed. Who wouldn’t want to torment Shaw Jackson if they had a chance.

“I’d love to stay for dessert, thank you.”

Jim patted my hand and then he and Darcy got up and started to clear the table. I sat back in my chair and picked up my glass of water and turned to Shaw.

“Your mom is kind of excitable, isn’t she?”

He looked up and gave his head a small shake. “She’s a nightmare but I guess I’m used to it.”

“She means well.”

He grinned. “Imagine us having kids together though.”

“I know, right.” I gave him a cross between a smile and a grimace.

“Fucking hideous,” he replied.

My heart thudded hard, and I felt like he’d punched me in the gut. I knew we didn’t get along, but that was just mean.

“Can’t think of anything worse,” I responded, crossing my arms over my chest. “In fact, I think I’d rather kiss Jim Wickerson than you ever again.”

He smiled. “Same here and he’s really not my type.”

“Here we go,” Darcy said gleefully placing a plate down on the table. “Strawberry pie, kids and you know what they say about strawberry pie.”

Shaw sighed. “What would that be, Mom?”

“It’s an aphrodisiac.” She gave us a huge wink.

“Wow,” I replied. “Is that so.”

“It is,” Darcy answered, cutting into the pie as Jim sat down. “So, I’ll give you two a big piece each.”

Shaw groaned and I cleared my throat.

“You got plans for after dinner, Nancy?” Darcy asked.

“Yes,” I said, making sure to kick Shaw under the table as I crossed my legs. “I’m going to visit with Jim Wickerson later.”

I wasn’t sure whether it was the size of his piece of pie which made Shaw choke or the fact by association he may end up kissing the local pig farmer.

Nancy’s Bitch List for Shaw

Maximus Douchimus

Captain Shitsmear

Shit Talking Cock Womble

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