Page 37 of The B!tch List

“The soccer team’s one for you is pretty cool.” Carter smirked and pointed out to the audience.

“It’s embarrassing. It makes me seem like some sort of… well, a whole manner of things.”

The three of us leaned to one side to look out into the crowd and there in neon orange and green was my sign.

“Nancy we want you to ride our feces?” Garner turned to me and shuddered. “What is wrong with these kids?”

“It’s not feces Garner,” Carter said with a sigh. “Put your glasses on.”

Garner took his glasses from the top of his head, put them on and read the sign. He turned back and gasped.

“Don’t worry about it, Garner,” I said, patting his arm. “I’m not going to do it.”

Garner was the high school guidance counsellor and was looking at me like I needed to be kept in a locked cage well away from eighteen-year-old boys.

As Garner walked away, Carter and I burst out laughing. It was kind of funny even though it was highly inappropriate.

“I reckon that could be a thing though,” Carter said, nodding toward the audience.

“What? Me riding the faces of the soccer team?”

“God no.” He grimaced. “That would be disgusting. No, I mean riding someone’s feces. I think that could be a thing.”

“Carter!”

“Not for me,” he cried. “What do you take me for. No, I reckon that it could be a thing for some people, just not me.”

God, sometimes I had to wonder about him.

A half hour later and there was still no sign of Shaw, but Garner and I were on stage as he was ready to announce the winner. When he told everyone that Shaw couldn’t make it the high school girls practically yelled the place down. Carter even had to get security to throw them out and seeing as security was Hunter and Billy Daniels, the high school’s former QB1 and now college football star who was home visiting, they weren’t too concerned.

“Ladies and gentlemen, we have our result,” Garner said to a chorus of oohs and aahs. “Are you ready for it?”

Everyone yelled they were and then Garner made a huge show of opening the envelope, accompanied by a drum roll from Trudy Johnson of the school marching band.

“Garner hurry up,” someone called from the back of the room. “I have my woman waiting for me back home.”

Everyone turned to see who it was they all burst out laughing when they saw that it was Kingsley Riley from the livestock auction who everyone knew was gay. It was the worst kept secret in town,

Anyways, Garner shook his head and continued to milk the crowd.

“And the winner is…”

Another drum roll.

“It’s—”

“I’m here. I’m here.” It was Shaw rushing onto the stage, looking flustered but a whole lot of sexy with his hair messed up and his tee tucked into the waistband on his jeans on one side and untucked on the other.

“What the hell?” I muttered. I turned to the wings to Carter. “He can’t just rock up here like he’s the star.”

Carter shrugged and then turned away to talk to Mrs. Callahan who was still complaining about being eliminated. The woman never gave up. I’d heard that she was making Mr. Callahan sleep on the couch even though they had two spare bedrooms.

“What’s wrong,” Shaw asked as he sidled up beside me. “Afraid that you may cry in front of me when they hand over the trophy?”

I frowned. “Whatever, Shaw. I don’t really care whether you win or not. Let’s face it you’re only going to spend the vouchers in Stars & Stripes.”

He shrugged and I moved away from him to the other side of Garner.

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