Page 38 of The B!tch List

“Get on with it,” Henry Maples shouted from the audience.

Garner pouted and gave a dramatic roll of his eyes. “The winner is…” He nodded at Trudy to do her stuff and when someone took a breath in the audience, he held up a palm to shut them up. “And the winner is… it’s a tie.”

“What the hell?” Someone cried.

“No way,” a high school girl yelled.

“All that damn drumming for nothing,” Henry cried. “No offence, Trudy.”

Trudy smiled, glancing over at Austen, Shaw’s brother who looked less than happy to be there, and blushed. It appeared that both the Jackson brothers had game.

“What happens now?” Shaw asked, frowning at me like I’d fixed the result.

Garner looked panic stricken as he leaned back to look to the wings for advice from Carter. “I… well, I…Carter!”

Carter came shuffling onto the stage, and I say shuffling because Mrs. Callahan was clinging to him. Her arms were wrapped around his and her feet were firmly planted on the floor as Carter dragged her in like they were doing a paso doble routine on Dancing with the Stars.

“Mrs. Callahan,” he gritted out, “get the hell off of me.”

“No, not until you agree to let me into the sing off.”

“No. You were voted off!”

“By my own husband, surely there’s a rule against that.”

“Carter,” Garner yelled, almost busting my ear drum. “What do we do now!”

“Okay,” Carter said looking down at the limpet on his arm. “I warned you.”

Carter shook Mrs. Callahan off like a dog shaking a rag. She went flying across the stage on her ass and landed on the judges table, on her back with her legs and arms flapping in the air like a break dancer. Mr. Callahan stood up and as he did, he caught her leg sending her in a spin.

“Oh crap on a crapstick,” Garner muttered as Mrs. Callahan screamed loud enough to be heard in Florida.

Crap on a crapstick indeed because she spun clean right off the table and onto judge Delphine’s lap. Amid all the chaos the audience were howling with laughter and seemed not to care any longer that proceedings were taking an age.

Carter gave Mrs. Callahan a perfunctory check and then took the microphone from Garner.

“Okay folks in the result of a tie it did mean a sing-off.”

“God damnit,” Henry yelled. “Is this night ever going to end.”

“Thank you, Father,” Carter growled in his dad’s direction. “Appreciate it.” He then shook his head. “Anyways, itdidmean a tie.” He looked at his dad. “But in light of the fact that we all have stuff to do tomorrow, I declare a tie.”

“We know that,” Shaw said. “You already told us.”

“What that means,” Carter continued. “Is they split the winnings, and each have a trophy. Well, they will do once I ask Jacob Crowne to order another.”

“Just a minute there,” Mr. Callahan said, banging on the table and totally ignoring the fact that his wife was scrambling off Delphine’s knee with her ass in the air. “The rules say that there is one winner and one trophy and one set of vouchers.”

“Well, I’m in charge this year,” Carter said, pinching the bridge of his nose. “And I’m saying that they share. Next year if you’re in charge then you can decide what happens if there’s a tie.”

“Shit we haven’t got to sit through this again next year, do we?” Henry cried.

“Dad, please.” Carter pointed a finger in Henry’s direction. “I do not want to have to evict you.”

Henry stood and held his wrists out in front of him. “Sheriff, quick take me away now. I give myself up.” Melinda, Carter’s mom, then reached up and dragged him back into his seat.

“Thank you, Mom.” Carter turned to the wings and snapped his fingers.

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