Page 84 of Samuel
“No, Maisie, that’s not my style and even if it was there’d be no way I’d use a blanket I’d had a quick, meaningless fuck on for you.”
“What for a picnic or a quick, meaningless fuck?” I asked, the words out of my mouth before I even had chance to tell myself to shut up.
“There’s nothing quick and meaningless about how I feel about you,” he replied, reaching up to brush my hair over my shoulder. “I thought we’d already established that.”
His fingers lingered on the sensitive skin on my neck, and as quickly as I drew in a lustful breath, he’d turned away and gone back to arranging the food. I watched him carefully, drinking in his taught muscles and handsome profile, quenching my thirst on the beauty of him. He was a gorgeous man, of that there was no doubt, but I’d had a relationship without the desire, with a man who I loved because he was supportive, and I’d had tried being with Sam simply for the incredible sex, but neither had satisfied me. I wanted the desire and the mind blowing sex, but I wanted someone to be a partner too, like Josh had been in the first couple of years before he changed. I wanted someone who would help me with life, to help me make decisions. I didn’t want to be strong all the time, I needed someone to share things with. I wanted it all and I was sure I wanted it with Sam, which scared the shit out of me still, despite his words in the car earlier.
“Okay, take a seat.” Sam waved a hand toward the blanket. “Let’s eat.”
* * *
“Okay next question,” Sam said as we lay back on the blanket, looking up at the clear sky. “How old was he when he first asked about his dad?”
Sam wanted to know more about Frankie and the years he’d missed and I’d been answering his questions for almost an hour. He’d asked all sorts of things, wanting to know Frankie’s first words, his favourite food and even what he’d worn on his first day at school. While I’d answered, I’d tried to make a mental note of all he asked, thinking I’d put a photograph album together of as many of those occasions as I could.
“He was just five,” I replied. “The kids at school had been talking about their dads and he came home that night and asked me. Josh had moved in, but Frankie knew he wasn’t his dad, so he asked where his was.”
I remembered that night clearly, and being unsure what to say, I’d looked at Josh who was staring at me intently, but I knew that I didn’t want to lie and tell Frankie that he was his dad. I often wondered whether Josh held that against me, and whether that was why he’d never bonded with Frankie, but it was something I would never know and didn’t actually care about any longer.
“What exactly did you say?” Sam asked, his voice unsure. “I know it was something about me leaving before I knew about him.”
“Exactly that. That you left before you knew about him and that I couldn’t find you to tell you.
Sam let out an unsteady breath and I felt for his hand on the blanket next to mine.
“He accepted it Sam,” I replied, turning my head to face him.
“And then he finds out I was just a fucking shit who didn’t give a damn.”
“Sam, he doesn’t care.”
He looked back up to the sky. “I’m glad he knows the truth Maisie, but I don’t want him to hate me for it.”
“The fact that he hasn’t questioned either of us about it since we told him should tell you something, shouldn’t it?”
Sam shrugged and turned his gaze back to me.
“That he doesn’t care,” I answered. “I know him and if he was really upset about it, he’d have asked me a load of questions and would have been wary around you, but he isn’t; he loves you already. He idolised you when he thought you were only his swimming coach and the man who protected us from Josh, but it’s gone to a whole new level now you’re his dad.”
“You think so?”
“Yes, now what’s your next question?”
Sam leaned up on one elbow and looked down on me, deliberating what his next question would be. As his eyes grazed down my face and then my body, all my senses started to tingle. His breathing was steady as he took in my hands resting on my stomach and down my bare legs to my pink painted toes.
Slowly Sam’s eyes travelled back up and when they rested on my face he took his bottom lip into his mouth and sucked on it as he perused me. The want in his gaze sent adrenalin rushing around my body, heating my skin and turning my nipples hard.
I wondered how we’d gone from me answering questions about Frankie, to him making me wet just by looking at me.
“Sam?”
“Okay my next question,” he said, lowering his face to mine. “Can I kiss you?”
I blinked rapidly, stupidly thinking I had a choice and that I could tell him no, but my body was arguing with my stupid brain. It was telling it that I was an idiot if I didn’t give this man a chance, that all he wanted was to prove himself and that I should give him that opportunity.
“If this goes wrong,” I whispered with Sam’s lips merely inches from mine.
“We deal with it, like adults, but I’ll swear I’ll do everything in my power to make this work.”
