Page 15 of Memories of the Past

Thomas shrugged, a slight smile coming to his lips. “Oh, not that much really. Just a little bit of it. However, I think you should read it.”

I reached for the book, but before I could grab it, Thomas placed his large hand down on it first. “You look exhausted, and it looks like you could use some help around here,” he said, looking around the book shop.

“So?”

“So, I thought that while I’m in town here, maybe I could get some things done for you.”

I couldn’t help but laugh to myself. “Why would you want to help me? Besides, you’re not a handyman.” I looked to Thomas, the expression on his face serious as he stood there. When he didn’t say anything, I grabbed the notepad that sat beside the register and began making a list of all the things that needed to be repaired or repainted, all the things that I had no time to do without shutting down the store for a week or two, then I ripped the paper from the notepad and held it out for him to take. I figured he would take one look at the list and run the other way. Instead, he took the paper and looked down at the list, then lifted his head, his eyes meeting mine, a small smile on his lips.

“What? Let me guess, you aren’t interested? That’s shocking. I won’t expect to see you around here anytime soon,” I bit out, an anger I hadn’t felt in a long time filling my body.

“No, pretty much the opposite. I’ll be here. I have an entire list of things to get done,” Thomas said, holding up the piece of paper.

“What? You mean you aren’t going to leave like you always do?”

Thomas adjusted his stance and met my eyes. “I left once, Trin. People change.”

I put the pencil down and nodded. “And one time was all it took.” I glared. “One time to learn a very hard lesson.”

“Might I remind you that you had an open offer to join me, or have you forgotten that part?” Thomas snapped. “Don’t think for one second I am going to take all the blame here.”

He shoved the diary across the counter toward me. Without a word, his eyes met mine as he folded the list neatly in half and shoved it in his shirt pocket. Then he turned and made his way over to the door.

“Well, I’m certainly not going to take it,” I bit out, expecting him to walk out, but instead he turned back to me and removed his hat.

“Out of curiosity, what lesson was it that you learned exactly?” he questioned.

“Never to fall in love again,” I gritted. “And that you were a huge mistake. You know, come to think of it, I can’t remember a day that has gone by that I don’t wish I could have taken back everything about us.”

Thomas’s eyes fell to the floor the instant the words left my mouth. When I realized what I’d said, I wanted to take each word back. I meant none of them, and my heart ached seeing the look on his face. He didn’t say anything. Instead, he placed his hat back on his head and stepped out the front door, looking both ways. I just wanted to be left alone right now, and for him to leave, but he didn’t. Instead, he turned to me once again. “Where is the hardware store? It’s been moved.”

Carl’s hardware had moved from its old location to a newer building almost seven years ago. “Over off Cardinal Street. Why?”

“Well, I can’t exactly do all these repairs without the proper tools and paint, now can I. So, I’m going to go and get those. I will see you a little later.” The door shut behind him, and I watched as he stopped and turned around, opening the door once again. “Oh, and, Trinity, I know you don’t feel that way. I know you don’t think I was a mistake, or that we were a mistake. I certainly don’t feel that way about you. So do yourself a favor: take my advice and read the diary.”

His words hit me, and before I could say anything, the door shut once again, only this time I watched him walk to his truck. I wanted to stop him and tell him to forget about the list, but before I could get to the door, he’d already driven away. On the surface, I had never been so happy to have someone leave my store. Deep inside, my soul was screaming. I’d been so mean.

I walked over to the chair that sat in the corner and sat down, taking a mental inventory of myself. Then I got up and went into the back storage area and pulled out another box of books and started putting them out. I just needed to keep busy so I could try to keep Thomas Jenkins and all the memories that came with him from my mind.

* * *

I lay in the darkness of my bedroom, the day still weighing heavily on my mind. I’d done everything I could think of to try and clear it. I’d watched TV, tried reading one of my favorite authors, worked on some needlepoint. Hell, I’d even gotten a head start on reconciling this month’s invoices from the store, and yet here I lay with Thomas on my mind. I kept replaying the conversation with Peggy, and then with Thomas. Then the guilt crept in when I realized that I hadn’t even taken a minute to offer him my condolences on his father’s passing. What kind of a person had I become? This wasn’t how Aunt Vi had raised me.

I ran my fingers through my hair and reached up to turn the small bedside lamp on. Luna slept soundly at my feet, curled up in her usual spot, probably dreaming of chasing mice. I reached for the glass of water I’d placed beside my bed and took a sip, my eyes falling to the brown leather-bound book that Thomas had returned.

I lay back down and stared up at the ceiling, my mind wandering back to that book. I looked over at it; it was like it was calling me, then Thomas’s words floated into my mind. ‘Read the diary.’ I let out a deep breath and then reached over and picked it up, opening it up to the middle of the book. I stared down at my aunt’s familiar handwriting. It felt so wrong to read her private thoughts, but I was curious as to why Thomas thought it was so important for me to read. Aunt Vi had always been very private about her past. She never married, never dated, and when I would ask her, she just simply told me that she never found anyone she felt she could spend the rest of her life with.

I flipped back to the front and began reading.

July 5, 1962

Jed Hawkins. That’s the only name on my lips and mind tonight. Jenny and I went into town to get some ice cream and we ran into Ben, Jenny’s boyfriend. Almost makes me think that was the only reason she asked me to go into town. He was with another boy, Jed and he introduced us. I’ve never seen a boy like Jed before, so handsome. Dark brown hair, blue eyes, muscular build no doubt from working on the farm, and one of the gentlest smiles I’d ever seen. Jenny and I got our ice-cream and then the four of us walked down by the cove, Jenny and Ben running off to be alone just like they always do, which left me alone with Jed. At first it was awkward being alone with him but then he told me all about moving here to help on the Jenkins farm, and then he wanted to know all about me. No one has ever wanted to know about me.

July 8, 1962

Mama asked me to take some chicken soup up to the Jenkins Ranch. Mama said that Mrs. Jenkins had been down with a flu and thought it would help her out. I walked up the main walkway, stopping to pick a handful of wildflowers to hopefully help brighten her day and that was when I saw him. He stood against the fence, a piece of grass hanging from his lips, watching me. The way he looked at me was something I only ever read in books.

I stopped reading and allowed the book to fall forward. My mind was racing in all directions. Was this the same Jed Hawkins who had persuaded Thomas to leave me all those years ago? Had Aunt Vi had a relationship with him when she was young? I knew Thomas’s grandparents had owned the ranch prior to William being born. I blew out a breath and flipped ahead a bunch of pages and continued reading. I still felt as if I were invading her privacy.

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