Page 95 of The Star's Sword

My hands dug into his back, as if I could hold onto him forever. As if we could both deny the truth of what I was and what should happen.

His head slumped against my shoulder. “I never wanted this life, before I met you,” he muttered. “You weren’t supposed to make me want to live for the first time, while bringing me my death.”

I held on tight, as tears streamed down my face and onto his shoulders. “I won’t bring you death,” I said. “Maybe we were both wrong. Maybe the Morningstar isn’t supposed to rise, or maybe it’s really Vasara.”

Sam pulled back from me with wild eyes. “Don’t even say it. You know what she is and you know who you are. If you must run from it, if you can’t bear to embrace your fate, not even for the world, or because I’m asking you to, then so be it. But don’t you dare deny what you are. What I’ve known since I met you.”

I blinked at him, then sighed. “I don’t know what I am. Demon to the havens. Celestial to the demons. Dog to the celestials. A fraud to the vampires.”

“Don’t let them determine what you are,” Samael said.

“But what could we even do?” I asked. “Cayne ruined everything.”

“Did Cayne ruin everything or did Vasara by attacking Simon and triggering Cayne’s vengeance?”

I thought about it for a moment, remembering that night. “I don’t know. Simon said he had it in hand.”

“That’s just Simon,” Samael said. “I don’t know what he was planning, but it had clearly gone wrong, and to be honest, if Cayne hadn’t gone off, I might have. You just don’t understand how serious what she was doing probably was.” He rubbed his hand through his curls. “Anyway, I’m not sure what should have been done. But no single moment should determine anyone’s opinion of you.”

“So you want me to go back to those hateful creatures and apologize?”

“Hell no,” Samael said. “I want you to go back and fight Vasara and win, and show the world who you are. That no one can turn you into something you aren’t. Your reality matters, Cleo.”

Tears filled my eyes, because he always knew what to say. And he’d always been such a good person, despite being misjudged, even by me, that I felt ashamed of my selfish actions.

But the love for him burning in my heart like a fire that sustained my very life just wouldn’t let go.

“I can’t, Sam,” I said. “You were probably right not to tell me. Because I never could have stopped myself from falling in love with you. And I never could have gone through with it once I knew.” I pushed away from him and stood, walking between a few trees that were threadbare save for a few leaves. “I’m just one person everyone hates. I can’t save anyone.”

Sam came up from behind, wrapping his arms around me and pulling me in tight, ensconcing me in his warmth. “You already saved me from a life without love. You already gave this child from the darkness a life of light and hope.”

“Only months,” I choked out, holding on to him so tight my knuckles were white. “Sam, you deserve so much more. The world can wait.”

“Please, Cleo,” Sam said. “Don’t do this to me. Don’t make me the reason people are hurt, when all I’ve ever wanted was to save them.”

I pulled away from him, because if I listened to his gentle entreaties any longer, it felt like I would have no choice but to give in.

I whirled to look at him, striding back to the castle. “And all I’ve ever wanted to save was you, so I guess we’re at a stalemate.”

His eyes were haunted as he watched me go, his hands hanging limply at his sides. “Cleo,” he said, finally exasperated. “Cleo, I don’t want to die either, but we’re nothing to this world.”

My hands tightened. “Stop staying that we’re nothing! It’s our world too, Samael!”

“That’s why we must save it!” he yelled back, finally losing his patience with me. His chest was heaving, and I could see the desperation in his eyes.

I could see how much this meant to him. And I could tell the guilt was eating at him, for not telling me sooner and having it come up now.

But none of that mattered any longer.

I was going to save him, no matter what.

32

Iwas striding out of the main courtyard, taking a garden path back to the mini guest castle where we were staying, when I heard a familiar voice call out.

“Cleo!”

Ara.I’d know that rich, throaty voice anywhere. I turned slowly, feeling almost too ashamed to meet the demon queen, knowing I’d given up on ascension.

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