Page 94 of The Star's Sword

“I give up,” I said. “Let her be Morningstar. Everyone hates me anyway. I’ve fought for this world countless times, but no one gave me a chance.” My heart burned painfully. Samael’s eyes were foremost in my mind. “I’ll just stay with him. She can be Morningstar,” I said. I let out a breath, relieved this whole farce could just be over.

Maybe Vasara was the Morningstar, anyway. After all, she had thousands who believed in her, and I only had a handful.

Or maybe I had to believe that, because I was going to set everything I’d trained for aside to have what I wanted.

“Sam,” I said to myself, feeling almost feverish with my new resolution as I went to the shower. A part of me knew this was wrong, that it was shameful, but most of me didn’t care.

He was all I’d ever wanted. The only light in a life of pain. Surely, I deserved to be happy a little bit longer.

“Samael,” I murmured to myself, as I heard Cayne walk out into the hallway, maybe to go get someone else. “I won’t let you go.” I lowered my head as I stepped into the shower, still fully-clothed, letting the water spray over my hair, covering my face. “Not even to save the world.”

31

No one knew how to act around me for the next few days, as I moped, pouted, and tried to reassure myself the world would be fine without me.

Samael for his part had simply nodded when I’d made my announcement. I’d said that I wouldn’t even hear any further discussion on the topic, out of respect for the fact that they all hid this from me all along.

I wasn’t losing him. I wasn’t even going to talk about losing him.

That was final.

Ara’s demons gave me odd glances whenever they saw me in the hallway, walking with Samael.

We’d sit in the garden and hold each other, though words seemed to escape us lately.

Deep down, I knew he was disappointed with me.

But I was sure there was a part of him that was also relieved.

He’d had to carry this for so long, alone. Sometimes that ate at me more than anything else.

Red leaves fell from the trees in Ara’s garden, and I watched them calmly.

“Cleo, we have to talk about this,” Samael said. His arms were wrapped around my waist and I was leaned back against his chest.

I shook my head. “There’s nothing to talk about. The vampires chose Vasara.” I smirked. “It’s not my fault she won’t be destroying ninth realm matter any time soon.”

Sam’s arms tightened around me. “Cleo, you know about my childhood.”

I nodded. “You don’t have to talk about it now.”

“I do,” he said softly. “Because you’re still not getting it. What’s really important in this world.” He raised a hand to brush my hair back and kissed the top of my head. “Obviously, I want to be together with you forever. Obviously, I want every moment I can. Obviously, it will probably hurt to die, and it hurts to think of you without me. But, Cleo.” He rested his head on mine. “It hurts so much more in those dark corners where the ninth realm celestials abuse their power. Living in those corners, looking out of a cage, at a window, waiting for rescue. Rescue that never comes, as your friends die, but no one ever even finds out about their deaths. As you change, as you break, still no one comes.” He was quiet for a moment and leaves rustled in the tree above our bench. I held on tightly. “So when someone does come, you don’t forget it.”

I nodded. “Like when Cayne saved you.”

“The pain of a cage. The pain of knowing others are still in cages. That there will always be more cages, as long as there is power that goes unchecked. Power you were born to help counter.”

“I’m a weapon,” I said. “Hell knows if I’ll even do any good. And if it kills you, how can it be good for the world?” I turned, straddling his lap and cupping his face. “You’re the best demon I know.”

His hand covered mine, and my heart stung with sharp bitterness. I still felt tricked. “It was always a distant idea for me,” he said, leaning into my touch and savoring it, though pain was plain on his face. “The idea of me being destroyed didn’t even factor into how much I dreamed of finding the Morningstar. After so much suffering and torment, I wanted a star to rise so much I didn’t care if it burnt me up.”

“I care.”

“I kept trying not to think about it, once I met you,” Sam said. “I was supposed to find the Morningstar, not fall in love with her.”

He leaned in and kissed me, and his lips were oddly cold at the edges, but still as warm as ever in the center. I wrapped my arms around his neck and opened to him, and felt him bond with me as the cool breeze blew by, the emptiness of the courtyard echoing the odd emptiness in my heart.

He pulled back, placing our heads together, breathing heavily. “Cleo, when was I supposed to tell you? And how?” He held me again. “Tell me what I’m supposed to do to help you claim your destiny in this world. Because I don’t want to take it from you by loving you.”

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