Page 26 of The Life We Almost Had

I watched as she thwacked a red ball into the black, which in turn dropped into the pocket, awarding Josh and Nell the victory.

‘That was a waste of fifty pence,’ I said lightly.

‘Well, if the money means that much to you,’ Anna snapped.

‘Hey.’ I held up my hands. ‘I was just kidding.’

‘No. I’ll give you back your fifty pence.’ She unzipped her purse and tipped a pile of coins on the table, and there it was: her grandad’s coin, which had passed between us several times since the wedding. We both stared at it before Anna scooped everything back into her purse except her grandad’s coin,which she stuffed into my pocket. She wound her arms around my neck and buried her face in my shoulder.

From over the top of Anna’s head I caught the furrow of anxiety between Josh’s eyebrows. He was worried about the way we’d begun to bicker, but I couldn’t expect him to understand the pressure we were under. He mouthed, ‘Drinks?’ and I nodded.

‘Are you Lonesome Tonight?’ began playing from the jukebox – not our song but close enough – and I pressed Anna’s body against mine and began to sway.

‘I’m not in the mood.’ Anna pushed me away. It was only in my head I replied, ‘You never are.’

We lounged on our usual sofa, watching the flames dance in the grate. Josh returned with a tray of drinks. I eyed his glass of frothy pale beer thirstily before picking up my lemonade.

‘So.’ Nell tore apart a beer mat. Separating the layers of cardboard. ‘I’ve news.’

‘What?’ Anna gently took the mat away and held her hand. I think we all expected from Nell’s sombre expression for the news to be bad.

‘You know Chris?’

I nodded.Knowwas a bit of a stretch. She had brought him to play pool with us a couple of times but it had been uncomfortable with Josh glaring at him, and anyway, you couldn’t play doubles with five people. We hadn’t felt bad when he didn’t come back; Nell’s boyfriends never seem to last beyond three dates.

‘I’m moving in with him.’

‘What?’ Anna looked hurt and I’m guessing this was the first she had heard about this.

‘It’s all happened so quickly,’ Nell shrugged. ‘I haven’t had time to tell you.’

Josh stalked away and I felt his pain. He had claimed his one kiss with Nell at our wedding but there hadn’t been anything between them since and I knew he was hoping that one day she would see him as more than just a friend. Minutes later he returned with a bottle of fizz and four glasses.

‘It’s great news.’ He popped open the bottle and it was probably only me who could detect the tell-tale set of his jaw implying that he thought it was anything but great.

He frothed out the bubbling champagne and we toasted Nell and Chris, telling her that we’d like to get to know him better. The alcohol went straight to my head, I hadn’t drunk for such a long time. Anna barely touched hers. I knew she wouldn’t mind driving home.

‘You’re okay about this?’ Nell asked us all, but she was looking at Josh.

‘If you like him, we like him.’ Josh raised his glass. ‘But if he hurts you, I’ll break his fucking legs.’

On the drive home my head was fuzzy. Josh and I had finished the bottle between us and a headache was forming behind my eyes.

I stole a glance at Anna, hunched over the steering wheel. Tension radiating from her.

‘You can’t blame me for having a drink tonight,’ I said.

‘Can’t I?’ she snapped.

‘Anna, it’s been well over a year.’

‘For me too! Don’t you think I miss it? No, of course you don’t, you never think of anything except yourself,’ she was shouting and I couldn’t help shouting back.

‘That’s not bloody fair and you know it.’ I fought to regain my composure. ‘I want a baby as much as—’

‘Do you? Do you though? You wouldn’t know it from the way you were knocking back those drinks.’

‘A few glasses of champagne won’t hurt.’

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