Page 39 of Violent Attraction

No.

Because my world revolved so much around wanting to be with this man that I didn’t realize how fighting to be with him would have changed the person that I needed and wanted to be.

“We were both young,” I squeeze his hand back. “I don’t think that either of us knew what we wanted or needed at the time.”

Santos shifts so that he’s lying on his back, still with my hand in his.

“I knew what I wanted,” he says up to the ceiling, pausing before he continues. “I still know what I want. You.”

When he turns his head to face me again, I see the sincerity of his words in his eyes.

It renders me speechless for a moment but finally I’m able to shake my head and form words.

“You don’t mean that.” I’m sure that he has been with plenty of women these last few years that I don’t even compare to.

“I do. I meant it all those years ago when I told you that I was going to make you mine, and I mean it when I say I want you now.”

He’s mourning.

That’s the only reason he is saying these words.

But he sounds so sure. How can that be?

We were in high school when he first let his feelings known. We haven’t so much as been on a date or anything like that, so how can he be so sure that he wants me and wants to be with me?

How do you know you wanted to be him?

I don’t know. When it came to him, there was always something about the way he presented himself that I was attracted to and felt pulled in by.

Is that how he felt about me?

“You probably only think that you want me because I’m Leo’s sister and you have known me my whole life.”

The thought of him thinking about me as a sister has always been something that I thought about, much more after we slept together.

Did he leave because he realized I was like a sister to him?

“I haven’t thought of you as Leo’s little sister in a very long time. You are a lot more than just his sister.” His eyes are bright and there is this warm gold color that pops out with the morning sunlight.

A color I wish I could see every single morning for years to come.

“Why are you telling me all this?” I involuntarily scoot closer to him, my body mere inches from his. I’m close enough that I can feel his body heat, and by the way his grip on my hand grows, he can feel mine too.

He lets out a long sigh and I watch as he closes his eyes again.

“I guess it took losing my dad to realize that there are a lot of things in this world that I don’t want to lose. One of those things being you.”

Words that I’ve wanted to hear since I was sixteen.

“I don’t want to lose you either.” My voice is small but it’s loud enough for the words to mean something.

He shifts, letting go of my hand and wrapping his around my shoulder, bringing me closer to his body.

We lay intertwined like this for a few minutes. The only noise filling the room is our breathing.

“Everything in me is telling me that I should walk away from you forever and let you live.”

I press my head deeper into his chest, listening to his heartbeat. Feeling his words vibrate through his chest as he speaks them.

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