Page 79 of Perfect Cowboy

Bad news always seems worse at night. The light of day helps everything, so we should just forget whatever Henry said and go back to the ranch now.

The table has gone eerily silent. No one is even pretending they aren’t watching us and waiting for Gavin to speak. People are always attracted to grief and horror. They want to watch from a safe distance, grateful that it isn’t knocking on their doors this time.

Whether it’s binging true crime documentaries, rubbernecking a ten-car pile-up on the freeway, or obsessing over news articles about tragedies, human beings are drawn to suffering.

But Gavin is staring intently at me and pretending that no one else is here, let alone paying rapt attention to us.

“Ashley, babe, I’m so sorry,” Gavin starts, and my heart drops. Nothing good has ever started with those words. “Someone burned your dad’s cabin to the ground.”

“What?” I gasp.

We were literally just there, sleeping in the same bed and having sex whenever we could, blissfully ignorant of the very real threat to our lives.

Someone wasn’t coming to the cabin to warn me, scare me, or even hurt me.

They were coming to kill me.

“There’s nothing left,” Gavin replies. “Your SUV is gone, too.”

“Jesus.”

“Henry wants you to go down to the station. He’s sending a car to come and pick you up. I’ll wait outside and then–”

“No,” I interrupt.

I can’t stand the weight of the attention any longer. The pity. The hatred for bringing trouble knocking on their peaceful small town doors.

“No?” Gavin asks.

“Come wait outside with me and we’ll talk privately.”

Calling out that I’m aware they’re listening is enough to make people look away. Gavin and I make our way outside in silence, the mood completely different than when we escaped together earlier.

“Why don’t you want me to come with you?” he demands, as soon as we’re outside.

I don’t even feel the cold. I don’t feel anything. Someone could have killed me. If Gavin hadn’t brought me into town with him, I would be dead.

And if he was still there with me, he would be dead, too.

I can’t live with that risk.

It’s not that I don’t want him with me – I do. Now that I’ve experienced being back in his arms and what he’s like as a man, I never want to be away from him again.

But it’s not fair to him and tonight proves it.

“It’s not that,” I reply, my words garbled. “I can’t… It’s not… Gavin, we could have died.Youcould have died because of me.”

“We didn’t die,” Gavin replies, “And we wouldn’t have. I would have protected you.”

“It’s not up to you to protect me,” I say, and he flinches like I hit him.

Shit.

I’m always hurting him, and he doesn’t deserve it. He deserves so much better than me. There’s got to be a sweet Montana housewife-in-waiting who would be a perfect match for him. Not a disaster like me whose life is falling apart.

“I want to,” he says softly.

I rest my hands on his chest, trying to make him understand that I’m not rejecting him. I’m trying to save him.

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