Page 23 of Craving Oblivion

He’d commented on it when we were kids. No one felt sorry for the rich kids. He’d never really stood a chance at normalcy, let alone at receiving sympathy and help.

Jenna smoothed the silk of her skirt as she rose. “Nash gave this to Cam after he saw you at the coffee shop and asked him to make sure you received it.”

She held out a small box. With shaking hands, I took it.

“Why didn’t Cam give it to me?” I asked.

Jenna raised her eyebrows. “I asked him the same thing. He said why should he?”

I bit my lip, tears pressing at my eyes. I’d cut him out of my life—simply carved Cam and his family away the same as I had Nash.

I lifted my gaze to hers. “Nash shattered me,” I whispered.

Jenna’s eyes softened and she moved closer, almost as if she wanted to hug me. “Only the people we truly love have that kind of power. And for the record, he’s never recovered from the part he played in hurting you.”

My lip quivered and tears clung to my lashes. Jenna reached out and squeezed my hand. “I wouldn’t be here if the situation wasn’t dire.” She met my gaze. “I really hope you’re the woman Cam thought you’d become. The one Nash needs now.”

11

Nash

The rehab facility reminded me of a rugged Western lodge—a mix of river stone and heavy timber, but with upscale fabrics and finishes. The food was an appropriate mix of fresh produce, most of it grown on the surrounding land or in greenhouses, and lean protein. I’d eaten more fish in the past three months than in all the rest of my life together. While delicious and filling, I missed pizza. And steak. But I was surprised at how few cravings I’d had for chips and sodas. If nothing else, I felt cured of the worst of my junk-food fetish.

In fact, for the first time probably ever, my body felt healthy. Not necessarily strong—not yet—but on the mend toward wellness.

Health was a strange concept, because any one answer could produce either a positive or negative reaction. One drink relaxed me, but I never stopped at one. And the drugs I’d taken—progressively harder and stronger shit in an effort to forget my mistakes, my hurts—had created a ripple effect that destroyed my ability to sleep, winding the spiral for destruction tighter.

But when I was in the murky shadows of addiction, I couldn’t see these obvious details—at least according to my new sponsor/therapist/life coach/enforcer, Jordan. The enforcer part was my least favorite. Currently, the tank of a man had me sweating and heaving my way through what I hoped were the last fifty burpees of my life.

“Getting better, kid,” Jordan said. His brown eyes sparkled with pride then humor when I collapsed to the floor, my arms shaking too much to lift myself even once more.

“When do I get out of here?” I gasped.

“After your shower,” he said.

“Not the gym. Here. This facility. I’ve been here ten weeks.”

“Eleven as of yesterday, which is about two weeks sooner than most people leave. You’re doing great, though. I think you’re almost there. You’ve worked hard, and that shows.”

He reached down and grasped my hand, his larger one engulfing mine, and pulled me to my feet. My legs trembled after the hour-long workout, but they held me. I was stronger, steadier, just as Jordan had promised.

And I’d learned that I’d turned to booze and pills because they dulled my emotional responses. I was still rocked by the realization that I was a sensitive soul. It’s probably why I’d been drawn to Aya in the first place, but it was also why I hadn’t been able to handle her leaving—and why I hadn’t been honest about my feelings for her.

“Are you ready to talk to Steve?” Jordan asked.

I scowled. “No.”

“You’re going to have to deal with him, what he represents both in your past and your present.”

“I’m aware. But I’m not ready to do that yet.”

He clapped me on the shoulder, and dread pooled in my gut.

“He’s here, isn’t he?’

Jordan nodded, causing his brown waves to flop onto his forehead. “And if you want me to clear you to leave, you’ll talk to him.”

I scowled as my gaze drifted toward the door. “Are you going to let me shower before you force me out there?”

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