Page 119 of So Wild

“It’s not that, I’m…” Toby stared into the middle distance. His face was now the color of raw beef.

“You’re…?”

Toby didn’t elaborate.

“Do you need another drink? Cos’ I can go get one.”

Scott stood and realised he was in no position to walk anywhere without falling ass over tit. “Can I give you the money to go and get another round? I’m slightly incapacitated right now.”

Toby shook his head. “It’s okay, we don’t need any more drinks. I don’t have anything to say about my love life because I don’t have a love life. I’m a…” He swallowed. “I’m a virgin.”

Scott was glad he was so pissed. He could stare blankly at Toby and not have it seem as rude as if he was doing it in a well-lit, sober location. “Oh. Shit. Okay. Well, that’s no big deal. Lots of peop—”

“Please don’t tell me lots of people are virgins,” Toby said with such loaded misery, Scott closed his mouth.

Toby finished the rest of his pint in one swallow. “I think I should get another round.”

“Wait, first I should tell you I was a virgin, too.”

His personal assistant narrowed his eyes. “When you were twenty-two?”

“No, I was eighteen but—”

“Then please, don’t. Everyone’s always on about how they were a virgin when they were eighteen, like that’s supposed to make me feel better. It doesn’t. I can legally drink in America and I’ve barely even touched a girl. It’s embarrassing, and no one gets it. People pretending to get it drive me crazy.”

Scott felt like an asshole. “Okay, sorry. I don’t want to patronize you. Just…what happened, mate? You’re a great-looking kid and if some scrawny arsehole like me could get laid at college, I have no idea why you didn’t.”

That got a smile out of his personal assistant. Albeit one that faded almost instantly.

“It’s complicated. I was in a relationship all through high school—this girl from the same church as me. We were thinking we’d get engaged after we graduated but then she broke up with me.”

“That sucks,” Scott said. “Did she tell you why?”

“Um, yeah. She’s a lesbian.”

“Right…” Scott fought off a wince on Toby’s behalf. “That’s…”

“It’s fine,” Toby said with a rueful grin. “I met her girlfriend last year. They’re a great couple.”

Scott sat back in his chair. “Jesus, okay. So, that was a while ago, though. What happened? Why haven’t you done anything since?”

Toby shrugged his massive shoulders. “I don’t know, I’m pretty awkward and my parents are pretty controlling. That doesn’t help. I got Tinder for a bit but all the dates I went on…I never clicked with anyone. I know I should have maybe just done it with someone and got it out of the way, but that didn’t seem right…I sound like a dickhead, don’t I?”

Scott shook his head. “You just want your first time to mean something. That’s fine. I don’t want to tell you more trite bullshit stories, but I was like that, too. I waited for Sam.”

Toby frowned. “Was she your first?”

“No. After I left for London, I did it with the first girl who’d have me. My cousin’s friend from college.”

“Did you regret it?”

Scott remembered that night, the feelings of relief mingled with disappointment and his abject fear when Freya Bishop asked him if he wanted to go for a picnic the next day. “Yeah, a bit. Not just because it wasn’t Sam. I still wanted it to mean something and the way it went down…it was just checking a box.”

Toby looked down at his hands. “Sure.”

“Then again, a smart man once told me virginity is just an idea. I didn’t want to hear it at the time, but it’s the truth. What you’ve done with your body isn’t as important as how you feel.”

Toby smiled. “Thanks, Mr Sander…Scott.”

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