Page 74 of Ashes of Sin and Stardust

“Please tell me he’s okay,” I whispered, tears running down my eyes, my whole body shaking.

“He’s alive,” the doctor said. “I can’t tell you that he’s okay.”

My knees buckled, and I don’t remember much after that.

Daddy spent the nextthree weeks in the hospital in intensive care. He’d been in a car accident on the way to court and it gave him a major concussion, broken his leg and a couple ribs, and had damaged his spine to the point that he would probably have some level of paralysis for the rest of his life. My heart shattered as the doctor explained that he would recover from the accident, but that his life would never be the same.

I dropped all my classes and focused completely on Augustus, doing everything in my power to get him the best care. I’d learned to be a ruthless bitch over the past few years when I absolutely needed to, and I’d also learned to read and understand fine print. That came in handy, and I used my newly discovered powers to make his life as comfortable as possible.

Once he was stable and recovering, I had him transferred to the absolute best extended care facility, negotiated excellent service for him, and brought in the best therapists. He learned to move his head and neck, and eventually regained some control of his shoulders.

Daddy changed after that. Of course anybody would, but he took it really hard emotionally. His past hurt of not being enough came back full force. While before he had a habit of looking at the positive things in life, now he would go through days of depression, resurfacing only occasionally to remind me of the man he was.

I took care of him the best I could. I made really awful dinners and he ate them anyway, and I fed them to him, keeping a smile on my face the whole time, and ordering pizza when I could tell it was really bad. I helped him finish up closing and transferring his cases to his friends and colleagues, and helped him tie up all loose ends for his business. Eventually I moved him back into his house and hired a full-time live-in nurse to help take care of him, since there were a lot of things he didn’t want me to do. Which was kind of funny when I really thought about it, because I’d licked the man’s asshole before, but he didn’t want me to change his bedpans.

Still, I did everything I could to love him back as hard as he had loved me when I had been a homeless prostitute working for cash. I encouraged him in his therapy, and I told him jokes and annoyed him to try to get his attitude positive. And most of the time, I felt like it worked.

Turns out he was faking most of his happiness.

He confessed to me one day, “I think I understand your lows now. Those days where no matter what I do, I can’t drag you back up out of the darkness... I understand them now.” He looked up at me, fat tears rolling down his cheeks. “I’m so sorry, Alice. I’m so sorry that you hurt like this, babygirl.”

I missed what we were. I missed who he was before... but it didn’t matter. I was going to love the hell out of him, and keep him safe and happy. He was my everything.

One afternoon, there was a knock at the door. I answered to find a smartly dressed man and an ambulance behind them.

“Oh no,” I whispered. “What happened? Did he push the panic button by accident? He’s still learning to use the chair. I was just with him, he’s fine.”

“Hello Miss Benson,” the man said. “My name is Jack Walker. May I come in?”

I escorted Mister Walker through the house and into the den, where Daddy was watching golf. He missed golf, and sometimes I took him to the green to watch his friends play, driving him around in the golf cart so he could at least be there and participate even though he couldn’t play.

“Ah, Mister Walker. Thank you for coming by.” Daddy nodded to the chair across from him. Then he looked at me. “Will you bring coffee, babygirl?”

“Yes Daddy,” I whispered, and left the room.

I knew he didn’t want coffee. It was three in the afternoon. He was dismissing me.

I made and brought coffee anyway, wondering what he was discussing with Mister Walker and why there was an ambulance outside, refusing to acknowledge the obvious conclusion. When I brought the coffee back, the two were talking quietly.

I set the coffee tray down on the table beside Mister Walker, and fixed daddy a small cup, offering it to him. He took a tiny sip, and then nodded to me. His eyes were full of fear and sadness.

“Alice, sit down sweetie.”

“Daddy what did you do?”

“Baby...” he looked at Mister Walker. “Would you give us a few minutes?”

“Of course, sir. I will wait for you in the lobby.”

“Daddy, what did you do,” I said again. I watched Mister Walker leave the room and shut the door. “Please tell me.”

“Jack Walker is a friend of mine from college, Alice. We have been in contact for years, though he lives in DC and I haven’t seen him in a long time. He came down to see me when... when everything happened.” He looked down at himself in disgust.

“I had no idea he came by,” I said.

“I had Nurse Beebe call him and schedule him to come by while you were out.”

He was hiding things from me. The betrayal stabbed me in the heart like a knife and I felt my heart break a little more than it already had. “Daddy please. What is going on?”

---