Page 215 of Ashes of Sin and Stardust

Just say it and get this shit over with. Be done with this. Get through it, take your damn punishment, so we can move on.

I took a breath and whispered, “I am a strong, brave woman.”

He took my chin and turned my face. “In the mirror. Look at yourself. Say it again.”

Why did I hate this so much? Why was this so hard? Why did I feel like a fake and a liar? A year ago, I would have said this shit to anyone who would listen. My confidence had been off the charts. But now I couldn’t even say it to myself.

What happened to me?

I forced my mouth to move only because he had demanded it. But it didn’t feel real. It felt like I was lying.

As soon as I’d finished speaking, the rosebuds of the flogger snapped against my chest, leaving a gentle flush across my breasts and a warm tingle down my body. God, that flogger was amazing and I wanted more.

“You are thoughtful, and kind.”

Not really, but I want you to flog me again.“I am thoughtful and kind.” Another glorious burst of heat seared over my skin, and I sighed.

“You are not broken.”

Damn. Buzz gone. “Okay, that’s just not true.”

“You’re going to say it anyway.”

I glared at him. He glared right back, swishing that flogger around in his wrist, waiting.

Fine. But only because I wanted more of his pain. “I... am not broken.” The words weird, like my mouth was moving, but it wasn’t really me saying it. Another strike from him drew me back to my body.

“Your fear does not make you weak.”

My eyes burned at the thought of saying that. Once again, Reuben had hit the nail on the head.

“Sir,” I whispered.

“Your fear does not make you weak.”

“My fear... does not make me weak.”

Strike. Burn.The roses struck my thigh this time, leaving a little bundle of pink behind on my skin.

“Good. Say it again.”

“My fear does not make me weak.”

He spoke to me, forcing me to face myself and speak his truths about me, forcing me to face the pleasure and the pain. Slowly, as I spoke and repeated his statements, as the words stung my lips and the roses on his flogger struck my skin, as the tears splashed on the floor at my feet, the words felt less like a lie. Maybe he was right. Maybe instead of those statements being wrong, maybe... I just hadn’t known.

“I am cherished, valued, and respected.”

“I am independent and creative.”

“I feel strongly because I am strong.”

“My emotions are important.”

“My feelings are real, and they matter.”

“I am not useless.”

“I am important and valuable.”

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