Page 214 of Ashes of Sin and Stardust

“Do you really think I would punish you while I was upset with you?” He spoke softly while he rubbed my back. “Why do you think I made you wait? When I play with you because you brat me, that’s different. I can tell the difference, little monster. But Alice, I promise you, I will never punish you while I am mad. That would be me taking my frustration out on you, not me trying to teach you something. Punishment is about teaching you, about correcting your behavior. It’s about setting you up for future success, not relieving my anger.

“I am trying to teach you to control your reactions to your feelings, and to be open and honest with me about your emotions without being disrespectful. Don’t you think that’s an important lesson to learn?”

“Yes Sir,” I whispered.

“Do you feel like that’s a valid reason for me to punish you?”

I nodded again.

“Okay... then take everything off. Fold your clothes and leave them on the table over there, and then stand in front of the cross.”

I felt like I couldn’t speak as I moved to do what he said. My limbs felt numb, and my mouth was fuzzy. I felt a little sick, and I hated myself more than normal. I was nervous because I remembered what Megan had said, when he had punished her until she broke.

Could I let him break me? Would it be worth it? Is that what he would do to me?

I could safeword if I needed to. He would listen. I know he would. He cares too much about doing right by me to not stop if I ask him to.But he was right... I did deserve this. I needed it, even if I was scared.

Walking slowly to the cross, I held my hands up. He secured my wrists, then my ankles, and then leaned down and brushed my hair out of my face, kissing me on the cheek softly before turning away.

I still felt gross about disappointing him, but I was also aroused. And I did need emotional release if I was going to get anything else done today, whether he said I needed other tools in my toolbox or not.

He returned with a black long-tailed flogger, the ends of the tails adorned with dark red leather roses. It was beautiful, and it looked erotic in his hands as he stalked across the room, a look of confidence and intention on his cruel face.

He surprised me by rolling out a mirror and positioning it in front of me. He wanted me to watch him hurt me?

“Here’s what you’re going to do, little monster,” he said, approaching me and holding my chin in his other hands. He’d put on those leather gloves he liked to wear, and I loved the feeling of it against my face.

“I’m going to give you a statement, and you’re going to rephrase it into an ‘I’ statement. You’re going to look at yourself in the mirror while you repeat it. When you do, I’ll strike you. Do you understand?”

I felt a little bit of frustration burning in my stomach. What kind of bullshit punishment was this? I-statements?Mantras in the mirror? But he looked serious, and I wasn’t about to argue with him and make my punishment worse. Besides, if this was really what he wanted, and it would put us back on good terms, I’d do it. I wanted that gross, sickly feeling in the pit of my stomach gone as soon as possible.

“Yes Sir.”

He walked out of view of the mirror, and I focused my gaze on myself. My makeup was ruined already, long black streaks running down my face, my cheeks flushed, and I was breathing harder than I realized.

Take your punishment, you shit. You deserve this. You deserve to have him disappointed in you.

“You are a strong, brave woman.”

“What?” I turned and looked at him in confusion.

“Say it.”

My forehead creased and I couldn’t look at myself in the mirror, nor could I make those words come out of my mouth. I could barelythinkthem. They felt wrong.

I shook my head. “Sir... no.”

“Say it, Alice.”

His face was drawn and he looked... angry. Not sexy angry. Not “I want to do something about that attitude angry.” Actually frustrated with me.

“But... I’m not.”

He approached me again, draping the flogger over the side of the cross. His expression darkened and I tried to shy away from him as he neared me, but I was bound tightly to the Saint Andrews. He leaned forward and spoke in my face. “Do you know what I do to people who insult my girl?”

I swallowed hard. “No Sir.”

“You don’t want to find out. My submissive is a strong, brave woman. And you will not argue with me about it.”

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