Page 55 of Girl Violence

“He cares, Josette,” he says, once again trying to make her feel better, but it doesn’t really work.

“This time was different. He started bringing up my mum—things I didn’t want to hear.”

“Where is she?”

“Where’s your dad?” she counters and immediately wishes she hadn’t when his eyes turn hard and angry. Shit. “I’m sorry...I shouldn’t have—”

“He’s still in London fucking his favourite student,” he says, his tone so monotone it doesn’t sound like him. Josette’s eyes widen, not expecting that. “He cheated on my mum for three years with this girl from the classes he tutored at college. She’s twenty—same age as me.” Josette quickly does the math. That would have made her seventeen three years ago. “I knew for two years after catching him banging her in his car in a parking lot. He begged me not to tell mum...and I didn’t.”

“Why didn’t you?”

“Because he’s my dad. You remember what he was like. He was a prick, but he was still my dad. He got in my head. He promised me he would stop seeing her, and I stupidly believed him. But keeping a secret like that...it starts fucking with you.”

“What do you mean?” she asks.

“It’s amazing how much you don’t see when you’re young. How blind you can be.” He leans back in his seat. “My mum was so in love with my dad, I just didn’t see that he wasn’t in love with her back. She put him on a pedestal and treated him like a king. She cooked his meals, ironed his clothes, and spent so much money at salons, spas, and boutiques to look pretty for him. To lookyounger—” He scoffs. “After I caught him, I started noticing shit between them more. How he wouldn’t appreciate her, even look at her. I hated that. Hated that I watched him text on his phone at the dinner table, knowing he was messaging her, and I still couldn’t say it.” He scowls angrily as if recalling the memory. “That’s when I started drinking...”

He rubs a hand over his face, and Josette bites down on her bottom lip, unable to imagine keeping something like that to herself. You put your parents up high, thinking they can do no wrong, so it hurts when things go wrong. It takes a part of you away.

Josette understands why he never told his mum. He didn’t want to break them up. Believing a lie is easier than accepting the truth. But something must have happened. They moved back.

“I found him with her again,” he answers her thoughts. “And then a third time. Still, I kept lying. I kept believing he was going to stop. I started hanging around with this group of guys—the bad kind. Worse than Austin’s group. I got into trouble a bunch of times, took my frustration out on people, and got into fights. My mum didn’t know what was going on with me, but I still never told her when she wanted me to tell her. I didn’t tell her because he begged me not to.”

“It wasn’t your fault, Vince,” she whispers. “Your dad’s a predator and emotionally manipulated you. And you didn’t want to hurt your mum.”

He laughs bitterly. “I should have fucking told her the moment I saw him with her the first time. She found out the hard way. Came home and found them both in her bed. Dad told her I knew all along. She wouldn’t speak to me for ages—like it was my fault.”

“But she’s speaking to you now? She must have forgiven you?” Josette thinks of the slap, something she still can’t believe Diane did. She’s always been so nice. Maybe she’s not totally forgiven him.

“When she finally snapped out of it, she did. She was in denial for a while. She didn’t kick him out, and it made things worse. I didn’t want to be home anymore. I left for days at a time, drinking because it felt better. Eventually, dad got fed up and kicked us both out, so he could move his toy in. I lost it. Almost killed him. Let’s just say if mum hadn’t stopped it, he’d be in a coma. We stayed with friends until she figured out what she wanted to do. Since she still owned this house down here, she thought moving back would be better...for both of us.”

“But you don’t want to be here.”

“She’s alone. She has no one...” And he feels guilty. He doesn’t have to say it. Josette can see it on his face. He’s only staying here out of guilt. “I let her get me a job, put me in college. I try and keep my head down because I know she needs the distraction. I know in her head she’s helping me—”

“But it’s not helping, is it?”

He stares at her for a while, his eyes battling some inner turmoil, before finally saying, “I did a lot of bad shit in those two years. Things I can’t forgive myself for...and things I won’t forget.”

Josette’s stomach twists because she can’t imagine him doing anything wrong. Not the Vince she knows. “Like what?”

He stands, the chair scraping off the floor, keeping his back to her. “Just things.”

Getting off her seat, she goes over to him, wrapping her arms around his waist and hugging him from behind. He tries to pull away, but Josette tightens her grip, silently begging him not to let go of her now.

“My parents fell out of love with each other,” she starts talking, unsure why she is, but needing to tell him. “They split up, and a week later, my mum was with this new guy. They think I’m stupid, but...how can you suddenly be in love with someone you’ve only known apparently a week? It was obvious she was seeing him before. And then she was moving, and she wanted me to go with her. I said no. I don’t want to talk or see her. Dad says I’m acting out because of her leaving, and he’s right.” Her voice cracks. “What I’m trying to say is, our parents fucked us up bad and it’s stopping us from letting each other in.”

Vince turns and wraps his arms around her, hugging her tightly. Josette’s shocked at first, but relaxes, breathing heavily into his chest, hating when a wave of emotion bubbles inside her and tears fall down her face. She didn’t realise how badly she needed this, and his willingness to leave pains her enough to want to beg him not to. He can’t leave her again.

“I think you were right,” she mutters. “When you said fuck love. It doesn’t exist, does it? People just use each other. God, even as kids, we used to use each other all the time.”

Sighing, he pulls away and wipes his thumbs under her eyes. “You were my escape.”

“You were mine.” He looks at her in a way that makes her breathing hitch. It makes an idea come to mind, and she’s saying it before she can think about it. “We still could be?”

“No—”

“Why not?” Josette asks, eyes welling with more tears. “What do you think we’ve been doing? That night in the alley, and then today? You want me. And I...”

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