Page 34 of Worship

Flipping onto my back, I pull the blanket over my face to shield the brightness. Although it’s November, my room is like a sauna this morning with the central heating and sunlight. There’s no air, and my body aches from the heat.

Grabbing the end of my nightdress, I scrunch it between my legs, trying to ease the pulse there. But the material chafes against me, and I groan from how nice it unexpectedly feels. Licking my dry lips, I squeeze tighter, and gasp.

“Do it.” His voice punctures my thoughts. And while I know he’s not truly here, I imagine he is. Lifting my dress, I run my finger along the top of my panties, throbbing for me to touch myself. Torelievewhatever he started. “Go on. You know you want to.”

Slipping my fingers down my panties, I moan as I touch myself, surprised by how slick I am. How wet. Grazing my fingers over my clit, I focus on the area Milton was licking before pushing two fingers inside of myself.

I whine, my insides soaking and hot. “There you go. Now come for me.”

Biting my bottom lip, I do what I did again. Circling my clit and pushing my fingers inside of me. Each time, I go deeper, the pleasure building.

I think of Milton. Think of what it would be like to kiss him, his lips against mine. Hands touching me like I wanted him to do all those years ago.

My skin dampens as I tug the button of my dress open and touch my breast, gasping when I twist my hard nipple in my thumb and finger.

I’m close…just a little…more—

“Morning, Heidi.” The door flies open with a thud, and I yelp in shock. Quickly pulling my hand away from between my legs, I poke my head out from beneath the cover. Vera stands in the doorway, taking in my tousled state with her eyebrow raised. “It’s only me. Time to take your meds.”

“Right.” I’m flustered and embarrassed as I sit up. Ignoring the violent ache rippling my core, I take the tablets and a cup of water she gives me. Putting them in my mouth, I swallow them down after taking a gulp of water, just wanting her to go away so I can die from embarrassment.

“You have a meeting in half an hour,” she says, jotting something down on her iPad before leaving. When I know she’s gone, I fling myself back down on my bed and breathe out in frustration.

Fuck sake. The only thing I’ve done is made myself worse.

Eventually, pulling myself out of bed, I get dressed. I’m uncomfortable and need a cold shower, but I won’t have time. After eating a quick breakfast in the cafeteria, Vera comes for me again, taking me to Dr. Rogue’s office. My heart sinks when I see her as I walk inside her brightly lit office.

“Heidi.” She smiles that annoying fake smile that makes my insides clench with hate. She’s sat in her usual fancy chair, perfect as ever, wearing all white. “It’s good to see you again. Come in.”

Walking inside, I take a seat, something she’s shocked by. So am I. Since when do I make it easy for her?

“How are you?” All I can do is stare at her, the painting I hate taunting me from the wall. I try my best not to look at it, scared of what I will see this time.

Instead, I watch as she grabs her stupid pen and begins writing down shit in a brand-new folder with my name on it. “What are you writing?” I ask darkly. “That I’m not paying attention?”

She lifts her gaze to look at me and laughs, “Of course not. Just observations.”

“And what are those?”

She breathes out through her nose. “Have you been sleeping?” She knows I don’t unless I can’t help it. “Are you angry with me? I apologize that I haven’t been here for you. My father’s not doing too well. Terminal cancer. But I’m here now, and you can tell me why you’re having trouble sleeping.”

She shared with me, so she thinks I’ll share with her?

“Why do you think?”

“I don’t know; I’m not a mind reader, unfortunately. Maybe you could tell me?”

“I’d rather die.” It comes out without me realizing it. A slip of the tongue.I said too much.

Her brow furrows as silence parades around us. Finally, she clears her throat. “Right, okay. Well, I guess that’s all for today.” Her smile is strained. “If you need anything, you know where to find me.”

Chapter Fifteen

That night there’s a storm. Violent wind rips through the building, rattling the bedroom doors, as if someone were trying to get in. Thunder bangs in the sky, instantly followed by a flash of light that whitens the room. Rain begins, heavy and loud, battering against the roof and my window.

It’s sometime past one in the morning. Security finished their rounds five or so minutes ago. I’m wide awake and restless, but not because of the storm.

The shame of touching myself while thinking of Milton thickens in my throat. How could I have let that happen? How? And now I can’t stop thinking about that stupid contract he wants me to sign, the worst part being I want it to be more than him making me pay for what I did to him. I want to know what it feels like to be with Milton Hood.

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