Page 80 of Lavender and Lightning

“Baby, are you... do you want to leave?” I ask hesitantly, afraid of the answer.

“No, but what if... what if I should?”

Lydia’s voice is small, so quiet I almost don’t catch the end of her question. I hug her tighter and press a kiss to the top of her head. I can feel my heart cracking in my chest. But then a flame sparks to life in my gut. No. Seth will not ruin the best thing that has ever happened to me.

“If you leave, I’m going with you,” I growl, fingers digging as I try to hold her even closer.

Lydia whimpers and her arms come up to wrap just as fiercely around my waist. We stand there for another long moment, and I look up as footsteps approach. Lex is looking down at her phone, and I watch her run her hand through her hair before shoving the device in her pocket. When she looks up and sees Lydia and me, I could almost swear that a flush of color comes across her cheeks, but it has to be a trick of the light.

“Let’s go home,” she sighs, continuing on until she rounds to the driver’s side of her car.

“I’m taking Lydia back to the pack house,” I mutter.

Lex nods, not looking me in the eye. Something twists in my gut, but I don’t have the energy to read into it.

I lead Lydia back to my SUV as Lex drives away to drop off Gabby and Wila. The city is just waking up, and I have to use all of my willpower to stay awake long enough to get us back into the pack house garage. We’re silent as we make our way into the house, flopping down onto the sectional in a tangle of limbs. Her head is on my chest as I lie back, and let the weight of her, the knowledge she’s safe at my side, comfort me for the moment. I’m asleep before my head even hits the cushion.

thirty-four

Lydia

Idon’tknowhowlong I’ve been asleep, but the sound of the mudroom door opening and closing jerks me awake. I bolt upright, head whipping around as I try to get my bearings. The sky outside of the picture window is iron-gray, still pre-dawn with clouds hanging low above the trees. Rhett, Lucas, and Lex are shuffling through the kitchen, looking half-asleep on their feet. From the depths of the house, the grandfather clock strikes six.

Lucas makes it as far as the kitchen island, throwing himself onto one of the stools before slumping over on his crossed arms. Rhett trails a hand over the back of his beta’s shoulders before looking up at the sitting room. He locks eyes with me for a moment, asking without words if I’m okay. I shake my head once from side to side, but don’t elaborate. I don’t know if I could talk about what’s going on in my head and heart right now if I tried. Rhett dips his chin in acknowledgment before moving to the dining table and sitting down.

Lex, however, hasn’t stopped moving since she walked in. She sets the coffee machine to heating, before moving from cupboard to cupboard, passing the coffee cups twice before she finally pulls one out and sets about adding cream and sugar.

“What are you doing, Lex?” Lucas groans, voice muffled by his arms.

“Playing Chutes and Ladders,” she snaps sarcastically over a shoulder.

“You don’t need coffee; you need sleep,” he retorts, finally lifting his head to look at her.

I watch her shoulders lift and lower as she takes a deep breath, but the tension in them doesn’t diminish. The coffee machine dispenses into the cup, and it feels like no one even breathes until after the last drop falls.

“I’m fine,” she grits out at last, her back to the room.

“And I’m a duck,” Lucas snorts.

Lex growls a low warning, but Lucas doesn’t flinch. My eyes dart between them, not sure what to do. Mateo has woken up, and I shift to let him sit up beside me as we kneel on the seat, facing the back of the sectional and the rooms beyond. His hand finds mine automatically, our fingers laced together as they rest on his thigh. The touch is grounding, and I have to blink away tears. I can feel Rhett’s eyes on me, but I’m still staring at the back of Lex’s head. She won’t turn around. She hasn’t even acknowledged me, or anyone else in her pack.

“The sky isn’t going to fall if you take one day off,” Rhett adds gently into the silence.

Lex sighs and shakes her head, picking up a spoon and noisily stirring her coffee. “The sooner we get the claims in, the sooner we can get working on reconstruction. And then there are calls to make to contractors, and—”

“If you’re going to tell me you don’t give a shit about me, the least you could do is look me in the face,” Lucas nearly shouts, slamming a hand on the counter.

I jump and squeak at the sudden sound, and Mateo’s hand tightens around mine. Rhett’s eyes snap to me for a moment, assessing at the speed of light before turning back to Lucas. Lex has gone completely still, hand frozen in midair as she was leaning to put the dirty spoon into the sink. Slowly, she sets the spoon on the counter and turns on her heel. I flinch back at the snarl pulling at her mouth, the fiery anger burning in her hazel eyes.

“What did you just say?” she hisses, so low I would have missed it if I didn’t see her lips moving.

“We’ve been through the emotional ringer tonight, Lex. And you just want to fuck off to work like it’s any old Thursday? The Foundation doesn’t need you right now. Your pack does,” Lucas continues, getting to his feet as he motions wildly in his passion.

“We can figure out what comes next after I get home—”

“Why do you want to leave us so bad?” I ask, unable to hold the question back a moment longer.

Every head in the room snaps to me, but I only have eyes for Lex. She’s staring with wide eyes, rimmed with red from lack of sleep. Yesterday’s mascara is smudged along her lower lash line, and there’s a streak of ash on her forehead where she must have wiped away sweat at some point. Her hair is dusted with light gray flecks, and my heart throbs. Are those the remains of Wila’s photo albums? Or maybe another family’s treasures, now gone up in smoke.

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