Page 79 of Bitter Truths

I guess this is my punishment, though, never to have the woman who made me feel human.

Not only that, but I also miss the family I thought I was a part of, and frankly, it hurts just as badly to know they could throw me away so easily. There’s a hole where they used to be. I don’t know how to fill the void, but I know I can’t fucking be what they want me to be.

I am the dick that baited Jason. I am the fucker who tortured Halsey.

This is me. I’m the monster.

It’s time I focus on my future and let go of my past because I can’t change what I did and Halsey isn’t willing to accept it.

In this, maybe I’m learning how to be a better person after all.

Chapter Twenty-Four

I’m hiding in plain sight.

HALSEY

The weeks between Thanksgiving and Christmas break pass quietly. I don’t hear from anyone regarding the post Randy made, or I did anyway. Too quickly for my liking, the guys untagged themselves from the video, but I suspect it was too late. And when I search out Will’s dad, I find a strict-looking man with stern features.

There’s no mention of Will, which leads me to wonder if he knows. Jason’s account has been closed, which I acknowledge with a grim smile, curious about how his relationship with the team is going.

Griffin and I haven’t spoken beyond a few stilted words and a message from his lawyer that he’s pursuing whatever legal angle he can find. Apparently, Jason is denying any knowledge of the video making it to the internet, which I’m quite skeptical of.

Max mentioned he saw Jason at a party, and he didn’t seem any worse for wear, which is a pity. He’s still hanging out with his crew, but rumors followed him from room to room as people asked themselves if he really fucked a dude, followed by speculation on whether he’s a rapist.

For the most part, I don’t think sleeping with a guy is a big deal among his peers, but then, I don’t know how this played out for the football players. Under normal circumstances, it shouldn’t be a big deal, but with Jason’s bluster and need to be a dick, this revelation is more about fucking with his psyche than his friends.

As for Chris, I have no way of knowing what’s happening. He’s out of State and his social media account remains quiet.

My sessions with Dr. Marks have not included his implications about my sexual proclivities or the video. Still, I see the knowledge dancing behind his eyes, and it makes me uncomfortable. I searched the internet regarding his thoughts, and I came away disturbed. I don’t know if I like the idea of being someone who craves dominance by another.

My only real sexual experiences were with Griffin, and admittedly he was aggressive and demanding. But does that equate to this? I just don’t know.

I’m sitting on the couch, waiting for Max to arrive and drive us home for winter break, when a knock sounds on my door. Aaron’s already left for his parent’s house up north, so I’m alone.

Max isn’t set to arrive for another hour, but assuming he’s early, I open the door absently, only to step back with surprise upon finding Jason Macklemore standing grimly on my doorstep. He’s got a black eye, a bruised lip, and an ugly sneer I want no part of.

I go to close the door in his face, but he pushes past me with a laugh before swinging around with a grunt.

“What do you want?” I demand, standing at the threshold, poised to leave if necessary.

“It was you, and I’m going to fuck up your world, bitch,” he growls, waving his arms around wildly.

Taking another step back, I eye him cautiously. “What was me?”

Impatiently, he watches me ease onto the porch, shivering in the cool air with just my thin shirt. “Let’s not play games. I know you got me busted. I just don’t know why you can’t lay down and take it like a good little bitch.”

My blood boils in my veins, and I push back the rage with a stiff spine, rasping, “Because you fucking stole my world and left me bleeding and alone.”

He growls impatiently, “Whatever, bitch. You asked for it. You begged, and now you think you’re going to ruin my life? Fuck no!”

“It’s too late. It’s out there now. You’re lucky I didn’t report it, or you’d be in prison right now,” I spit.

“Ha! Not likely, with all the videos of you begging.”

“Tell yourself whatever you want, but in the end, I said no, and you covered my mouth and brutalized me anyway. I had bruises, Jason. I was in pain!”

My vision wavers for a moment and I grab the door frame to ground myself. How the fuck do I make this fucker see?

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