Page 80 of Bitter Truths

“I don’t fucking care! This is my life. You’re not taking it for this, no fucking way! I’m banned from the team. I can’t ever play here again. You took the one thing that I needed and ruined it.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I say tiredly.

“Whatever, Halsey. What did you do, sick your brother on me? I don’t even care. He’s a bigger cunt than you are. I’m not a drug addict, you bitch.”

“Drugs? Jason, you’re not making any sense.” I stare at him blankly, but I admit even if I had nothing to do with it, I’m glad. He doesn’t deserve to play on that field.

“I fucking hate you, Halsey,” he sneers. “And the fucking video. Do you know how this affected my family? My sister’s being harassed at school! My dad won’t fucking talk to me!”

Looking him over, I smile and shake my head. “Even after all this, you’re still blaming me. All you had to do was fucking stop when I said no.”

“I was drunk and high!”

“Your disgusting hand covering my face haunts me in my dreams, Jason.”

Turning away from me, he says, “My dad may lose his position because of this. I think you’ve made your point.”

Staring at his back, I give in. I did what I had to do. I fought back, but short of filing charges or cutting off his dick, he’s not going to change, and I just don’t know how to face him in a courtroom with those damn videos.

Despite logically knowing I didn’t deserve what they did, I’m still ashamed of myself and every action I took that led me to that point. How then do I convince a jury, or a court for that matter, that I was in the wrong? The answer is, I don’t think I can, and it’s this which I have to bear for fucking ever.

“Just give me all the videos and stay the fuck away from me,” I say.

“I don’t have the videos,” Jason says, waving his hand.

“Then who posted it to social media, Jason?”

“I don’t fucking know, Halsey, but it wasn’t me,” he snaps.

Searching his gaze, I don’t find any subterfuge, but how would I know if he’s lying? I looked into his face before he raped me and thought he was a decent guy with a sexy grin.

This is all so fucked up.

“Look, I’m fucking tired of this shit. You stay away from me, and I’ll sure as shit stay away from you. I don’t need crazy in my life,” he says, stalking toward the door.

Dick. Clenching my fists at my sides, I step out of his way and say frigidly, “This wouldn’t be an issue if you hadn’t done what you did.”

“Yeah, I know, and I fucking regret it. Crazy bitch.”

Clutching the doorknob in my hand, I stare at his back as he walks away. What the hell is wrong with me?

The dick essentially blamed me for this mess, and I rolled over, but strangely, I feel free, as though I’ve let go of another piece of me I was clenching too tightly. Maybe that’s what let it fester. I refused to let it go.

∞∞∞

Over Christmas break, I spend time with my mom, cooking and listening to the stories she loves to tell of all our years growing up. She’s still subdued, and the sight saddens me because she deserves only lightness, but maybe with time, we will all get back to where we used to be.

“Mom,” I say softly, breaking into yet another story I’ve heard dozens of times over the years.

“Yeah, hon?” She looks up with a smile, and my heart clenches, so happy for the lighthearted response even as I bring up a painful topic.

“Maybe we could invite Griff over for dinner?”

With my newfound revelations regarding Jason, I find I’m tired of the hate. I’m tired in general. I can’t change the past, and frankly, I haven’t truly given Griffin the chance to make amends. I’ve been bitter and angry, and the weight is pulling me under.

So, I’m going to try to move past this, and the first step is letting Griffin know he’s still a part of this family, the one he craved for years in our adolescence. Maybe I can at least give him this.

Mom’s smile fades, a small furrow forming between her eyes. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

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