Page 94 of Champagne Fizz

“Okay,” I say, stepping up to her and squeezing the air out from between us. “I think you’re sexy as hell, and I can’t stop thinking about—”

“Nope!” She flushes, as she cuts me off. “You’re thinking with your—” Her eyes flash with desire, even though she doesn’t say the word, so I start spelling it out for her.

“I’m thinking with my C-O-C—”

“I get that you’re avoiding all of this, and your defense mechanism is to make a joke,” Kendall says, putting her hand on my chest right above where my heart is. “But for me, I—I’m wearing my heart on my sleeve every time I’m around you,” she admits. “It feels like I can’t hide anything when you’re touching me.”

That’s true. She can’t.

Even when I’m not touching her, she can’t. Everything she thinks and fears and feels is on display.

“Maybe,” her voice waivers, “you should consider letting me in too.” Her hand presses into my chest. It feels like a weight demanding a promise.

“Kendall—”

“My heart is the one that’s truly on the line here,” she talks over me. “There’s no way that losing my virginity is going to be an emotionless affair for me. I’m not saying your heart needs to be in this,” she clarifies. “I’m not making that a stipulation. But it would be nice if you could just be real with me, Simon. The jokes and the teasing are fun, but there’s a point when we’re actually going to do this, and I’m going to be naked and vulnerable, and in the most intimate state I can imagine, and there’s no way my emotions won’t be mixed up in all of that.”

Her brown eyes prick with emotion.

She’s right.

I’ve seen Kendall react to everything with raw vulnerability. She can’t help it. And she’s making it pretty clear that sleeping together isn’t going to be without strings attached, her heart is going to get tangled up in this.

But do I want that?

My mouth is dry. I need room to think.

What’s worse is I want to jump and be all in. I want to wrap her in my arms and see every flush of vulnerability that crosses her face. Hearts be dammed. But that scares the shit out of me.

“That wasn’t a declaration of love, Simon,” Kendall says softly. “And I’m not asking you to be my boyfriend or anything. I still want to do this with you.”

“You just want my heart?”

“No,” she shakes her head, though I’m not sure I believe her. “I want you to be real.” Her brown eyes plead with me to understand. “I’ve felt you touch me—and yes that’s lust—but it’s also emotional. Not that emotion has to be love. Sometimes it’s just meaningful: a connection. I just want you to be present and honest and admit that there’s something here … whatever it is.”

I swallow hard.

How is it that she’s the one that’s so articulate? And why is it that my response to all of that explanation is wanting to get naked—like right now? I’m such a dude. God, I don’t even know what I’m thinking right now other than—

“Kendall,” I say in a dark voice. “I know you said I can’t touch you in public—and no, I’m not going to disrespect that request—but the most real and honest thing I can say to you right now is we need to leave.”

Her eyes tick up and widen.

She can see it. The lust.

“You can’t say something like that to me, Kendall, and expect us to just keep talking. I need to kiss you right now. I need to do lots of things to you right now. Because if we keep talking, everything I say is going to be turned into a tasteless joke. It’s my default setting. It’s how I cope. And if you want me to be present and real with you, then we need to do this a very different way.”

We need to do this physically.

Her eyes darken, and for all her innocence, she knows exactly what I’m asking. There’s a different way I need her to listen.

She nods, brushing her curly hair out of her face, before taking my hand and walking us out of the store.

“You’re touching me in public,” I tease, squeezing her fingers.

She looks back with a sweetness that saysI understand this is how you show me you’re nervous.

Is that what this is? Am I nervous about taking her virginity. It’s a big deal.

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