Page 25 of Champagne Fizz

“On it,” Mason confirms. “Two virgin Pina-Goes-In-Your-Lada’s. You know, my friends, I believe that’s the definition of irony, because when the Pina goes in the—”

“Yup,” Simon interrupts him. “We get it Mason. Thank you. I’ll take a water too.”

“Sober crowd of two over here.” Mason pouts, pointing at us and shaking his head. “Good tits, Simon. It seems like a waste.”

“This is why you’re still single, Mason,” Simon shoots back. “You always say things that sound rape-y.”

“That’s not what I was saying!” Mason scrunches up his face and turns his attention to me. “If this guy starts being a douche and getting handsy, you let me know, and I’ll kick him out for you.”

“Says the guy who’s been calling me Good Tits?” I respond dryly.

“Shit!” Mason raises his hands up like he’s a criminal and we’ve both shut him down. “They’re good tits,” he justifies. “It was a compliment. If you want to tell me your name, then I’ll call you that.”

“Nice try,” I say, shaking my head at him.

“Cool,” he says, shrugging like it’s no skin off his back. “Good Tits, it is.” Mason waves dramatically at us before walking away to make our drinks.

“Okay,” I say, folding my arms over my chest and turning to Simon. “What does a virgin pina colada and a water say about me?”

Simon bites back a smile and looks at me honestly. “Well, Arie would say it means you need to get laid.”

“Of course, she would,” I say, biting back a wince and trying to seem unaffected. Only, my body is shooting off glitter guns and confetti streamers like Simon just hit the jackpot. And his prize? Why, my body has an extremely obvious deflowering party lined up, of course. “And you?” I press. “What would you say?”

“I’d say, you’re exactly what Arie expects you to be—innocent, inexperienced, and easy to walk all over. But maybe that’s your secret weapon.”

“Being easy to walk all over is a secret weapon?” I frown.

“Kinda. Arie will think she has you pegged. Which means the second you surprise her, she won’t see it coming.”

“And what if I’m not surprising?”

“Well, you weren’t actually going to order a virgin pina colada, were you?”

“No, of course not,” I say, looking back up at the menu as a knot twists in my gut. I could pick any number of salacious titles that would make me sound more interesting, and dangerous, and exciting than I am.

But they’d all be a lie.

“What if …” I turn back to Simon and try to swallow the lump in my throat. “What if I really was only going to order a water?”

Simon shakes his head and I can’t tell if he’s gearing up to mock me with another Weddings with Hart joke, or if he genuinely doesn’t know what to do with America’s Poster Child for Abstinence.

“I’d say you’re trying too hard to be professional,” he replies, giving me a sly smile. “Or, maybe you’ve actually learned from this afternoon’s foot-in-mouth escapade when you tried to sound fancier than you were and trashed my restaurant.”

My stomach clenches. Yeah, not my finest moment.

“So basically you’re saying I’m”—I spell out the word—“F-U-C-K-E-D.”

“No,” Simon admits with a sheepish smile. “Arie would say you need togetF-U-C-K-E-D. ButI’dsay it means you learn from your mistakes, and being honest is always the best way when it comes to business dealings.”

Honesty, huh?

Well, Lady Ladahonestlywants me to straddle you on that stool and start making out.

Shehonestlywants me to drag you into a shadowy corner and see if you’ll call me Hart as you start making demands.

Shehonestlyneeds to be thrown into the ice cold ocean and be told to simmer down!

I fan my face, wondering where Mason is with those ice waters. “Well, uh,” I cough, as I squeeze my legs together as tightly as I can. “If honesty is the best option, then I was always going to order water.”

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