Page 24 of Purity

I open my mouth and close it as something flutters in my belly. A few days ago, I wouldn’t have hesitated to say yes, and just saying that small word would’ve left me dejected, but now I’m not so sure. Maybe I’m inexperienced, but he really seemed to like kissing me, and he wasn’t able to keep his eyes off my chest today.

Maybe he’s starting to see me as a sexual being rather than a naive little girl.

“We have a really close platonic friendship,” I say, because it’s the truth.

Even though I hope it might change one day.

Travis grins. “Can I kiss you then?”

Heat washes over my face. My gaze is drawn to the passenger window and the people walking by on the sidewalk.

I can do this.

I lick my bottom lip, my heart starting to race. I put my palm over my mouth. “I just ate ten pieces of bacon.”

Travis stares at me blankly for a moment before a smile spreads over his face. “I don’t mind. I love bacon.”

A tight smile twitches at my lips, and I curse myself for my nervousness. I’m twenty-one years old, for crying out loud. I should be long accustomed to kisses in the car.

I have to do this. This is the part of being young that I’ve been missing out on all these years.

“Do you have a mint?” My voice is small.

As if snapping out of a daze, Travis’s eyes pop open and start darting around his car. He opens his glove compartment and rustles around a bit before going to the center console and throwing objects into the backseat by the handful. “Fuck,” he finally says. “I’ll be right back.”

He hops out of the car and darts down the sidewalk in the direction of the corner gas station. Goodness, he really wants to kiss me. I ought to be flattered, and yet sickness stirs in my stomach.

It seems like less than a minute has passed before Travis jogs back to the car. He’s a little out of breath as he hops in and tosses a small green square on my lap.

“Trident.” I unwrap the gum and pop a square into my mouth. “It reminds me of my grandma.”

A small smile tugs at Travis’s lips. “That’s exactly what I wanted to do—remind you of your grandma right before I kiss you.”

A hysterical giggle is pulled from my chest, nervousness prickling like wildfire over my skin now that the moment has come.

“I’m sorry if I’m overly eager,” he says.

I shake my head jerkily. “You’re fine. It’s just that I’m a twenty-one-year-old virgin, and even something as small as a kiss makes me really nervous.”

“Yeah…” His eyes look almost dazed. “I can’t believe you’re still a virgin. I thought everyone at First Covenant was full of shit about all that waiting-until-marriage stuff. I definitely was. One time, I even fingered my girlfriend in the parking lot after youth group.”

My eyes must be huge, because he grins and squeezes my hand. “I hope you don’t think less of me.”

“I don’t. It’s healthy to explore your sexuality when you’re young. But hearing things like that always makes me feel…so behind. I’m such an outlier, even compared to other Christians my age. You’ve all lived these full lives that I can’t relate to.”

“There’s plenty of time to catch up.”

When I glance up, he’s leaning forward. His eyes are molten, and it brings me back to that moment just before Cole kissed me. There’s a churning in my gut when our lips touch, but it’s okay. How can I enjoy a kiss when I’m this nervous? Travis nibbles on my lip before slipping his tongue inside my mouth. On impulse, I pull back.

“Too much?” he asks.

“No.” I swallow. “It was fine.”

When I shoot him my best smile, his face falls. “Oh God, that was a bad kiss, huh? That’s what you’re thinking. I can tell that’s what you’re thinking.”

His vulnerability washes away all my nervousness. This I can handle. I set my hand on his. “No, it’s not that. Honestly, I’m so nervous that I’m in my head.”

“That’s not a good sign. A good kiss should take you out of your head. It probably means you don’t have chemistry with me.”

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