“Of course. It’s how he is with everyone he loves…” He keeps talking, something about how Cam has a god complex, but I hardly hear him.
He’s right.
He’s absolutely right.
I’ve always had Cam’s love, even on that beautiful, miserable night five years ago. That’s why he was so upset over what I did with Hunter, even though I didn’t owe him fidelity. That’s why he’s spent so much money to have me do so little for him these past few months. That’s why he’s treated me with so much tenderness.
But I’ve never had his respect.
I’ve craved it desperately. Craved it enough to fear his rejection as if it might burn my skin if I got too close. Enough to form an invisible wall around myself.
“Do you think he would be a good father?” The words are out before I have a chance to think about what I’m asking.
Hunter’s jaw drops. He stares at me for a full five seconds before speaking. “Holy shit, are you pregnant?” His gaze immediately drops to my stomach.
“No… Sorry, that was out of nowhere. But… I think Cam wants to be a father to Cadence. And I think I should let him. Along with Ryder I mean.”
“I wouldn’t, Lauren.”
His answer is so sudden it startles me. “Why not?”
“I think he’s probably looking for a way to keep tabs on you after your six months are up.”
“No, I really don’t think it’s that. You haven’t seen him with Cadence these last few months, and there’s something I never told you before about my pregnancy…”
Hunter stares at me for a moment before grimacing. “Jesus Christ. She’s not his kid, is she?”
“No, no… I mean, I don’t think so, but she could be.”
“But you said you were positive she was Ryder’s. I think your exact words were ‘I’m one-hundred percent sure’.”
A shameful heat creeps up my neck. “I was more like ninety-five percent sure, or… I don’t know. Maybe I was scared. But it’s not about that. I don’t care about biology. I really don’t. Cam wants to be a father to her, and I’ll let him, because I think it’s the right thing to do. She can have two fathers.”
Hunter’s concerned expression fades, and he looks at me with urgency. “Just be careful. You don’t want him to have leverage over you. When you need him for something, Cam can be fucking terrifying, especially if he ever feels like you crossed him.”
I wish I could dismiss his words, but he’s right. Even with all the kindness and affection Cam has shown me these past few months, he’s ruthless when he wants something.
How can I do what’s best for my little girl and still protect my own heart?
TWENTY-TWO
Camden
“Cam,” she calls from the hotel bedroom. “I want to talk to you about something.”
I have to keep myself from running to her. Everything rides on her decision, and she knows it. I already contacted Chris earlier this week, and while family law isn’t his expertise, he knows enough to know I don’t have a shot in hell. Even with the best family lawyer in the state of California, I wouldn’t be able force a paternity test. With Ryder’s name on Cadence’s birth certificate and the fact that he’s had joint custody almost since she was born, I have nothing.
And all the while I can’t stop thinking about how this little girl might really be my daughter. I don’t know how to feel. I love her. I know this aching tenderness—this desire to be close to her, to care for her—must be love because it’s so similar to what I feel for Hunter. Yet I don’t really know Cadence. I don’t know her the way a father should know his four-year-old daughter. And I can’t be sure if this gut instinct that she’s mine is real or just another twisted excuse to keep her mother close.
I hate this itching uncertainty. I hate being adrift.
I take a deep breath before setting my guitar down and walking toward the bedroom. Apprehension churns my stomach, making me resent Lauren that much more when I finally walk inside and catch sight of her placid expression. She has no reason to be anxious.
Not when she holds all the cards.
Her gaze roams my face, and whatever she sees makes her calm expression grow ever so slightly wary. “I decided you can be Cadence’s father.”
The relief that descends over me makes me dizzy. My eyelids grow heavy, and my body sways forward.