Page 73 of Stabby Little

"That's not fair." Sparrow casts me a dirty look. "School lunches are for underprivileged youth. You shouldn't steal their food."

"Relax," I drawl again. "I went to private school, so the food was good. We didn't have free lunch kids."

"So you didn't have to eat Michelle Obama's health food?"

"We got Domino's pizza and Papa John's."

"I'm not sure that's any better." Sparrow looks queasy. "I once ate an entire Papa John's and got sick."

"Did you eat the jalapeño in the box?" I query.

That's the best part of Papa John's. I always felt like such a badass if I could eat the jalapeño after my cheese pizza.

"Of course." Sparrow rolls his eyes. "That was before they removed the jalapeño. Now, it's just pizza."

Finn's jaw tumbles to his feet. "They took out the jalapeño?!"

"I ordered Papa John's four nights ago with Ollie's money and I saw no jalapeño. I was looking forward to it for old time's sake, even though it burns my mouth."

"They didn't take out the jalapeño." I shoot Sparrow a look. "I swung by Papa John's last week and they definitely put a jalapeño in my box. I'd remember if they didn't."

"Well, I didn't get one in my box," Sparrow snaps. "Believe me. It was the only reason I went to Papa John's—I would've gone to another pizza shop if I'd known."

"Maybe your delivery driver stole your jalapeño." Finn apparently thinks this is a great addition to the conversation.

Sparrow makes a face. "Why would my driver do that?"

"Maybe he likes jalapeños." Finn shrugs. "Maybe he's an underpaid gig economy worker and can't afford to buy his own."

"Then he'd probably steal the entire pizza instead of just the jalapeño," Sparrow drawls. "Or at least help himself to a slice of pepperoni."

"Too conspicuous. You'd notice if it was gone."

"I noticed my jalapeño was gone."

"Don't get snippy with me."

"I'm not getting snippy with you."

"I'm offering solutions to your missing jalapeño mystery. I don't hear you giving me better ideas."

"The obvious solution is that Papa John's stopped giving out jalapeños," Sparrow offers.

"Or the worker forgot to put one in your box." I take another sip of my lemon soda and grimace at the sweet taste. Good Lord, how much sugar did they put in this? Next time, I'm buying sparkling water and adding my own lemon. "That's a possibility."

"I'll Google it." Sparrow pulls out his phone. "Hey Siri, does Papa John's still put jalapeños in their pizza boxes?"

Siri:The peppers Papa John’s uses aren’t jalapeños. They’re pepperoncini

I snatch his phone out of his hand. "Really, dude?"

Sparrow tilts his head up and then furrows his brow. "What?"

"You can't talk to Siri," I snap, hiding his phone under a couch cushion. "Apple will log your voice profile and the Diavolo brothers could hack it."

Sparrow issues me a glare. "You can't be serious."

"I'm deadly serious."

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