Page 123 of Stabby Little

"Thanks for warning me in advance."

"Show me tomorrow afternoon after calculus. We can bond over your dick pics during lunch."

"I'm not sure whether you want me to be hard in them or not. I've never taken a dick pic before."

"You don't have to do it. I'm just messing with you."

"Sure you are."

"I'm serious. Who wants to see your puny dick?"

"My dick isn't puny, thank you very much. It's bigger than Ron Jeremy's."

"Considering he's currently indicted on federal sexual assault charges, I'd look for a more apt comparison."

"What about pornstar Joey Mills?"

"He's not exactly known for his massive schlong."

"He's cute, though. That's what matters most."

"I wasn't denying that. I only said he's not packing a foot long. We're talking about length here."

"You wouldn't know length if it smacked you in the face."

"Now you're being nasty."

I let out a sigh. "I wish I knew who stole my ID. Why'd they leave my wallet behind? I can't stop thinking about it."

"I wouldn't stress over it. It was probably some freshman who looked like you who wanted to buy a drink. He felt guilty about it so he left your wallet."

"He ruined my life," I lament. "There are a million guys in Manhattan who can make a passable fake ID. There was no reason to nick mine."

"Maybe he was drunk when he did it," Becca tosses out. "People do crazy things under the influence. They're not themselves."

"Thanks for bringing me to that club. You put me in harm's way."

"At least you experienced life for a change. You weren't cooped up with your animals."

"I prefer my animals. They've never robbed me."

"It's good to step foot in the real world once in a while. You got to see how the other half lives instead of locking yourself up in your ivory tower."

"I'd like you to show me this ivory tower you think I exist in. Last I checked, I live in the dorms."

"Yeah," Becca drawls. "The Columbia dorms. You're not exactly slumming it."

"Do you really think a freshman stole my ID?" I pout, but I no longer care. "I could get him kicked out of school."

"You don't even know if he attends Columbia. What if he goes to CUNY?"

"I know a girl at CUNY studying anthropology. Rumor has it she's a mob boss's daughter. I could tell her to put a hit on my ID thief."

"Is she the one who made that video about the barista with the neck beard that went viral on Tik Tok last week?"

"Yeah. His name's Steven. She was pissed he called another girl my lady when he called her that first. She has a screw loose."

"A few loose," Becca corrects, "I've never seen a girl cry like that before."

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