Page 69 of The Gilded Ones

I nod. “I heard something…distressing, Karmoko.”

“Yes?”

“I heard that you breed monsters for the emperor.”

White Hands humphs. “And now you think you may be a monster. That I somehow bred you.”

I don’t bother to deny it. White Hands rolls her eyes.

“The funny thing about you, Deka, is that your thoughts are always spinning. You think and think and run your mind in fine little circles, and yet you never quite grasp the truth of the matter. I told you I would give you all the answers before the campaign was over, and I will. I will tell you everything you need to know when the time is right. For now, here is what you need to know: there are several types of monsters in this world. You are not one.”

I look in her eyes. They’re firm, full of conviction. She’s saying the truth. But I have one last question. “You do breed them, however. Monsters.”

Her replying smile is thin. “I do what needs to be done. Now, then.” She turns from me, gestures around the room, which is covered in large bronze mirrors, one for each wall.

It’s obvious our conversation is at an end. I push my worries aside. Spend too much time ruminating in battle and that’s how you get killed.

“You must be wondering what all this is,” White Hands says, nodding at the mirrors.

“Yes, Karmoko.”

“You see, I have a theory, Deka. I think that every time you use the voice, you do so using all your energy. That’s what causes the exhaustion. If we can get you using smaller amounts, you can control it more. Therefore, I have formulated a series of moving meditations that will allow you to control your energy while in the combat state.

“Hopefully, you will soon be able to direct your energy so effectively, you’ll no longer have to succumb to exhaustion when you use your voice. By the time the campaign comes, you’ll be able to use your ability without a hint of fatigue.”

Revulsion suffuses me at the thought, but I keep my face still. No matter the dread that wells up when I think of killing another wild deathshriek in cold blood, it’s my duty to keep Otera safe. My mind flashes to Katya, that surprise in her eyes when the deathshriek ripped out her spine, then to all those villagers lying in the snow.

I have a duty to fulfil. I won’t be put off by my own squeamishness.

“Let’s begin with the first move: centring the energy in your body,” White Hands says. “Spread your legs apart, hands up. Now inhale deeply.”

She demonstrates and I mimic her moves.

“Close your eyes and visualize the ocean you see in your subconscious.”

I obey, closing my eyes and imagining the dark ocean. Perhaps it’s the stillness of the night, the quiet of the chamber around us, but I feel it almost immediately, lapping at the edges of my mind.

“Move through the golden door. Beyond it lies the source of your energy, your power. Visualize it as a white light flowing through your body.”

I nod quietly, sinking deeper and deeper into my mind. When the golden door looms, I swim through it, just as she instructed, then watch, amazed, as a sea of white rushes over me. My energy, glowing like a distant star. Now I know why people shimmer when I see them in the combat state. It’s their energy I’m seeing, the power near their hearts glowing brightest of all.

I concentrate on mine, feeling it rise and tingle inside me.

“Do you have it?” White Hands asks.

I nod. “I think so.”

“Good,” she says, opening a door I hadn’t noticed at the back of the room.

Gazal and Jeneba are waiting there, at the top of a dark, ominous staircase. I don’t have to ask to know that it must lead to the caverns – the deathshrieks. I can already feel one’s presence, moving closer and closer, so familiar, it’s immediately distinguishable. Rattle.

He’s gagged and bound, struggling against the group of novices dragging him up the stairs. When he sees me, he stops, his expression wary, the way it always is now whenever I’m near. I’m caught by how docile he seems compared to the deathshrieks I’ve encountered in the wild, how withered he is around the edges. I can’t put my finger on what it is exactly, but I know something’s wrong with him and the other deathshrieks in the caverns.

“Do you have your energy?” White Hands asks, turning back to me.

I blink, forcing my mind to the present. “Yes.”

I can feel it swirling inside me, a glowing ball of white.

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