Page 54 of Chaos & Carnage

I move to step to his side, trailing my fingers until I can squeeze his bicep to gain his attention. “Come on,” I say quietly, jerking my head toward the door. “I could do with some fresh air, anyway. The smell of blood is going to my head.”

His lips purse, his expression remaining hard, and I can tell he wants to argue, but he doesn’t. With a long sigh, his shoulders drop and he lets go of the guy’s throat.

Without a word, he stalks toward the door, grabbing his jacket from where he left it on the bench as he passes. With a final glance at the others, I follow after him, out into the crisp, early morning air. He strides a few feet away from the building before stopping, and I stand and watch as he takes a long inhale before slowly releasing it. He does the same again, tilting his head back so he’s staring up at the predawn sky, tinged with the intermingling colors of night and day.

Staring up at them myself, I watch as darkness loses the fight, dawn creeping further across the sky with every heartbeat. I feel like the sky’s battle for dominance—day vs. night, night vs. day—mirrors my own. Always conflicting circumstances battling for control. Life is one continuous fight, and honestly, I’m exhausted. We’re all exhausted. Nevertheless, I can’t help but feel like we’re this close to changing the tide, not just for ourselves, but for all of Black Creek.

That is, if we can survive this final hurdle.

The thought of losing anyone else, of losing one ofthem,threatens to make my knees buckle. I can’t go through what I experienced the other night again. That all-powerful, soul-destroying ache, like someone just rammed their fist into your chest and is threatening to crush your heart until it bursts. I felt like I couldn’t breathe. Couldn’t feel. Couldn’t do anything but drown in that anguish.

Given the last couple of skirmishes, we’re incredibly fortunate to all still be standing, mostly unharmed. Cain’s ankle is still far too weak. He tries to hide it, but I see the pain, his off-kilter walk as he tries not to put too much weight on it. He’s not ready to go into this final fight yet, except we’re out of time.

Pushing away those less-than-helpful thoughts, I focus my attention on Enzo as I close the space between us. When I reach him, I intertwine my fingers with his and, with a gentle nudge, encourage him to come with me down the cobblestone alley.

He doesn’t say anything as I direct him through the otherwise empty docks toward the building Hadley and I used to come to. I couldn’t think of anywhere else to go. This part of town is mostly abandoned, and it’s too early for any place to be open anyway.

It’s only when I stop at a set of ladders that climb up the side of the building that he seems to come out of his thoughts, watching as I put my foot on the first rung and begin to climb. I hear him behind me, but I don’t look back, putting one hand in front of the other until I reach the top of the building and jump down onto the roof.

Enzo’s heavy boots thud down beside me a moment later, his eyes scanning the rooftop. There’s nothing up here, but it offers one of the best views in the city to watch the sunrise. Taking his hand again, I lead him toward the middle of the roof. Before I can plop down, he yanks on my arm, and I turn to face him as he shrugs out of his jacket and places it on the ground.

With a smile, I lower myself onto it, and he sits beside me, our bodies touching all along one side. Staring out at the horizon as it grows slowly brighter, I lean my head on his shoulder, drinking in this moment of peace and solitude.

“Wanna talk about it?” I ask after a few moments.

“I just want this over with.” He sighs heavily and I feel his attention shift to me. When I turn my head to look at him, he’s staring down at me with an unreadable expression, yet something about it both decimates me and fills me with hope. “Ever since I met you, I feel like I’ve been waiting.Everythinghas been leading up to this. To now. To the moment when I feel like I can claim my life for myself.” He tucks a strand of hair behind my ear before brushing the backs of his fingers along my cheek. “I’m on the brink of obtaining everything I ever wanted, mere hours away from the life I’ve dreamed of having with you, and I just want to be there already.”

I give him a disarming smile as he wraps his arm around me and pulls me into his side, kissing the top of my head.

“I want to be there, too. We’re so close. I feel that impatient exhilaration as well. It’s being dangled in front of me like a carrot on a stick, and I’m terrified it’s going to be taken away at the last second, before any of us actually gets to experience true happiness. I’m so scared that we’re going to fail at this final hurdle and never experience that.”

A tear treks down my cheek as all that fear and sadness bubbles up inside me, and I quickly brush it away.

Enzo shifts so he can cup my face with both of his hands, holding it inches from his. “More than anything, I want a future with you.” His voice is strained, overflowing with emotion. “I want to marry you one day and watch your stomach swell with our kids. I want to wake up to your laugh, make you feel good when you’re sad, help you get back at Cain when he pisses you off, and be there as you pull Dante out of his shell.”

Those unwanted tears are streaming continuously now because,goddammit, I want all of that too. More than anything, I want him. Them.Us.

“But just in case I don’t get that opportunity, I need you to know that I don’t regret a single moment with you.”

“Don’t say that,” I sob, but he doesn’t listen or doesn’t hear me.

“I knew the moment Dante let you go in that alley that you were special. Watching you look out for Luc and do whatever it took to survive on the streets… I was in awe of you, Sawyer. You were this scrawny little teenager who would do absolutely anything to protect her brother, and I was in fucking awe. I knew I had to get closer to you somehow, that you were someone I had to have in my life. My feelings for you back then weren’t sexual, but I could already tell that you were going to do amazing things with your life, and I wanted to be there to watch you achieve everything you deserved.”

I sniffle, even as it feels like my chest is being crushed beneath the weight of his heartfelt words.

“Every time over the years when I felt like giving up, when I was convinced I was going to lose Dante to his father and couldn’t see any way out for myself, I clung to the thought of you. I’d recall the way you’d stride into that bar with your shoulders back and your chin held high, daring the world to fuck with you, and it gave me strength.Yougave me the strength to keep going.” He swipes away the seemingly endless tears blurring my vision and coating my cheeks. “You saved me. Saved Dante. Probably saved us all. No matter what happens next, none of us would choose to be anywhere else. This is where we were always meant to end up—the five of us. If I die today, then knowing I’ve had your love for these last few months is enough for me.”

Stretching up, I press my lips to his in a firm kiss, needing to cut off his words before they send me entirely over the edge. I can’t listen to him telling me that what we have is enough for him, because no matter what, it isnotenough for me. Even if I’d had him for the last ten years, it still wouldn’t be enough, because I can never get enough of Enzo. Or of Cain, Dante, and Oliver. I will always want more when it comes to them—more time, more moments.

Our kiss is wet and desperate, the bitter taste of salt from my tears adding a poignant touch that threatens to tear my heart into shreds. I claw at his shoulders and back, needing him closer, as though if I can only hold him close enough, I can prevent him from slipping through my fingers.

There’s an urgent rush to our movements as we tug and pull at one another’s clothes. With every passing second, as the promise of oncoming heartache and loss draws nearer, our need escalates. It’s not about sex. I need to feel his skin flush with mine, feel him buried so deep inside me that I’ll never rid myself of the stretch because I’m fucking terrified I’ll never get this opportunity again.

Our breathing is rapid, our movements frantic as he pulls me into his lap, pushing me down on his hard length until his blunt head smacks against my cervix and I cry out. There’s no relishing this connection, no love-struck staring into his eyes as I take a second to accommodate his size. There isn’t time for that.

Immediately, he digs his fingers into my hips and helps me find a fast, chaotic rhythm until I’m quivering around him. My eyes are clenched shut as my orgasm crests, but right before the wave crashes, Enzo tilts his hips and adjusts the angle in such a way that I lose momentum. He does the same every time I’m close to coming, until his name is a plea on my lips.

“Enzo.”

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