Page 43 of Filthy Rock Stars

The band fliesus all to LA in a private plane, a newly surreal experience to usher in my first live TV appearance. It’s not unusual for bands to have guest musicians join them for gigs, so it’s not like I’m going to attract a ton of attention, but every second of the trip, from the fans flashing photos to the harried assistants following on our heels, reminds me that I’ve entered a different world.

This is okay, I keep telling myself. It’s unfamiliar and new, and there’s no way for me to really prepare for the experience, even with all the advice I’ve gotten from the band and Fox. But that’s okay.

In fact, maybe it’s a good thing. If I’ve learned anything from these past weeks, it’s that unexpected, risky things are sometimes the best.

Solo and I are going to have a date next week. And maybe, after years of feeling stuck, I’m finally on to the next chapter in my romantic life, too.

“Look at that smile,” Mare says, her eyes shining as she catches me thinking about Solo. We’re in the green room at the studio, tuning up our instruments and chilling. “You excited for your TV debut?”

I laugh. “Yeah, I guess I am. Although possibly not as excited as my friends.”

Damian, Owen, and even Fox have been texting me encouragement all day. My parents, too, have let me know that they’ll be watching along with our extended family, which marks the first time in years my cousins have shown a sincere interest in anything I do.

People I grew up with, old friends I haven’t thought of in years, millions of total strangers…

They’ll all be shocked that awkward, quiet Nico has stumbled into accompanying the hottest rock band in the world.

My stomach gets tight, nerves returning. I’m not even scared of messing up. I know the song we’re playing forward and backward, and I’m sticking to my old keyboard for now, a familiar instrument instead of a keytar. Logically, practically, I know that I’ve got this, and I’m honored that Kissing Dirt has extended the invitation.

I summon my smile again. “I’m committed to enjoying this,” I tell her, “and not letting my nerves get in the way.”

“I used to get nervous,” Case says casually. He’s sprawled across an armchair, sipping a can of soda water. “It wouldn’t hit until right before a performance, but then my hands would start shaking, and I’d forget everything.”

Star laughs and steps behind him, resting her hands on his shoulders. “Maybe that’s not what Nico needs to hear right now.”

“It’s all right,” I say. “It’s nice to know you’re not just naturally this chill.”

“The key is to not overthink it,” Case says. He grabs a box of fancy chocolates from the table. “Just think about literally anything else. The first time we were onSNL, we spent two hours debating the merits of the green room snacks.” He offers me the box. “Chocolate-covered cherry tart?”

I laugh and take it. “Thank you.”

“Case is right,” Mare agrees, plucking a chocolate for herself. She’s in a shimmering silver dress, paired with worn black boots. “All the glitz and glamour can be distracting. It’s important to enjoy the pleasures, but not get wrapped up in the hype.”

I offer a lopsided smile. “Sure. Just pretend there isn’t a global audience. No problem.”

Star laughs as she fixes her tie in the mirror. “Right?”

“What’s been distracting you lately?” Mare asks. “Anything besides us keeping your mind occupied?”

“Well, I’ve been seeing someone new,” I offer.

Immediately, Star turns to face me, Case sits up, and Mare lowers her guitar.

“Our favorite type of gossip,” Case jokingly scolds, “and you’ve been holding out?”

I smile. “It’s nothing,” I say, still unsure how to explain the strange situation I’m in, although I’m over feeling much shame. Last week, when I mentioned in passing to Owen that I was seeing someone new, I left out most of the details for the sake of simplicity more than modesty.

But the band is looking at me, expecting a story, and I am craving a distraction.

“It’s been a no-strings-attached kind of thing,” I say, “but we’re having a real date next week. I think.”

“You think?” Mare asks.

“He and I are going to watch the newStar Trekepisode together.”

“Sounds serious to me,” Case says.

“Yeah?” That’s what Damian told me, too, but it’s reassuring to hear another perspective. “We’ve been pretty much anonymous the whole time we’ve been seeing each other, which is new for me, but I really like him. His encouragement helped me decide to audition for the band in the first place.”

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