The answer to this is simple. And painful.
“My older brother was a Ghost.” As I think of Aiden, I smile. He was the epitome of what the Brotherhood stood for. “I admired the way he sacrificed everything to help keep this world safe. He made all of us so proud. When he died… I gave up the life I knew to walk in his footsteps.”
When I gave up the finer things to experience the harsh life of being a Ghost, it was only my heartbreak that pushed me through the rigorous training and hard days. It’s because of Aiden, even though I’m Fallen, that I try hard to continue my work as a Ghost.
“I’m sorry.” Willow’s words pull me from my memories.
Shaking my head, I mutter, “It was a long time ago.”
Some days, however, it feels like it wasn’t all that long ago.
“Why do you hide your face?”
Willow’s next question causes me to flinch.
“I was involved in an… accident.” I don’t want to talk about this. What happened, what I’ve become, it’s shameful. My hands grip the steering wheel, willing Willow to change the subject.
She doesn’t.
“What happened?”
I don’t answer right away. I’m not sure if I can answer at all. It all could have been avoided. The trap was so obvious. I’m not sure how I didn’t notice it at the time.
“A Tangleling lured me into its den. We had just finished fighting a group of monsters after days of no sleep. I was injured and delirious from blood loss. Like an idiot, I didn’t take the time to assess the situation properly. I ran into the den, and it bit me before I could raise my sword.”
“Well, a bite doesn’t sound awful. Were you mangled or something?” Willow asks, confused.
“A bite from a Tanglelingwill either turn you into a monster or kill you.” My knuckles under my gloves must be white by now from grabbing the wheel so hard. “As you can see, hear, and feel, I am very much alive.”
My secret is out. It hangs between us in a tense silence.
Willow leans back in her seat and turns to stare out the window. For a while, she’s silent. Have I frightened her? She now knows she is sitting next to and holding the hand of a monster. Even worse, she’s tied her soul to one. For some reason, the thought of her fearing me makes me uncomfortable enough for me to speak.
“You are safe around me. For whatever reason, the monster in me doesn’t come out when you’re around. I don’t feel the need to eat you or anything.”
Willow snorts, and I look over to find her smiling.
“Well of course you don’t find me appealing.” She looks over at me, her smile widening. “I’m a necromancer, Kwil. Death clings to my scent. It’s the same reason vampires or any other type of predator like them aren’t attracted to me. I don’t smell appetizing.”
While I have a feeling there is much more to why the monster in me doesn’t want to tear her to pieces, Willow’s explanation could be a partial reason. I look over to her to see her giving me a smug smile. I chuckle at her and shake my head.
“Is that a real laugh?” Willow asks me in surprise. “I was beginning to think Ghosts don’t laugh at all.”
“To be a Ghost, you see horrible things.” My amusement fades. “It wears on you.”
“Then you need to make sure you appreciate the small things in life to remember why you do the things you do,” Willow says simply.
If only it were that easy.
“You asked if your soul was tarnished. Is this what you were talking about? You thought you were a monster through and through?” she asks, returning to my confession.
I nod with a frown she can’t see.
“I can hear it whisper in my head, and I hunger…” My voice trails off. I don’t want to scare her or admit to myself how close I am from falling off the wagon. “My brothers and I have been staying under the radar ever since it happened. If anyone from the Brotherhood finds out that I’ve become Fallen, they’ll have me killed, and they’ll kill Viktor and Theodon for hiding it.”
Willow squeezes my hand and promises softly, “I won’t ever say anything.”
I nod. I’m glad she understands the importance. A small part of me wonders if this has anything to do with how we are all connected now. If we are caught and we’re killed, she will be too.