Page 51 of My Forever Soldier

He stiffened and she wished she’d kept her curiosity to herself. She remembered watching footage and movies of Vietnam veterans, and the one thing they’d said was that they liked to keep their memories between comrades.

“Nothing you want anyone at home to know about,” said Luke, his words low and hard to hear. “It’s…well, it’s hard to describe.”

“You don’t have to tell me,” she insisted. “I didn’t mean to pry.”

Luke turned to her, his long legs stretched out in front of him. “Ollie, you’re mywife. If I can’t tell you, then we shouldn’t be sitting here together, and we sure as hell shouldn’t be married.”

“I just mean that...” Hell, she didn’t know what she meant. The truth was that she desperately wanted to know, but still felt bad for asking him.

“Sometimes it was okay, nice even. We’d kick a ball around, talk, play cards, that sort of thing.” He looked out to sea as he spoke. “Other times, the dust drove you mad, the heat made you angry, and the terror in the faces of young men who’d seen their friend killed, or witnessed something gruesome, was enough to tip you over the edge.” He shook his head, as if he didn’t want to confront some of those particular memories. “Special Forces was pretty exhilarating, but nothing about that was easy, either.” Luke paused. “The hardest thing to describe, though, more than anything I’ve ever witnessed, is what it feels like to be part of that army family.”

Olivia nodded. “I want to know,” she told him, because maybe she’d never truly understand him if she didn’t acknowledge, didn’t comprehend, the way he felt about his men.

“They meant everything to me, Ollie, for so many years. The fact that I knew someone always had my back, that I always had someone around me I could count on, that I was good at what I did and could protect those guys, who would do the same for me.”

Olivia had gone from wishing she’d never asked him, to wanting to talk more, to really try to understand what he’d been through, what made him the way he was.

“Iraq was full of plenty of good times, hanging out with the guys. The tour I did before I met you wasn’t so good, but I can’t complain. All I can say is that Delta Force took me to some places that I’d rather I hadn’t seen, but it never stopped me from being grateful for the people I served with. That’s the one thing I’ll never be able to let go of.”

Luke smiled at her, shaking his head slightly, as it he wasn’t sure how else to explain it to her. “We all made a decision to put our lives in danger, to serve together, to do our duty for our country, and I guess that’s what the difference is. We all knew our lives could end, and that was part of being in our army family. But being a dad and a husband? You two never signed up for that, Ollie. And I didn’t want you to ever have to deal with explaining to Luke why his daddy never came home.”

Olivia blinked away tears. “But that’s exactly what I had to do, Luke. I had to tell him all the time that you weren’t coming home, that I didn’t know when we’d see you again. And that’s every bit as painful as what you were scared of.”

Luke dipped his head. “It wasn’t until I came home that I realized that, Ollie. Which is why I can’t tell you enough how sorry I am.”

They sat in silence, both staring ahead. Olivia hadn’t wanted to make him feel bad, to punish him all over again, but she was pleased it was out there in the open. That they were confronting their problems instead of just bottling them up inside.

“Can you tell me anything about where you were serving? What you did wherever you were?” she asked.

He shook his head, a smile touching the corner of his mouth. “Not really. But what I can tell you is that I was immersed in a culture I found terrifying, that every day I worried I’d be found out by the enemy.” He shrugged. “Every guy in the army wants the bragging rights of being Delta, Special Forces, but really? It’s a dangerous game of cat and mouse, and only the best survive till the end.” He was staring into the distance. “But it meant a lot to the counterterrorism effort, and I’m proud of how I served our country.”

“And how do you feel now?” she asked.

He turned his focus back to her. “Honestly? I miss the guys. Real bad. When you’re with someone 24/7, put so much trust in what they do, it’s hard not to be on that team still. But Ollie?” He looked up, a big breath making his shoulders rise, then fall. “I don’t regret coming home. I’m so pleased I’m here with you again, with you and Charlie.”

She didn’t ask him about the future, didn’t want to know how long or short a time together they might have. And in all honesty, right now, at this very moment, she didn’t care. For the first time in her lite, she made the first move.

Olivia reached out to touch Luke’s face, her fingers splayed and resting on his cheek. And before her confidence wavered, before she could worry about what he was thinking, she leaned forward and kissed him, her lips brushing his.

Luke didn’t take any convincing. He pulled her against him, his mouth hungry and possessive. He tugged her onto his lap, fitting her against him as if she was made to be in his embrace. His hands tangled in her hair, as if trying to touch as much of her as possible all at the same time, and she greedily indulged in wrapping her arms around his shoulders, kissing him for what seemed like forever.

Get a room!”

Olivia pulled back, embarrassed. Luke rumbled with laughter. A gaggle of teens were sniggering, poking one another in the ribs as they shuffled past. Ollie tucked tight into Luke, giggling along with him even though her cheeks were burning.

He pulled her even closer, pressing one more kiss to her lips.

“What do you say?” he asked, eyes never leaving hers.

Ollie looked down, her nervousness back. Her stomach was filled with static and her mouth drier than the sand beneath her. But she needed to say yes. They did need a room. And they’d already arranged for one.

Luke helped her to her feet and they walked back to their hotel, hand in hand. With her hair blowing in the breeze, her lips plump from all that kissing, Olivia was the happiest she’d been in as long as she could remember.

16

OLIVIA’S CONFIDENCE WAS wilting like a flower on a desperately hot day. Luke suddenly seemed too handsome, too charming, too dangerous. Could she cope with the heartache?

The rapid beat of her heart told another story completely. That waiting wasn’t an option. Luke was herhusband. This wasn’t some one-night stand, something she should be ashamed of. This was her accepting her husband back into her life, and she wasn’t going to judge herself for it.

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