Page 106 of Because of Logan

“Nothing. I said nothing, thinking out loud.”

I stay in the shower until it runs cold and I’m shivering. I try hard to remember all the happy times I shared with Logan, but all of them have been replaced with images of this morning. Logan would forgive anything except cheating. Not after what happened with his ex and his father. He’ll never listen to me. And I was never good at speaking up and defending myself, anyway. Even if I’m innocent, guilt still hits me hard. I had two loyalties, and I picked Bruno over Logan. What does that say about me? I don’t deserve him. He needs someone who will always take his side, someone stronger, someone who’ll stand up for him.

I’m not that person.

Chapter Fifty-Six

I’ve been staringat my phone for hours since River left, willing it to ring, willing for an apology message or call, hoping she’ll beg for forgiveness, and angry at myself because of it.

If she calls, I’ll break down and take her back. And I’ll be a bigger fool than I was when I was dating Amanda and under my father’s thumb. I don’t want to be that blind again. I won’t allow anyone that much power over me ever again. I can’t let Skye do this to me too.

I text Liam. I know he won’t see this, but I need to say the words so I believe them myself.

Logan: It’s over, baby brother.

Then, I find her contact on my phone and block her. I disable the Facebook account I rarely use as well. My finger hovers over thePicturesicon. I tap it and browse through the dozens and dozens of pictures I took of her, of us together, of places we’ve been. I can’t delete them. Not yet.

I’ll keep the pictures as a reminder of how easily she fooled me so I’ll never fall for it again.

I almost believe myself.

The phone rings, and I jump, nearly dropping it.

It’s not Skye. I know it’s not her. I just blocked her number, but part of me still hopes some tech glitch allows her call to get through to me anyway.

The text message is from my captain, asking if I can do a couple of overtime shifts before I go on my Christmas vacation. There will be no Christmas vacation. This will be just another Christmas I spend alone. No family. No friends. No Skye. But I don’t tell him that.

Yes. Yes, I can work overtime.

Staying busy will get my mind off her.

I’ll do anything to get my mind off Skye.

Chapter Fifty-Seven

Night has fallen,and the house is quiet but for the sounds of the heat kicking in every so often. River is asleep in her room. She wanted to stay with me, but I said no. I missed classes and slept most of the day again today. I know I’ll be up all night. Almost forty-eight hours since I last saw Logan.

The lights are out, but the full moon shining on the snow outside reflects onto the walls through the open curtains and lends enough light to create shadows everywhere in my room. It’s oddly comforting.

My stomach grumbles, reminding me I ate nothing today. My eyes fall to the night table. The long-cold coffee and bakery bag still sit on it. Logan’s parting gift. River tried to throw it away, but I didn’t let her. It’s the last physical reminder that Logan was here.

I imagine what would have happened if Sidney hadn’t broken up with Bruno. He would’ve never come over. Logan would’ve never found him in my bed, and we’d be wrapped in each other and talking, as we often did in the middle of the night.

I look at my phone. I’ve been holding it for hours, but it stays stubbornly silent.

Five percent battery life left.

I should plug it in, go get something to eat, and try to sleep. I don’t do either of those things.

Instead, I text Logan.

Me: I miss you.

Me: Nothing happened. You have to believe me.

Me: There’s a reason

I hesitate. I don’t want to bring Bruno’s name up. But I have to. It’s so much easier to be brave over a text message. I stare at my phone for long minutes, tapping it every time the screen dims before it goes dark. How long have I stared at the unsent message? I heave a heavy breath.

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