Page 106 of Giving In

“I’m f–”

I don’t have time to finish my sentence because he’s already out of the room. I sit down at the kitchen island in a sigh. Why does everything always get ruined?

Home was fine, then mom had to go to Tennessee. School was fine then Jake had to ruin it. My relationship with Nathan was perfect until this whole situation came and messed it up.

How can I trust him when I’ve seen a whole side of him he’s purposely been hiding from me for almost two months? I put my elbows on the table and my face in my palms. Someone has cursed me. There’s no other justification.

I frown as a drop of blood falls on the counter. Maybe that cut was worse than I thought. The adrenaline has completely come down and my neck hurts, I’m cold and my body won’t stop trembling.

Nathan comes back with a first aid kit and I twist on the stool to face him. I can see genuine concern in his eyes, so I attempt a weak smile. He spreads antiseptic on a cotton pad and applies it to my cut. A few seconds later he puts one of those big band-aids on it, but the worry hasn’t left his expression.

“Nathan, I’m fine.”

He sits down on a stool next to me and takes both my hands in his. His touch warms me up and stops my body from trembling. He has this reassuring power over me. No matter what I’ve seen earlier and no matter what he did, he makes me feel safe.

A silence falls on us, but his eyes don’t leave mine. He must see the questions in mine because he sighs and runs a hand through his hair. Then he pulls his sleeves up to his elbow.

“I know I’ve got a lot of explaining to do,” he admits.

My shoulders relax at the fact that he is already thinking of giving me the truth. Question is, can I take it?

Before he can even start explaining, I ask the question that’s been burning my tongue for the last hour. “How did you know his name?” I blurt out.

“Are you sure this is where you want to start?”

“Yes,” I reply more determined than ever.

He takes another minute to think it over then takes a deep breath. “Three years ago, when I left home, I did a couple of jobs for a man called Mateo Bianco. His main rivals were the Wolves. I encountered a few of them when I worked for him, including Dimitri.”

I try to swallow the news while staying as stoic as possible.

“Worked? Do you not do this anymore?”

“No! No, of course not. I was young and stupid, and I needed money. I mainly dealt with security shit.”

“Security? What were you, a bodyguard?”

“Kinda.” He keeps his reply short and I know he’s hiding something.

“What did you do for him, Nathan?” I insist with a cold voice.

“Look, ‘Me...I–”

“Just spit it out already.”

“You need to understand, when Mateo found me, I was not in a good place. I made whatever money I could in underground boxing rings. He spotted me at a fight and offered me tons of money to get rid of whoever caused him problems. At the time it just seemed like easy money to me.”

My heart accelerates as I start to imagine scenarios in my head.

“You want the truth? I’m not proud of what I did. I beat people for a living. Some of them to an inch of their lives. Left them for dead. Don’t ask me if I killed anyone because I don’t know. To this day I still hope I haven’t.”

I can’t help but pull my hands away from his. He looks hurt and it breaks my heart, but I need a moment to swallow the news.

“‘Me... I’m sorry, please.”

He leans towards me, but I get off the stool and take a few steps back.

“Please don’t look at me like this. I was young and out of options. I regret every single job I took, and I left as soon as I could. I had to deal with the Wolves more than once, this is how I know them, how I knew you were in danger tonight. There would have been no point calling the police because half of the force here is on their payroll.”

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