Page 80 of Giving In

“Point proven.”

“Wanna watch a movie?” he asks. “Let’s watch a film.”

I grab the remote, adjust the pillow on his lap, and lay down on it.“How do you feel about reality TV?”

He laughs at me and pats my head. “Whatever you want, ‘Me.”

My heart jumps at his use of my nickname. It feels so natural coming from him. Everything we do feels natural. Like it was just meant to be. I simply smile and put Hulu on.

After an episode of ‘Keeping Up’ in complete silence, I twist and turn so I’m facing up and he looks down at me.

I know he reads my face when he says, “Why do I feel like I’m not gonna like what you’re about to say?”

I can’t help a small laugh. He’s right. “Maybe I’m the one who’s not going to like the answer,” I reply.

“Only one way to find out,” he quips as he runs his hand through my hair. I want to do the same. Undo his tight bun and run my hand through his sandy blond hair.

“How old are you?” I ask.

He sighs and takes his hand out of my hair.“Twenty-one,”he grimaces.

I don’t say anything for a few seconds. Taking it in. Four years. “I’m turning eighteen on the first of January,” I reply. “Three and a half months.”

He chuckles but he’s lost his humor slightly. “If you feel uncomfortable with this, I understand,” he says. “God knows I do.”

I don’t reply and turn back to the episode currently playing. I adjust the pillow and make myself more comfortable. Eventually, I grab his hand and put it back in my hair. “My parents were ten years apart. Mom was his second wife.”

“Whoa. Ten years.”

“I know right? I’m doing so much better than them.”

I can feel him relax and he starts running his hand through my hair again. “I like the way you think,” he concludes as we both get back into our series.

That night, I fall asleep on a cloud of happiness but can’t shake the uneasy feeling in my stomach. Is it wrong to have been with Jake and then Nathan in the same 24 hours? Not even mentioning that I also kissed Chris. For a good part of the night I question everything. What kind of girl am I becoming? When I finally fall asleep, new thoughts come to me. So what if I enjoyed myself with three guys on the same weekend? No one judges Rose for doing it, no one judges Jake or Luke. Jake and Chris have slept with countless girls. Why should I judge myself for finally enjoying sexuality and making my body feel good?

CHAPTER 16

‘Take you like a drug

I taste you on my tongue’

Daddy Issues – The Neighborhood

Jamie

It took Jake exactly four weeks before he got on my case again. How naive of me to think that he would actually leave me alone. I was so sure he got what he wanted out of me that I was stupidly living my best life. Nathan and I have been spending all of our free time together. I usually spend one evening a week at Emily’s, three nights on my own and the whole weekend with Nathan. If we’re not together, we’re constantly texting, finding any excuse to send pictures and memes to each other. He even comes to Church with me on Sundays and I’m sure my mom would appreciate it. We still haven’t gone past making out and every day I’m more appreciative of taking things slow with him. We’re truly getting to know each other.

He hasn’t heard from his family since he left his house when he was eighteen and, while he won’t get too much into it, I understand the loneliness. I think we were both extremely lonely when we met, and we luckily found each other. He’s become a pillar for me since mom left for Tennessee and I can’t begin to describe the consuming feeling of love when I’m with him.

He still lives in his apartment in Silver Falls, and I promised I would help him settle in his new house in Stoneview over the weekend. Only, it’s Thursday and the text I just received from Jake is not announcing anything good.

Jake:I’m a bit sick of seeing these pants. Wear your skirt and show those pretty legs of yours.

My stomach twists at his demand. I’m not even sure if it’s out of anxiety or because my body is remembering what happened the last time I wore a skirt around him. The temperatures have started to drop, I stopped wearing the school skirt and decided to switch it for the pants. I’m aware I could wear stockings but I’m so much more comfortable in pants and I have no one to try and impress at Stoneview Prep.

Because I’m dating someone four years my senior.

Dating? I’m not sure. We haven’t had that kind of talk yet and I’m not sure how to initiate it.

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