Page 23 of #Beautiful

Turning on her heel, she heads over to one of the many machines throughout the room where the staff handles orders and cash outs. Declan takes my hand in his but keeps them on the table. Taking a deep breath he turns his eyes to Gretchen. “Gretchen, can I ask you something?”

She sits up straighter, too. “Um, yeah, of course.”

“You and Torrey live together, right?”

She nods.

“And she doesn’t want to get help yet?”

Gretchen bites her bottom lip and shakes her head.

“Do you think maybe you need to consider finding somewhere to stay so that you can get better without having to be around someone with the same issue who isn’t trying to get better?”

Gretchen’s shoulders slump. “Yeah, but I don’t have anywhere to stay. And I’m afraid if I leave, something might happen to her. The only time she does eat is if I make soup or something lately. I’m really worried about her.”

Declan reaches his free hand over and covers Gretchen’s. “Listen, I don’t know if this and addiction work the same way, but I do know that when I was getting clean and sober, I couldn’t be around it at all— like not even for a moment. The temptation was too much stress, and it put my head in a bad place. I’m coming up on year now, and it isn’t so bad if I’m around it, but when I first got help, I never would have made it a week if everyone around me was drinking and using.”

Gretchen stares at him for a moment, the pain obvious on her face. “I’ll think about it.”

Declan squeezes her hand. “Let us know how we can help, too, okay? I’m sorry for the way I went off on you at the Halloween party. I still don’t approve of the role you played in Lena’s issues, but I’m also realizing through listening in her group that even without your and Torrey’s help, she probably would have found her way down this path eventually. So, her sickness isn’t your fault.”

“That’s definitely more grace than I deserve,” she says with a sigh. “You know I’ve struggled with this since my sophomore year of high school? How stupid is that?”

I swear my heart breaks for my friend. “Well, you want help now, and we’re here, and everyone at PTF is here for you, and you can get past this like I am, and then we can start over. We can totally do this.”

Gretchen beams at me and nods, a new little light in her eyes, and that alone makes me happy. She is my friend, and I don’t want to lose her or myself to this, and together, I know we can support each other through it. Especially with Declan helping us.

Chapter 20 - Declan

It’s Thursday night and our last evening on campus. Tomorrow, we head home for Christmas, and the nice six week break before the start of the spring semester. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t looking forward to six weeks of sleeping-in, Lena in my bed, and the warmth from my fireplace. I swear, one of these days, I’m finding out how to get a fireplace installed in the PTF house. We need one— badly.

I didn’t think having Lena attending my meeting with me would really matter, but honestly, her sitting next to me while we listen to one of the others give their testimony makes me feel so much better. She’s been supportive of this since I started, but having her actually here with me and Justus just means so much more. I’m sure she would’ve come before now if I’d asked her, but I never really thought to. I wish I would’ve, though.

“Remember to stay sober, stay clean, and don’t be afraid to reach out to someone if you’re struggling. Addiction isn’t like the flu. This is a battle we all face each and every day, and our support system can be the difference between staying on the right path and falling from it. There’s food in the back for anyone who’s hungry. I know tonight ran a little longer than usual, and we will see everyone here next week. For our University students going home for the holidays, remember to find a local meeting, and we will be happy to see you all when the new semester starts.”

As others around us get up and mingle, many heading to the back of the large room, I turn to my girlfriend. “So? What do you think?”

Lena turns her eyes on me, and she looks almost in shock. “I think that I am a total jerk.”

My brows pull together, and I lean closer to her. “What do you mean? You’re not a jerk at all, babe.”

She sighs. “I never realized how much an addiction changes from a choice to an impulse, or a need. Deep down, I kinda thought that last year you kept screwing up because you wanted to party and get high and stuff. I didn’t realize it was because you physically became dependent on it.”

“Much like the way your body has become dependent on purging,” Justus says from the other side of Lena. “You and Declan aren’t as different as you think in this. Your mind and body have become so acclimated to binging and purging that stopping is hard because it naturally wants to continue that cycle now that you’ve taught it to it. The same way Declan’s mind and body changed to function on drugs and alcohol normally to the point that not having them was hell.”

Lena shakes her head and looks down at her hands. “I never even looked at either of our situations that way.”

Justus puts his hand on Lena’s back and pulls her into a side hug. “Well, now you can. You can come to this and learn more about his recovery, and he can keep going to yours and learn about your recovery. That way, you can understand each others struggles and weak moments, and better, help one another through it.”

As we stand, Justus looks past us and smiles. “Hey!”

Turning around, Sandra walks up to us with a carrier holding four coffees and a big smile on her face. Sliding in the row of chairs behind us, she leans over and hugs Justus. “Sorry for missing tonight. The shop was super busy, and I couldn’t get out of there on time. I brought everyone our new Christmas blend, though.”

Justus pulls coffees out and hands Lena and I each one. “It’s peppermint coffee with whipped cream and steamed vanilla milk. Super good.”

Sandra was promoted to a part-time manager at the local coffee spot a block over from the house on Greek Row. Every now and then, she surprised everyone with new stuff they have, and so far, none of it has been disappointing.

Lena sips her coffee before turning to Sandra. “What are you doing here?”

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