Page 22 of #Beautiful

Despite everything we’re dealing with, hopefully in two weeks, she’ll be my fiancée instead of my girlfriend, and I’ll be the luckiest man on Earth.

Chapter 19 - Lena

Sitting at the little cafe Declan picked, I can’t help but constantly glance at Gretchen. Did I look this sick a few weeks ago? If I did, it’s no wonder Declan is so worried. I haven’t stopped the habit of stepping on the scale, so in the last three weeks, I’ve put on about nine pounds, taking me up to ninety-nine pounds total. I’m sure it would be more if I wasn’t still purging sometimes, but it’s a lot less than it was, and sometimes, the urge doesn’t hit me until enough time has passed that it really doesn’t do any good because my body has digested most of the nutrients. Declan is all about cooking and food dates now, more so than he’s ever been. I’m not sure if it should make me sad or laugh. I might have to warn him to go to the gym if we’re going to eat as a hobby. He’ll be playing football again next year, and a slow quarterback is not a good thing.

I chuckle to myself, earning puzzled looks from both of my lunch dates.

“What’s so funny?” Declan says bemused, an eyebrow raised at me.

“Nothing,” I say, stifling another giggle.

“Spill it, babe,” he says, setting his menu down on the table and staring.

“I was just thinking that if eating is our new hobby, you might be the one that needs to up your gym time.”

Declan gasps and puts his hand over his heart. “You wound me, Miss Harrison. Are you saying that I eat too much?”

Gretchen and I glance at eat other and snicker. “No, but come football season next year, your coach isn’t going to accept my issues as an excuse as to why you can’t keep up with the team.”

Declan leans over, grabs the back of my head, and kisses me. “I don’t care about that. You’ll love me regardless, and that’s all that matters.”

My heart is so full when he says stuff like that. It’s something I’ve realized in therapy the last few weeks— I don’t give Declan nearly as much grace and trust as he gives me. A lot of my insecurities that lead me down this path are because of last year, and that is on me. I should have found someone to talk to when the feelings started, but more importantly, if I would have went to meetings with Declan the way he does with me, I would have learned about addiction and how it effects those in it and directly around it— like myself.

That’s something I’ve meant to ask him about this week and just haven’t found the words to, so I guess now is as good a time as any. “Babe, there is something Ms. Sheryl said I should talk to you about.”

Now his face is serious when he puts his menu down, his eyes never leaving my face. “Babe?”

“I know you haven’t been going to your meetings the last three weeks because you’re with me all the time, but maybe I can just go with you.”

His eyes soften, and he reaches over and slides his hand into my, lacing our fingers. “You know what, I’d actually like that. And my meetings are usually on Thursday nights, so it shouldn’t interfere with yours.”

Pulling his hand so he leans over, I cup the side of his face with my other and softly kiss him. Despite my head still feeling like a battlefield and things being more difficult right now, the one clear thing that’s finally blazed in my face is this man. His love for me, his dedication to me, he compassion and determination for not just me but us as a unit. Some days, I feel so stupid for doubting him for all these months, for thinking that what he said to Justus was what I thought, and for letting girls like Jackie make me so insecure about my standing with him.

“I hope I find someone that loves me the way you two do each other one day,” Gretchen says with a sigh. “You guys are like the real-life Notebook or something.”

Declan chuckles. “Yeah, except Noah wasn’t an addict, and Allie didn’t have food issues, and the biggest hurdle they faced was the difference in their socio-economic status.”

Gretchen’s jaw literally drops. “You actually remember the movie? What guy actually remembers that movie?”

Declan and I both join in with her laughter as he picks his menu back up. “Um, this guy, because it’s my girlfriend’s favorite movie. She can tell you all about Star Wars, so I figured I might as well pay attention to her movies, too.”

I sit straighter and smile. “Yep. I even guessed that Darth and Luke were related before the movie told us. Super proud of myself for that one.”

“Sorry for the wait,” a young, petite girl says in a uniform with the cafe’s logo embossed on the breast. “What can I get for you?”

Declan looks to me and nods, and I have to not smile and ignore everyone. He always, always defers to me first for everything, especially lately. “I’ll have the grilled chicken club, everything on it, artisan wheat bread, please, and a side salad with the zesty Italian dressing.”

Declan makes an appreciative little groan. “That sounds so good. Can I have the same, but French dressing on the salad, please?”

“Sure,” the waitress says with a smile before turning to Gretchen. “How about you, hon?”

She instantly looks uncomfortable, her eyes down cast on the table. “I’m fine, thank you.”

Reaching over, I gently lay my hand on her wrist so she looks at me. “Just try something, Gretch, okay? Even if it’s small. You gotta start somewhere.”

She stares at me for a beat, tears pooling in the bottoms of her eyes before clearing her throat and nodding. “How about the small grilled chicken Caesar, light dressing.”

“Okay,” the waitress says happily. “I’ll get this put in and get you guys refills on your coffee. It shouldn’t be too long of a wait for the food.”

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