Page 13 of #Beautiful

Torrey: You finally decided to get some good lovin’ from your boyfriend?

I can’t help but roll my eyes with a grin. These two are such buttheads but in a loving and endearing way, not in the way the girls around campus are when they see Declan and I together, sneering at me while they practically undress him with their eyes.

Lena: Okay, first off, I’ve explained we’re waiting, so bite me. Second, no, he did not propose. We haven’t even talked about that yet, sheesh. Third, which is the important one, I MADE MY FIRST GOAL WEIGHT!

Torrey: Holy shit, Lena! Congrats!!! That is freaking awesome!

Gretchen: Look at you! How do you feel?

Lena: Honestly, I feel GREAT! My clothes are too loose so maybe we can go shopping later after soccer practice. This is the happiest I’ve been in a while. And it’s thanks to you guys.

Torrey: We love you, Lena, and we got your back. Always.

Gretchen: Exactly! And hell yes to shopping. We can pick something sexy to tease Declan with ;)

I can’t help but burst out laughing a little, but it echos in the bathroom so I shush myself. Heading out of the bathroom, I tiptoe to my desk and slide my journal in my satchel. It’s the one bag I take everywhere so I keep my stuff in it at all times so that I never for get it. My cell vibrates several times, and I glance at the screen to my alarm that I have soccer practice in thirty minutes. Heading over to my closet, I get shorts and a long-sleeved T-shirt out and grab my equipment bag out of the bottom, along with my old tennis shoes.

Back in the bathroom, I change and put my hair up in a high ponytail before braiding it. Coming back out, I find Declan sitting up on the side of the bed, his back to me.

“Dec, you okay?” I walk around to stand in front of him.

He looks up and smiles with sleep still on his face. “Morning, baby. Where you heading?”

“Soccer practice,” I say, stepping close and straddling his leg so I can run my fingers through his messy hair. “I’ll be finished and back around ten. Do you want to watch some Netflix and study for the day? Something that let’s you rest your arm as much as possible.”

Declan is in a sling for a few more days, and according to the doctor, he’s out for the rest of the season. His shoulder was severely dislocated after the hit, and he’s looking at a twelve to sixteen week recovery. At most, they said he might be healed by post-season at the end of December, but with how bad it was, they’re estimating he won’t be fully okay to play until the end of January. He hasn’t mentioned it, but I know he’s upset. His coach came by last night to ease his mind and let him know nothing happens to his scholarship and that he will start next year, but I don’t think that helps much for Declan’s emotions over it.

“Is this your way to distract me?” he says as he runs his good hand up the side of my leg and around to cup my butt as he pulls me toward him and leans his head into my stomach. “Have you lost more weight?”

I tense, my fingers stilling in his hair. “I don’t know. I haven’t checked. Why?”

Declan sits up and runs his hand up my side, slowly, sending shivers through my skin. “You just feel thinner. Not in a bad way or anything. Just wondering if there is a reason behind it.”

I shrug and try to ease the tension in my shoulders. “I mean, I’m trying to be more healthy for soccer and to make sure all the pizza we eat doesn’t go right to my hips.”

Declan chuckles at the same time I do. “I guess that makes sense. Hey, looks like I get to come watch your games this year.”

“Hey, you watch all the spring games.”

He scoffs playfully. “Only because there isn’t any football. Maybe it will be good to focus on you and your athletics for once. You’ve always put mine first.”

I sigh, all the tension draining away as I gently move to sit and straddle Declan’s waist. “Yeah. Because you’re good enough to go pro, and I’m not. And even if pro-soccer was on the table, the NFL is way bigger. You are where the athletic focus should be.”

His hand comes up to cup the side of my face as tears well in his eyes. “I screwed up so bad last year, Lena. And I can’t tell you how sorry I am. A million times won’t be a fraction of enough, and nothing I say or do is going to fix how bad I hurt you.”

Now tears well in my eyes as I rest my hand on his shoulders, lightly trailing my nails across the back of his neck. “Declan, I’m struggling to get over last year, but eventually, I will. I know you’re sorry. I knew last year when you apologized that you were genuine. It’s why we’re still together. I just need you to let me heart fully heal in its own time. I can’t force it and neither can you.”

Declan sighs and squeezes me tighter. “Fuck, I wish I could fix this.”

“Hey,” I say softly, taking his head between my hands and forcing him to look at me. “I still love you, Declan. We’re just struggling. That’s life. This isn’t the first issue we’ve had to push through, and it’s not going to be the last.”

A tear falls from Declan’s eye, and for the first time since last year, I think my heart breaks for my boyfriend. Watching the pain in his eyes, his regret shining from him like a beacon breaks my heart, and I can’t be mad at him right now. No matter what happened or how I still feel, how can I be mean to the man I love over his mistakes when the guilt is weighing on him this heavily?

“I’m so sorry, Lena,” he whispers before burying his face against my stomach again, his shoulders shaking just enough for me to notice.

“Stay here and rest,” I softly, running my fingers through his hair again, “and I’ll be back right after practice. I’m sorry for being such a monster since last year, and I’ll work harder not to be, okay?”

Declan sits up quickly shaking his head. “Don’t apologize. You’ve done nothing wrong. This,” he gestures between us, “this is all on me, baby.”

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