Page 11 of #Beautiful

I glance at her briefly as she stands back and quickly turn my attention back to Declan, so he doesn’t get suspicious. “How about I get some nachos or something here, but you treat us to Subway or something afterward?”

“Whatever you want, baby,” he says as someone from the other end of the field yells his last name. “I gotta go. Maybe we can check out that new sandwich shop that opened last week you said you wanted to try. Love you!”

“I love you, too,” I shout as he turns and jogs to catch up with the rest of his team.

The band is in formation on the field, ready to try and rupture our eardrums. Turning back to Torrey and Gretchen, they step up on either side and loop their arms through mine. Candice and Gretchen are chatting when I focus on everyone.

“We’re going to grab something to eat so that Declan gets us the good food after,” Gretchen says, and Candice and the others laugh. “You guys want us to grab you anything?”

“I can’t eat another bite,” Candice says, holding her flat stomach. “Did you see the funnel cake Mike had a little while ago? I definitely indulged a bit too much on that.”

Torrey’s eyes light up. “Is that what that yummy smell was? Oh, I haven’t had funnel cake in forever!”

With that, they drag me out of the stands just as the band blares their halftime show start through the air. As the crowd turns into a line leading to the massive stadium concessions, the girls squeeze up to me.

“You need to think of nights like tonight as your cheat day,” Torrey says, keeping her voice low enough to stay private between the three of us. “Just like any diet, there should always be wiggle room for life.”

“Right,” Gretchen says. “So on nights when you are doing something special, like tonight, you need to eat like a normal person, so you don’t attract attention. You’re an athlete, so healthy choices are fine, and yeah, you’re gonna eat too much and not be able to purge, but you can always make up for the calorie intake over the next few days.”

“A few extra purges here and there, maybe an extra few workouts, whatever,” Torrey says as we slowly keep up with the line. “You don’t have to worry about it because you can adjust just like anyone else does when on a diet. Just make sure you keep up with your food log, and it is easy. And you have done great with your log.”

“What can I get ya?” a high-pitch voice says, grabbing my attention.

All three of us turn to the tablet hooked to the window ledge and look through the virtual menu.

“See?” Torrey says, reaching out to tap the right, upper corner of the screen. “This school has a lot of athletes, so they already have a low-calorie menu.”

I scan the menu, actually impressed with their healthy options. I didn’t even think about paying attention to stuff like this. Torrey gets a Caesar salad, while Gretchen orders a strawberry yogurt parfait. I haven’t eaten today, but only because I missed breakfast after waking up late and had to rush to my first class.

“Can I have the lettuce wrap with chicken, light mayo, tomatoes, and cucumbers, please?”

As the concession worker turns to start getting our food, Torrey bumps my shoulder. “See? Great choices, so not being able to purge won’t be the worst. Plus, what you got is light, so you shouldn’t feel too bothered by it. Everything is about choice, routine, and moderation.”

Nodding, I genuinely smile. I know that most people won’t approve of the purging regardless of how it’s done, but honestly, everything else Torrey and Gretchen teach me doesn’t seem much different than the diets I’ve watched other girls my age do. Calorie counting and exercise are all things our coaches and doctors tell us to be smart about and do regularly anyway, so again, aside from the purging, I don’t see anything wrong with what I’m doing.

Plus, they’re right. As long as I make smart decisions, I don’t have to completely starve myself to the point it’s noticeable, and doing things the way we have the last few weeks have shown results, so I can’t say it doesn’t work.

After paying for our food, we head back to the stands and sit down to start eating as the band is cleaning up after its performance and heading off the field. Candice makes eye contact with me, glances at my food, and then gives me a warm smile. ‘Love you, girl,’ she mouths, and my heart melts a little. Declan isn’t the only person I’ve been off with since last semester, and it’s sucked not having time with Candice and Darcy like we did. My and Declan’s issues are totally my boyfriend’s fault.

But last year, while Declan was breaking my heart, our friends were holding it together, and I’m realizing that I’ve taken too much of my anger out on them. Reaching across the seat, I put one hand on Candice’s and squeeze. She smiles again, just as the announcer comes on and gets the crowd hyped for the second half of the game. Setting my food on its plate and resting it on my lap, I clap and whistle with everyone else as our team comes back out on the field.

Declan finds me, his eyes meeting mine just as I pick up my food to take a bite. The smile on his face is dazzling, and for a moment, I can’t see anything except the guy I fell in love with two years ago. See? Torrey and Gretchen are right— controlling the things I can are helping me meet my weight goals and even bringing balance to the rest of my life.

In my eyes, that means nothing they’re telling me is bad, and I couldn’t be more thankful that they approached me when they did.

Chapter 10 - Declan

Tonight has been the best night I’ve had in months. This game is in the bag as we set up for the last snap with ten seconds on the clock, my girlfriend is happy with our friends in the stands, we haven’t argued in days about anything, and there’s a lightness in my chest for the first time since before I pledged Sigma Nu last year. All in all, everything feels better. The weight Lena’s lost over the last few weeks worried me at first, and I thought she was skipping meals again, but as soon as I said something about getting food and us having dinner with her new friends tonight, they were all in, and she went right to get something to eat, so that eased some of my worry.

Torrey and Gretchen really seem to be a beneficial influence on Lena so far.

The snap happens and like so many games before this, everything moves too fast and too slow at once for me. Catching the snap, I back up a few steps and scan the field. Jackson blocks the guy coming right for me through a gap in the line, and Justus moves like Superman down the field, shaking his defender like a pro. Passing the ball like a missile, it soars, and I hold my breath as he jumps, grabbing the ball and clutching it to his chest just as the defender jumps and wraps his arms around Justus’ waist. They fall in slow-motion . . . landing with a crash just in the end zone.

Cheers from the stands erupt, and as I turn to celebrate, something like a train hits me in the back and drives me to the ground, my shoulder hitting the field with a loud pop as pain shatters and raidiates through my shoulder, collarbone, and down my arm. Whistles go off around me, followed by screaming as the guy is yanked off me. Groaning, I roll onto my back and bring my good hand up to cup my shoulder as the pain intensifies.

“Shit,” I grit as someone unstraps my helmet and yanks it off.

“Declan,” a soft voice says, and I open my eyes to meet Lena’s soft brown ones, her brows together as she leans over me, our coach appearing next to her. “Breathe, baby.”

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