Page 86 of Kiss an Angel

She let Alex carry her along, knowing it wouldn’t do any good to protest. The subject of love made him so skittish that she felt an absurd desire to comfort him. By the time they reached the steps that led back to the boardwalk, she gave into it.

“Alex, it’s all right. I’m not going to fall in love with you.”

As she spoke the words, she felt a funny little hip-hop someplace around her heart. It scared her because she knew that falling in love with him would be a disaster. They were too different. He was tough, stern, and cynical, while she was exactly the opposite.

Then why was it, she wondered, that he stirred something so elemental within her? And why did she seem to understand him so well when he would tell her nothing about his past and nothing about his life apart from the circus? Despite that, she knew that in some way she couldn’t entirely explain, he had helped her create herself anew. Thanks to him, she had a sense of independence she’d never possessed. For the first time in her life, she actually liked herself.

He mounted the stairs. “You’re a romantic, Daisy. It’s not that I think I’m so irresistible—God knows, I don’t—but over the years it’s been my observation that the minute any man puts a red flag in front of a woman, she changes it in her mind to a green one.”

“Pooh.”

They reached the top. He leaned his hips against the rail and studied her. “I’ve seen it happen too many times. Women want what they can’t have, even if what they can’t have isn’t good for them.”

“Is that the way you feel about yourself? That you’re not good for the people in your life.”

“I just don’t want to hurt you. That’s why I got upset when I saw what you’d done with the trailer. The place looks great, and it’ll be easier to live in, but I don’t want us playing at being man and wife. Regardless of the legality, we’re having a fling. That’s all there is to it.”

“A fling?”

“An affair. Whatever. All right—a circumstance.”

“You jerk!”

“You’re proving my point.”

She fought down her anger. “Why did you marry me? I thought it was because my father paid you, but now I don’t believe that.”

“What happened to make you change your mind?”

“I got to know you.”

“And now you don’t think I can be bought?”

“I know you can’t.”

“Everybody has a price.”

“Then what was yours?”

“I owed your father a favor, and I needed to pay him back. That’s all there is to it.”

“It must have been a big favor.”

His expression grew stony, and she was surprised when, after a long silence, he went on. “My parents died in a train wreck in Austria when I was two years old, and I was handed over to my closest relative, my mother’s brother Sergey. He was a sadistic sonovabitch who got his kicks from whipping the crap out of me.”

“Oh, Alex . . .”

“I’m not telling you this to earn your sympathy. I just want you to understand what you’ve gotten yourself into.” He sat down on the bench, and some of the anger seemed to leave him. Leaning forward, he rubbed the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger. “Sit down, Daisy.”

Now that it was too late, she wondered if she should have started this, but she’d gone too far to back away, and she took a seat next t

o him. He stared directly ahead, looking tired and empty.

“You’ve read stories about abused kids who are locked away in attics for years.” She nodded. “Psychologists say that even after these kids are rescued, they don’t develop the same way other kids do. They don’t have the same social skills. If they weren’t exposed to language by a certain age, they never learn to talk. I guess I think love is like that. I didn’t experience it when I was young, and now I can’t do it.”

“What do you mean?”

“I’m not one of those cynics who doesn’t believe love exists, because I’ve seen it in other people’s relationships. But I can’t feel it myself. Not for a woman. Not for anyone. I never have.”

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