Page 95 of Reckless

Miles used to think her hesitation at the beginning with being seen together was an overreaction. Sure, he figured some would think she was on the tour because of her dad. But the group—small though it was—who brought up some whackadoo theory about her fucking her way to a tour slot had no problem making that claim all the time.

When one of the people shouting that stupidity from the rooftops was your mother, it hit differently. Deeper. And he wasn’t willing to let her wallow in this unnecessary pain any longer.

“That’s why you were so mad about me paying the retainer. Not that I wasn’t out of line.” He put his hands up. “I was impatient and wrong to do it without asking. And I see how it played into the narrative she was trying to put out. I’m sorry for it.” He leaned over to kiss her. “But, you’re still vulnerable to her attacks on that. And because of her years of abuse, she’s turned an opinion of a bunch of people who don’t know you at all into a weapon against you. That can’t continue.”

“You’re very full of pronouncements today,” she said.

“Are you new here?” he teased.

“I know I work hard for my success. I know she thinks otherwise and that yes, she doesn’t know me. But it’s hard to be out and about and know strangers have an opinion about my life that’s so…awful.”

“I get it. Not to the extent you face it. I know as a woman it’s far harder and way more common to have to deal with this stuff. But it’s not true. You know that. Your album sales say otherwise.”

“I’m trying to think about that. You know, when I start feeling shitty about someone’s opinion, I need to pull out some high point as a reminder that random people’s perception isn’t reality. I’m trying.”

He nodded. “Your dad will love you even if you make waves. Especially when it’s to protect yourself. Oh don’t get that face. Kids who grow up with parents like Gloria often have issues like this. They want to be perfect because they were denied affection and told it was a result of bad behavior. But all it is, is a result of abuse. She’s fucked your head up and of all the things worth hating her for, that’s the one at the top of my list. Your dad loves you. I love you. Your friends love you. Your fans love you. She doesn’t because she’s incapable of it. That’s not you. That’s her. Every time you find yourself pushing your own feelings down because you’re worried they make you unlovable, I want you to try to remember this conversation and stop it. You’re not unlovable. You are absolutely loveable for countless reasons.”

She huffed a breath and he smiled but kept his eyes closed and deliberately did not think about what a garbage human Gloria Martin was and how she’d tried so hard to destroy Harlow’s heart.

CHAPTERTHIRTY-ONE

The Columbia River Gorge was one of the most beautiful places in Washington to play live music. She’d made the several hour trip from Seattle to see shows more than once since she’d relocated to the state. She’d been backstage with her dad at multiple shows AMJFJ played.

Nothing could have prepared her for what it was like to be on that stage looking out at the crowd instead of the other way around. The river and gorge at her back as the sun began to set made the whole moment surreally perfect.

And hot. August in Eastern Washington wasn’t like the milder summer weather in the greater Seattle area on the west side of the mountains. No, this was real summer. Nuclear ball of fire in the sky and dust stuck to the sweat on her skin summer.

“The last time I was here,” she said into the microphone, “me and my friends,” she indicated Nora and Brian, “sat up there on the lawn.” Harlow pointed to the higher point of the bowl, past the floor seats and the second level seats beyond that. The lawn was the outdoor venue version of the nosebleed section of an indoor arena. “The time it took to get from there to here was long. But oh, so worth it. How you doing up there on the grass tonight?”

The cheers of the crowd made her smile.

“It’s awesome to be ending this tour here. We promise to give you all we’ve got tonight. Keep an eye on your neighbors, okay? It’s hot. Stay hydrated and remember beer doesn’t count as water.”

Nora counted off and they launched straight in to “Dark Heart” as Harlow began to sing. Her dad and Jenna were in the front row along with Marcella and Cherry. In fact, the entire front row was family of one sort or another. Parents, aunts, cousins of not just Above Me, but Earthquakes.

Harlow had been pulled into a hug right before they came out on stage as Erin Brown had tracked her down for that reason. Miles’s aunt had taken a deeper interest in Harlow and had begun to text here and there with various questions or comments.

Gillian had quietly and sweetly let Harlow know that if Erin got to be too much it was okay to tell her so, or to contact Gillian. Erin was a lot. As were all of Miles and Poppy’s family, but they all seemed to come with good intentions.

Still, it was pretty impressive to be hanging out with Sweet Hollow Ranch and Adrian Brown and half the most important musical influences in Harlow’s life. Sure her dad was one of them, but it was mind blowing to consider just who all the people she was surrounded by were. Not only to her, but to musicians and music lovers everywhere.

Right then though, they were dads and aunts and moms and uncles and the like.

“So,” Harlow began as their set neared the end. “Wanna hear something new?”

The crowd roared and she looked over at Brian, who grinned wide, and then back to Nora, who’d been the one who, along with Maddie’s help, had written the song with Harlow.

“This one needs an extra guitar and I know you’ll give her a big welcome. Maddie Hurley.”

Maddie came jogging out, already holding her guitar. She waved at the audience, who renewed their excited hooting and shouting.

The opening lines were, “Yeah and I am my own country. I know where I end and you begin. Don’t stop me from wanting. Won’t stop you from taking as much as you give.

Miles stood there listening to a song she’d written about him. She’d told him she had a surprise for him toward the end of their set and that Maddie was part of it. The reality of that promise was…so much better, so much more than he’d imagined it.

“She wrote a song for you,” Silas said quietly at Miles’s side. “Gotta admit, Harlow is the fucking real deal. I’m going to miss her after today.”

Miles snorted a laugh. “Right? No need to miss her though, Si. She’s going to be part of my life and since you’re also part of my life, we’ll see her as often as we can around our work.” This opening gig, being able to see her and be with her every day for three months had been spectacular. Had given him a chance to really dig deep and get to know her but also lots of time to play and have fun.

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