Page 83 of Reckless Rebel

“Playboy,” I cry as Elle and Lincoln start rapidly typing on their phones. “Where are you?”

I swear I can hear a smile in his voice now, “I’m at the place where the stars shine the brightest around here,” he sighs like he is finally content. “They look so fucking beautiful, Riles, you should see them.”

Elle grabs me and starts dragging me towards the exit as she talks quickly into her phone, nodding at me to keep him talking, “You’re right, I should see them,” I swallow down my sob. “Tell me where you are and I’ll come see them with you.”

The silence feels like a lifetime but in reality it’s no more than a couple of seconds before he utters two words that threaten to break me forever, “Goodbye, Red.”

There aren’t many things I will remember in life, but those two words, the sound of the phone disconnecting, and the grief stricken look in Elle's eyes will remain with me forever. We both stand frozen, staring at the phone in my hand, willing for it to come alive again, but it doesn’t, I don’t.

“River,” Elle gasps.

“On it.” He disappears, as Elle dials on her own phone, her hand shaking, and I think she is trying Jace until I hear her half of the conversation.

“Ash, I have to go, I need you to take Cass.” She pauses listening to whatever is being said on the other side before she holds her breath and says, “No, it’s bad,” she pauses before she adds, “Crabsticks.”

I don’t have time to decipher whatever ‘crabsticks’ means before we are pushing out of a fire exit and turning the corner to find Marcus throwing open the door of a car and I am being shoved inside.

“Where are we going?” I ask, my voice breaking in panic.

Elle is up front beside Marcus driving, and Lincoln is beside me, but it’s Marcus that responds, glancing at Elle as he talks. “The tracks, he’s at the tracks.”

Nobody says anything else and the fifteen minute car ride at a speed I can’t even fathom feels like the longest ride of my life. When we pull up to the dark, abandoned tracks, none of us hesitate to get out of the car. My eyes are wide as I scan the unfamiliar area for any sign of him as we split up and search.

Elle is like a woman on a mission and I wish I could have her sense of calm and control in such chaos, but I can’t, the only thing keeping me together right now is the need to find him.

Elle beats me to it, “Marcus!” The way she shouts his name slams into me, the utter heartbreak in it has me stumbling towards her barely keeping my footing, already knowing what I am going to find. “We need an ambulance, now!” Her cry cracks my already shattered heart.

No. Please no.

When I reach her, I break, fall, but Lincoln is there to catch me, I don’t know how, he barely looks like he can hold himself up, but he does. Jace looks like he’s sleeping, quiet, peaceful, happy, almost like the mornings I woke up to him on vacation.

Elle starts CPR as Marcus shouts into the phone for the paramedics to hurry, but all I can focus on is the blood, where is it coming from?

I push out of Lincoln’s hold and drop beside Jace’s motionless body. His face is blank and his hands are cold, Elle presses down on his chest with everything she has muttering the same words over and over.

“Not again, not again, not again.”

When I wrap my fingers with his I see it, the sharp red cuts across his knuckles, they’re broken and bleeding. As I lift his hand to inspect it, something falls out and I reach down to grab it. My hand find an empty plastic bag wrapped around an empty pill bottle. I blink my eyes a few times like it will make what I am seeing disappear, but it doesn’t. The seal of the bottle is freshly broken which means he has taken the everything that was inside. He did this, he actually did this, tried to take his life so he didn’t have to be here anymore.

My meltdown can’t be held in any longer, I fracture, sobs breaking out of my chest uncontrollably as the sirens begin to screech towards us. There is blood on his hands and he isn’t breathing, it’s going to be too late, I was too late.

As they arrive I fight against whoever tries to pull me back until I turn and find my dad, his eyes glossy as he takes in my manic state.

“Dad,” I cry. “I couldn’t save him.”

My body gives out once more and I fall against him, his arms catching me just in time, he picks me up and cradles me like I am a child as we watch Jace get loaded into the ambulance. Elle climbs in after him and then the four of us are left to watch the lights disappear into the distance and I can’t help but wonder, is that the last time I ever see Jace Conrad?

42

Jace

I don’t feel anything. No pain, no guilt, no regret, just pure beautiful nothingness. I sigh, I’m finally free, my trauma no longer dragging me down, and no one left to hurt or disappoint. I turn to find green and hazel eyes waiting to greet me, but where I expect happiness and excitement, I find anger and sadness.

“You shouldn’t be here, they need you.”

My hand reaches out to them but something jolts me back.

“Go home, Jace, this isn’t right.”

---