Page 7 of Reckless Rebel

Jace’s shoulders sag under her touch, and he moves to pull away, but then slams the guy into the wall again. “Put hands on her again and I’ll fucking kill you.” His words land like a promise rather than a threat and goosebumps break out across my skin. He lets the guy drop to the floor, and the girl, who doesn’t so much as look at the creep on the floor, reaches out and clasps her hand in his, dragging him out of the party and into the night.

Everyone watches them leave and then I hear a couple of people mumble something that sounds like, ‘Typical Rebels’. Before the music restarts and the party continues. But me? My stare still lingers long after they’ve gone, wondering how the hell a guy like that can think he’s so above everyone else. Orgies, drugs, a beautiful girlfriend and a death threat.

What an asshole.

5

Jace

My head is pounding as the scent of candy floss arouses me from my deep sleep. My eyes burn as I open them and I’m not sure if it’s from the lack of sleep or the sunlight pouring into the room. What the fuck? I never have my curtains open, but then I realize I’m not in my room. Fuck. Did I go home with someone last night? I never do that, it’s another one of my rules, never lead a girl on by letting her think it’s more than just sex. It will never be more than just sex for me, not again. I feel a featherlight touch on my hand and I panic. I take a quiet deep breath, as my eyes flutter, allowing my vision to clear. I spot the culprit and the dreaded weight filling my chest lifts.

Instead of a nameless girl who would have ridiculous notions, I find my favorite person in the whole world. Cassie is snoring softly beside me, her blonde mass of curls a mess with Elle’s arm curled tight around her. Both of them are the mirror image of each other as they sleep. I breathe them in, their presence better than any high. If only I wasn’t such a wreck and I could actually let them in more. But I can’t. They are just two more people I am going to lose one day, and now I have another name to add to that list.

I try to slip out of bed quietly, but as soon as I move Cassie’s eyes snap open and she smiles sleepily at me.

“Jaceeee,” she drags out quietly. “You have a sleepover?” I have no recollection of even getting home, let alone ending up in her room, so I just nod.

She wriggles out of Elle’s hold and crawls over me, putting her little hands on my cheeks. “Good, I missed you so much.” She leans down, curling her arms around my neck and my whole body softens.

I bring my arms around her to hug her back, breathing in her sweet scent. “I missed you too, Princess.”

I look over her head and find Elle watching us with a sad smile on her face. The same smile that always seems to linger there these days when she watches me. I hate it, I want to scream at her to stop, but I know she is just trying to be there for me. Why can’t she understand that isn’t what I want? What I deserve.

She sits up slowly. “Coffee?”

Cassie whips her head up. “Morning Mommy.”

Elle reaches out and tousles her curls. “Morning, Sweetheart, you want some pancakes?”

“Yesssss!” She squeals, and the sound makes me cringe from the pain in my head.

Elle glances at me and then back to Cassie. “Okay, well, go and find River, I’ll be there in just a minute.”

Cassie leaps off the bed, excited to go find Marcus. Their bond has gone from strength to strength since the night he saved her, the same with Asher too, they’ve both stepped up and truly made amends for her. We both watch her leave and I silently prepare myself for whatever lecture I am about to get. I’ve pretty much heard every version of them from all members of my family in the last five months.

“Jace,” she starts, and I can’t bear the sad tone of her voice, it cuts through my shame like a knife.

I squeeze my eyes close, attempting to soothe the ache there. “Please, Elle, just don’t say anything.”

I feel her move next to me as she snuggles up to me, laying her head on my shoulder. “I know you miss her,” she starts, voice breaking, “I miss her. God do I miss her. But she wouldn’t want this.”

I feel the tear slip down the side of my cheek, grateful that it’s on the opposite side to where Elle’s head lays. I can’t break in front of her, because she would hold onto me and never let go. Forcing herself to keep the pieces of me intact, but I’ve been broken for so long that I don’t even have all my pieces anymore, Taylor took the last one and ripped it to shreds. No one else even dares to say her name in front of me, but Elle always pushes. She understands in a way my brothers don’t, she was there.

We both felt that feeling of powerlessness as she was dragged into the room already abused and covered in bruises. We felt that stab of pain as the bag was lifted off her head and her scared eyes locked on ours. And we both watched helplessly and in horror as Greg slid the knife across her throat before letting her lifeless body hit the concrete of the warehouse. No one could possibly understand the pain of that without being there to witness it. It’s why she seeks me out, it’s not just for me, but for her as well, we get each other in a way others don’t, in a way they shouldn’t. But how can I possibly try and be an anchor for her pain when I can’t even manage my own?

When she realizes I’m not going to answer she continues. “Rachel wouldn’t want this, none of this was your fault.”

I scoff and she stops, sitting up to look at me, and I know the moment she sees the tears in my eyes because she freezes, barely whispering my name.

I shoot off the bed, wiping my cheeks as I go. “I should have protected them, I should have done better, I could have done better, but instead I did nothing.” I take a deep breath as that same wrecking ball of pain crashes into my chest anytime I think about them. I may have been too young to save Rachel, but with Taylor it was different.

I look back to Elle and see her watching me, nothing but love in her eyes and it makes me sick to my stomach. “I just stood there, Elle. I just stood there while that sick fuck was forcing you to marry him, and I did nothing.” My voice breaks on the last word, and she moves to get off the bed to come towards me, but I halt her with my hand. If she comes to me now I will break completely, break beyond repair, never to be fixed again. I refuse to drag her or anyone else down with me.

“I did nothing,” I repeat. “He slit her throat,” I gasp, “He slit Taylor’s throat right there in front of us.” I take another breath as the memory washes over me, every pain receptor in my body aching, screaming at me to inhale something to numb it. “He killed her and I did nothing.”

“Jace, you were hurt, we had just been in the crash, we were tied up, I was right there with you, doing nothing. There was nothing to be done.” She’s pleading now, tears in her own eyes at her memory of it, and I want to comfort her. To wipe them away and tell her everything is okay, but how can I do that when it would just be a lie? It’s not okay, it will never be okay.

I can’t be here, I can’t do this. I move to walk past her, but she grabs my arm tight in her hands. Hands I know could take me down if she wanted to. “They’re gone, Jace,” she whispers. “And I know you know how sorry I am about that, but you’re not. We’re not. I’m right here for you, just let me in.”

---