Page 52 of Reckless Rebel

Well dad I gave him my virginity in the bathroom and then left and got jealous over my sister's brother dancing with someone else, which made my boyfriend jealous enough to yell at me in front of everyone and leave. I imagine that’s not the answer he is looking for so instead I shrug, "We argued, I think we broke up, I'm not really sure."

He nods, staring at me intently, "Maybe some time apart will do you good, give you some perspective."

I turn towards him with a huff, "You would say that you hate him almost as much as Jace."

"Now come on, no one could hate him as much as Jace," he teases, and I laugh because it's probably true.

Taking a deep breath I try to explain it to him as best as I can, "I thought we were perfect, that we were made for each other like you and mom, but I don't know, these last few weeks everything has just been so different, just hard I guess, and I don't know if I want to try anymore." It’s the first time I have let myself admit any of that out loud, but as soon as I do I feel as if the weight lifts off my shoulders. Like my head knew what I wanted before my heart could catch up, and now they are both finally on the same page.

"Sounds like you already made your mind up there, kid."

Have I? I honestly don't know anymore, I'm just so sick of feeling like this, I want fun and adventure. I want someone who makes me laugh, not cry.

"Was there ever anyone else for you dad? Like besides mom."

"Never. Not for me, but your mom," he sighs, "She came from the better side of town, had better grades, better friends, and there was one guy who she dated a little before we met. They seemed like the perfect couple, her parents loved him, and of course he wasn't a little shit like I was." He smiles at his own memories.

"What happened?" I have never heard this story before, just about how my parents were meant for one another.

"Fate," he smiles with mischief in his eyes. "And a little conning on my part. I unplugged the battery in her car and made sure I was the only one around to fix it." He looks so proud as he explains it and I’m shocked.

"You're kidding, that's cheating!" I yell, but also feeling kind of proud of him wanting her that badly that he did that.

"What? The other kid had good looks and money on his side, so I had to get creative."

I shake my head in disbelief, "Does mom know this?"

Now it’s his turn to roll his eyes, "Of course she does, I can’t keep anything from that woman. I told her about it on our first date, and she told me she had been the one to steal my English homework the week before to try to get me in her tutor group to catch up."

"I can't believe you guys, my childhood is a lie."

"Nah, sometimes you just can't let the perfect opportunity pass you by. Life is too short to be an unhappy baby, so when you do find that feeling you gotta fight for it."

His words are still ringing in my head hours later as we sit and enjoy our usual first night dinner. I thought it would be weird having Jace here, but he has settled in as if he has always been here. He helped my mom prepare dinner, my dad chop some wood for the fire pit, and Sofia with some painting. I try to envision what Rick would be like if he were invited, he’d probably offer to help out too, but it would only be to gain praise rather than just out of the goodness of his heart.

I woke up this morning with perspective, like having sex with Rick allowed me to take off the blinders on my eyes and really see. I look at my parents, how they glow under each other's stares, I think about breakfast this morning at Jace’s house, how the older couple introduced as Arthur and Helen teased one another as they sat around a table filled with their non-biological children. How Elle and Marcus moved like magnets around each other as they cared for Cassie and enjoyed breakfast with their friends.

That’s how it should be, how I want it to be, but how do you know when you find it? When I finally meet the one meant for me, will it just spark into existence without me even realizing, and should I stop looking and just let it find me?

27

Jace

The only thing I can focus on is how bright the stars are. Never in my life have I seen stars shine so intensely, not even when I go down to the tracks. It’s like the lack of light around here makes them glisten across the darkened sky. This place really is beautiful, I can see why the Deckers come back here every year, and I am grateful that this year I get to be invited.

A vacation like this is something Rachel and I could have only dreamed of, and yet here I am now, living it without her. It’s those thoughts that have me out of bed in the middle of the night and laying under the stars instead of sleeping. Today was perfect, the car ride was fun, unpacking was easy, and dinner was great. Just the perfect family dinner, so why can’t I relax?

I hear the door slide open and closed and I don’t have to look to know it’s Riley, her presence making every hair on my body stand on end as goosebumps dance along my skin.

“Little late for sunbathing, Playboy.” I crack a small smile at her attempt at making a joke, just like I did last night to try and cheer her up. Just the fact she knows I need cheering up makes my chest ache. She is beginning to get too near to me, noticing things about me, and what I need. How do I push her away, when all I want to do is drag her closer?

“Don’t worry I put on my nightscreen.” I take another deep slug from the bottle of whiskey in my hand.

“What are you doing out here?” I hear her approaching and will myself to lie to her, but I am just so tired of hiding. Just because I can’t have her, doesn’t mean we can’t be friends, we share a sister for fuck’s sake, so I don’t really have a choice. Plus the booze and drugs swimming through me make it hard to remember why I’m not supposed to tell her.

I sigh, “Same thing I do every night, Red, wish on all the stars in the sky and hope they listen.”

I don’t look at her as she comes up next to me and lays down on the double lounger beside me. Our arms are just a breath away from touching one another. “What do you wish for?” She whispers into the night, like she is scared to ask, but desperate to know.

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