Page 82 of Reckless Rebel

Everything in the room ceases to exist except for the feeling of my fist finally colliding with his jaw, then nothing but total euphoria and blackness.

When I am eventually ripped away from him and manage to focus, I note his bloody, swollen face and fill with pure satisfaction, until I hear the gasps of all the party goers. Everyone in the room has stopped, their entire attention on me. I turn and see Lincoln and Logan are the ones who pulled me back, a look of resigned defeat in both their eyes. I find Marcus across the room with Zack trying to pull people's attention back to the gala and direct them for dinner. Cassie is being cradled in Arthur’s arms as Helen and Lily attempt to distract her from my actions, both of them looking solemn. It’s only then I let myself glance over to Riley, she takes a step forward but Gerry stops her, a look of disappointment on his face as he bends down and picks up a crying Sofia, I didn’t even notice she was here. Fuck.

“It’s okay, we got this.” Asher directs the security, a mix of Max’s guys who I didn’t even notice, and some others I’m not familiar with. He looks murderous.

When Elle appears in front of me with the same expression I know I fucked up. “One night, Pretty Boy, I only asked for one night.” Her voice cracks before she takes a deep breath and sighs, “You need to leave, I can’t trust you here tonight, I’m sorry, but you have to go.”

I glance back at Lincoln, thinking maybe he will come to my defense, but I am met with nothing but stony silence. Even my brothers don’t believe in me anymore. I take one last look at Riley who for the first time since I met her, looks scared. Good, she should be. I rip my arms away from Lincoln and Logan and push past the security and head towards the exit. I make it just a step outside before I hear his voice.

“Conrad.” Asher halts me in the doorway, and when I turn I find that deadly Donovan look in his eye, “You pull anything like that in front of my daughter again and I will take great pleasure in granting your wish of no longer wanting to be here.”

Clearly a response isn’t required because he turns and heads back inside before I can even open my mouth. I take a deep breath, looking up to the sky trying to decide what to do now, but I already know the answer to that question. Deep down I know what I have to do.

Nobody wants me here, I’ve just ruined everything, like I always do. I couldn’t even keep it together for one night in honor of Taylor, I wasn’t good enough for her, I’m not good enough for Riley, and I’m certainly not good enough for Sofia and my family. So, why am I even here?

41

Riley

Seeing him is like a band-aid being placed over my bleeding heart, it doesn’t stop the pain but it helps if only a little. It’s like I have been dying without his presence and I have just been given a quick and fast fix. The defeat in his eyes is clear as day as he takes one last look at me and then turns to leave, taking my broken heart with him.

As I watch him walk away I pretend my heart isn’t breaking. That the shattered pieces of it aren’t cutting my chest up from the inside out. How did this happen? How did I fall so hard, so fast, and without even realizing it? Jace Conrad was never meant to happen, he was never part of my plan, and I tried to avoid him, tried to stop it from happening, but he took a wrecking ball to my life and left without witnessing the destruction.

It’s only been six days since we came home from vacation. Six long, excruciating, crying filled days. I thought I was better than this, but I fell for his pretty words and tainted touches until I could see nothing but me and him. I am just another girl who fell for the bad boy with an even worse reputation and dark past.

He murdered someone. He took another man’s life and told me he didn’t regret it, and what? I just expected to not be another casualty in his fucked up life. I should be glad, grateful that he is pushing me away instead of dragging me down, so how come instead of being happy I feel like I can barely breathe?

I knew tonight was a bad idea. It took every ounce of effort within me to even force myself to get dressed, but I knew deep down I wanted to be here, for my dad, and for Taylor. I didn’t know her, but knowing what happened to her, what she meant to Jace, it felt important.

I wasn’t sure he was going to be here, but the second I stepped into the room I noticed him, every dark, broken inch of him. I didn’t think he could look any worse than when I last saw him, apparently I was wrong. Tonight he barely looked like he was part of the living world, and the second we locked eyes and I saw his distraught face I wanted to go to him, to tell him it’s okay to fall apart, that I could help put him back together, but I don’t think I can.

We are all forced to the dining tables to enjoy an early dinner, but I can’t relax, not after what just happened. I don’t know where Rick has gone, or what went down between the two of them, but somehow I just know that whatever happened it wasn’t Jace’s fault. We all try to eat and relax, but I can see the same tension in my family, and Elle and hers, as I feel within myself. I have to do something.

Jace is crumbling apart right before my eyes, falling into the depths of his demons that I know will take over and destroy him completely if he lets them. I can’t just stand by and let that happen, no matter what is going on between us. I won’t let him become nothing.

I push my chair back, getting the attention of my parents immediately, “Excuse me for a moment, I’ll be right back,” I say, as I pat my mouth with my napkin and leave the table without waiting for their rebuttal.

I don’t stop until I find a quiet corner outside of the hall and I am already dialling his number before I can even process anything else. It rings endlessly as I repeat the motions over and over.

Tap. Dial.Voicemail. Tap. Dial. Voicemail.

Come on Jace, pick up.

When the call finally connects I almost miss it, “Jace?”

“Thought you would have lost my number by now, Riles.” His voice sounds distant and groggy, “You really are a glutton for punishment.”

“Jace, where are you, are you okay?” I hear his heavy breaths as he doesn’t respond, “Jace, talk to me please.”

I ask in such desperation that I don’t even consider what he might say until his words are slicing through me. “Do you believe in heaven, Red?

The panic takes over my entire being, “Jace, where are you?” How my voice holds firm I’m not sure, but I know I have to get to him. I move back towards the hall where everyone is enjoying their meal and wave frantically like a mad woman until both my mom and Elle notice me. When they see my face they both abruptly stand, getting other people’s attention as they move towards me.

I focus back on Jace but it’s like he doesn’t even hear me, “I used to believe in heaven, used to imagine Rachel there, watching me, but I’m not so sure anymore.”

Tears flow down my cheeks as I am joined by Elle, Marcus, Lincoln, and my dad, switching the phone to loudspeaker as I beg him now, “Jace, please, just tell me where you are so I can come get you.”

I hear his sniff and a muffled grunt which has alarm flaring in his brother's eyes before he responds, “I was almost so selfish with you, Red, I almost let you save me, but I know how wrong that was of me, just know I really did fall for you.”

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