Page 66 of Pain and Possession

I stare at Olive as she takes another ridiculously small bite of her breakfast, pushing the rest of it around with her fork like she's been doing for the past five minutes. I finish the rest of my coffee before reaching over stealing a piece of half eaten bacon from her plate and popping it in my mouth.

She doesn't even notice.

"What are you thinking about little doll? You're killing me." She fixes those big round eyes on me before frowning. I can't help the way my heart sputters in my chest.

"What are you thinking about? You've been weird all morning."

I clench my jaw. You're the head of the Arcuri crime family, killed more than you can count, robbed a bank, raided entire police stations and compounds. Fucking hell, you even pulled off a heist at a military base, but you're scared to ask a five-foot four woman if she'll be your girlfriend?

Get a fucking grip.

Stupid fucking unwanted advice, everything was fine until last night. Until Nona made one good point that skull fucked me into whatever the hell mindset I'm in now.

God, I'm nervous.

What if she says no? I can't let her go; I can't lose Olive. I look back to her as she raises an eyebrow at me. It's not like we aren't already in a relationship, right? Why do I need to ask her? It makes no fucking sense. She's mine period. She's wearingmyfamily crest. Even now it dangles from her small wrist, reflecting the sunlight the same way her eyes do.

My little doll.

I've got one of the most important meetings of my life in just a few hours and an entire battle plan to sift through and here I am worried she won'tlikeme back. She scoffs sitting her fork back down loudly, frowning at her sudden lack of bacon.

So adorable.

"Olive, I love you."

She bites into her bottom lip, her cheeks turning a rosy shade of pink. The same way they always do. I never want that to stop. Not for the rest of my life. Fuck I don't want her to be my girlfriend, I want to marry her. I want everything, things I've never even considered before and I want it with Olive. She doesn't respond making my heart thump painfully in my chest. I lower my fork from the table placing it into my lap before clasping my fist tightly around the tines.

It doesn't help.

"Noè for fucks sake spit it out, you're making me anxious. You look like you're about to vomit."

Not the most romantic start to this conversation Olive.

I give her a weak chuckle; it comes off awkward.

I've never been awkward.

"I want you. I want to be with you, the right way. For you to want me back, for it to be your choice. Like equals." As soon as the words leave my mouth, I wish I could take them back. Take the choice back from her.

"If you remove the bracelet now, I'll-“

The sound of her abruptly standing, cuts me off. My eyes go wide, my heart free-falling as she storms from the restaurant. The sound of snickering comes from the next table over as I throw some money down, glaring at them. The women immediately cast each other a panicked look. I head down the sidewalk, hating myself for being so fucking stupid. I keep fucking things up. I keep saying the wrong things, acting like a fucking idiot.

Anger flares when I see her heading down an alley, alone, "Olive!" She doesn't respond.

"Do you have any fucking clue how much danger you could be in right now?" She ignores me her small fists clenched at her sides.

"Don't you fucking ignore me"! I shout as I catch up to her, jerking her back towards me. All my anger melting away when I see the tears spilling down her reddened cheeks, "Olive…?"

She slaps me, hard. Only this time the pain doesn't absolve me of anything. It doesn't take away the heaviness in my chest. My cheek stings and I don't care. I'm not mad, I just want to understand. Fuck relationships are confusing. I grip her wrists tightly pinning them to my chest to stop the following assaults. She cries out in frustration, taking deep breaths.

"I'm going to let go of you but if you walk away from me again Olive so fucking help me…"

"Don't." She sniffles, "Don't let go." I tug her into me, wrapping her in my arms as she lays her head against my chest, "I'm scared that if I answer your question honestly, people you love will get hurt. Because of me. You'll get hurt, because of me and in the end, you'll only end up resenting me for it. So will they, they'll hate me. You'll hate me Noè."

"Never."

She looks up at me as I wipe the tears from her cheeks, "What if loving me costs you everything? All you have to do is say goodbye to me, tolerate bitchface Camilla and your kingdom is saved." Her words should make me feel warm, maybe even make me admire her desire to keep me safe. But it doesn't. It makes me, angry.

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