She was right. They lived in different parts of the world and had different commitments. Her job held her in LA, while his steadfast commitment to his family and his volunteer work held him in Patterson’s Bluff. She’d sacrificed being close to her family to chase her dreams, and he’d never cultivated any dreams of his own.
“So that’s what I mean when I say I’m better off sticking with what I have, which is my career, instead of chasing what might be.”
“And what might be?” His voice was low and rough. Maybe hearing her say the words would make it easier to walk away.
But part of him knew it wasn’t true. What they’d shared, no matter how brief, was everything he’d hoped for when he purchased a ticket to LA. Back then, he had no plans beyond tracking her down. Had he been hoping she might come back to Australia with him? Maybe. Had he thought that finding out whether she wrote Wave of Love about him would magically solve these very problems? Yes. It was naive but it was the truth.
Because what “might be” was something pretty bloody amazing.
She held up her hand. “Sean—”
“Tell me. I want to hear you say it, so I know I’m not the only one thinking it’s crazy to walk away from this. Lily, I—”
“No.” Tears glimmered in her eyes and she blinked. “Please don’t say it.”
Hurt coiled through his body like a snake. He knew this was his own fault, because they’d made an arrangement and he couldn’t even last a couple of days without wanting more. “Do you know what I’m going to say?”
Her breath stuttered. She opened her mouth, but then snapped it shut a second later.
“Don’t do this again.” He shook his head.
“Do what?” she whispered.
“Come so close to saying what you feel only to back down because it’s too scary.”
“When have I done that before?” She folded her arms across her chest, her eyes blazing.
“The night we kissed on the last day of high school.”
“It was barely a kiss. It wouldn’t even get a PG rating. And you were dating my friend. What was I supposed to do?”
That moment had changed so much for Sean—their lips had barely brushed, and then they’d pulled away in shock. At eighteen, it was quite the feat of willpower. That night, he’d broken up with Lisa. The most telling thing of all was that she’d seemed relieved. It probably had something to do with the fact that she’d secured a place at a Sydney university and he’d known from the early days they were only a temporary item. Lisa was fun and outgoing, but Patterson’s Bluff was only ever a steppingstone for her.
It was never serious… which also meant it was never scary. Not like it would have been to date Lily, where he could see a future. Where he would be devastated if they broke up.
Lisa had categorically been the safe option.
“I broke up with her that night. I came to your place the next day to tell you it was over, but…”
“I’d already left.” Realisation flashed across her face. “I begged Mum to let me stay with her sister in Melbourne, so I didn’t have to face you before university started.”
That was their first near miss.
“Then years later I saw a movie called Wave of Love,” he replied. Lily’s cheeks reddened further. “And I tried to email you.”
She frowned. “I never received any emails. You must have used an old address.”
“And my Facebook messages?”
“I…” She shook her head. “I hardly ever check Facebook. I found some old messages in there, almost a year after the movie came out. But it had been so long since you’d written that I felt awkward writing back.”
She had absolutely no idea how desperate he’d been to see her.
“I was coming to LA,” he said. “I bought a ticket, and went to the airport, and got all the way through security…”
She brought her hand to her mouth.
“I watched the planes roll in and out for an hour, waiting for my boarding time. I was coming to see you.” His heart clenched at the memory. “I had every intention of finding you in LA and…”