Page 30 of Redemption

Chapter 24

I’d been seeingDr. Parrish for a few weeks now, and we’d spent several sessions discussing my yearnings to submit to Josie. After talking over my fears and insecurities, I finally decided I was ready to take that leap and learn how my complete submission could help me let all these emotions inside me go. I wouldn’t be allowed to think. The guilt and regret would have no room when the pleasure took over. Pain and pleasure would drown out everything, and my only focus would be on pleasing my Mistress and releasing the pent up toxic emotions. Josie and I had also started talking more often. No longer did we leave the room when the other entered. We’d truly begun to communicate.

Tonight was the night. My visit to Eden had already been cleared through the owners, and it was the first time I was going to be there knowing full well I was meeting Josie and not Jasmine.

Philip greeted me at the door, and the thump thump of the music coming from the common area reverberated through me as I got closer. Even knowing I’d have on more clothing than many of the people in here, I was twitchy about walking into the room wearing only a pair of low-slung leather pants. For the first time since starting to come here, I wasn’t wearing a shirt. I wasn’t self-conscious about my body; I mean I went to the gym. But in here, nakedness felt different. It was more.

As I stepped into the room, my eyes immediately began scanning the room for Josie. Bryce told me she’d most likely be at the rope suspension area. Rope was her area of expertise. I’d researched rope play after I’d been given this tidbit of info. It had me intrigued. The overall concept of being tied up sounded kinky, and I was totally on board, but from the things I’d read, it was more than that.

It was all about trust and definitely about giving up control. You were bound, yet completely exposed. There was definitely no hiding. You were helpless and at the mercy of the person who controlled the scene. I’d read in one article about the pleasure submissives experienced even after they were untied, because the patterns left on their skin by the rope was a symbol of what their master had done to them. It was as though they’d been branded. It was almost a sign of ownership, which pleased both partners. I was both anxious and nervous to experience it.

It was then that I spotted her. I remained where I was, observing her in her element. The expression on her face was one I’d seen only once: the first, and only, time we’d played. Jealousy coursed through me, even if I didn’t have the right to feel it. I’d pushed Josie away, so I had no claim on her. But seeing her with another man, even if they weren’t having intercourse, had me seeing red. Especially when I could sense the euphoria radiating off her. Her determined and focused expression as she tied knot after knot around the male sub’s bound arms had me seething. I was hers. But no matter how jealous I was, I held myself back. I’d been educated on how important it was to not interrupt a scene already in play. So, I waited.

After what felt like hours, Josie finally had the sub unbound. A man joined them and began stroking the sub’s hair. He bent down and pressed a soft kiss to the male’s head before helping him onto his feet. Hand-in-hand they walked away from the area and sat on a nearby couch. I saw the Dom direct the sub to lie down and place his head on the Dom’s lap. He continued providing aftercare, and I had to look away. Continuing to watch them seemed like an invasion of privacy. What was going on between them was special, and they didn’t need me gawking. Instead, I headed over to where Josie stood with her back to me as she talked to another woman.

When I reached her, I dropped to my knees, sat back on my heels, placed my hands on my thighs, and bowed my head. Then, I prayed. Something I hadn’t done since I was a kid. A soft gasp sounded above me, but I remained still.

“Miles? What are you doing here?” I hated how hesitant her voice now sounded. Especially after the confidence I’d seen in her only moments ago.

“I’m here for you, Mistress.” Then I took a deep breath and raised my head to look her straight in the eye. I wanted her to recognize how sincere my actions were. “I’m yours. Tonight. Tomorrow. For however long you’ll have me. I want you to show me how to heal, Josie. I can’t do this without you. So, here I am. Humbling myself before you. I’m yours to command. To control.”

Neither of us moved for the longest time. After the pain I’d caused her, I knew Josie was hesitant. All I could do was hope she took pity on me quickly. Kneeling for her felt right when I first did it. But my submission was for her alone. While I didn’t know if her intent was to make me suffer, I grew uncomfortable with the attention that was being given to us. I remained stiffly kneeling, forcing myself not to fidget. If this was what she needed, what she thought I needed, then this was what I would do… for the both of us.

Finally, a spark entered her eye. A twinkle that had been lacking since I’d pushed her away two weeks ago. She stepped over to me and drew my head to rest against her stomach. Hesitantly, I raised my hands from my thighs and wrapped them around her waist, pulling her even closer, and I breathed in her citrus smell. We remained embracing, essentially forgetting everyone around us. Eventually, she took a step back, and my hands returned to my thighs. Then I bowed my head again and waited to see what would happen next.

Her hand appeared in my vision as she tipped my chin up to look at her again. Josie’s expressions had always been so easy to read. The emotion I was seeing now was not one that had ever been directed at me. She was focused, stern, yet loving. Her next words came out confident, strong, and powerful. Immediately, I knew who was in charge.

“There’s no turning back now, Miles. This is it. It’s all or nothing. You can’t come back and say you didn’t fully understand what you were doing when you agreed to this submission. This is who I am, Miles. It’s who I’ll always be. I also think this is who you are as well. I will never do anything to break your trust, but I will push you past the point of comfort. You just have to embrace this side of you. Let go of everything else. All your preconceived notions need to be tossed out the window. Release your fears, your guilt, your regret. Don’t think. Feel. By surrendering yourself, you’ll take back control. Just submit. Can you do that, Miles?”

Every word out of her mouth scared the shit of me. I’d been living with this guilt for so long, it was almost as though it was now a part of me. I wasn’t sure I knew how to let go. For her, though, I would do my damnedest.

“Yes, Mistress.”

A smile unlike one I’d ever seen before lit up Josie’s entire face. Power unlike any I’d ever known surged through me knowing I was the one who put that expression on her face. A rush came over me as adrenaline coursed through my veins. Excitement beat like a drum inside my chest. I was taking a leap of faith. Plunging into unchartered territory. It was a heady feeling.

“Then come, Miles.” Before we moved from the suspension area, she reached down to grab a bag I hadn’t even noticed lying on the floor. Unlike the two previous times, she didn’t take my hand as she walked toward the familiar back hallway. It was as though she needed to know I followed her of my own accord. Not because she was pulling me along with her, but rather, I freely went with her because I wished to go wherever she led.

---