Page 29 of Redemption

Chapter 23

I’d been sittingat my desk when the knock startled me. I looked up and pleasure coursed through me at the sight of Josie standing there. I hadn’t spoken to her in almost a week. Not since she’d let her secret out. Plus, I still recovering from the sting of discovering she was Mistress Jasmine, even though I’d mostly forgiven her. Especially after my discussion with Dr. Parrish and realizing that I wanted a future with Josie. Now, I was anxious to speak with her. I’d finally set aside most of my anger and my resistance to submitting to Josie and was ready to embrace everything she had to offer me.

“Hey there.” I spoke softly, unsure how our encounter was about to go.

“Hi. Can I come in?”

I stood swiftly and gestured for her to have seat. “Of course.”

She closed my office door and settled into the chair.

“I’m sor—”

“So, wha—”

We chuckled awkwardly as we both started speaking at once.

I bade her to continue. “Go ahead.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you I was Mistress Jasmine sooner. I know you feel betrayed and confused. It was never my intention to hurt you, Miles. I’ve wanted, no, needed you for so long that I didn’t think things through. I’m sorry.”

“I understand, and I’ve forgiven you. It took a lot of courage for you to bare yourself to me that night. At the time, it felt like a betrayal of our friendship. But, I can understand why you did it. My self-pity has been out of control. I know this now. I’m working on fixing it. Getting my mind right.”

She smiled softly. “I heard you were seeing someone about that. I’m proud of you. I know it takes a lot of courage to talk to a stranger about your problems.”

I blushed a little at her praise. “I didn’t just do it for me, you know?”

A crease appeared in the middle of her forehead; she looked puzzled at my statement.

“I did it for you. For us. I’ve learned a few things about myself during the couple of sessions I’ve had with Dr. Parrish. Things I’ve refused to admit.”

“Oh, Miles.” She appeared dumfounded as she lifted her fingers to her lips in surprise.

“I’m not saying that everything is roses, but I’m figuring shit out. Or at least trying to.”

“I’m happy for you, Miles. Truly, I am.”

“I’ve talked about you a lot. My feelings and insecurities. I even admitted my curiosity about submission and how it can help me. At first, I wasn’t sure how comfortable I’d be talking about that with her, but she never batted an eye or looked like she was judging me. Eventually, the words just started pouring out. I’ve also been talking a lot with Connor. He’s opened my eyes to what submission could do for me. To help me get rid of this guilt. It’s suffocating me, Josie.”

As if on cue, a heaviness developed in my chest and began to grow as Malcolm’s accusatory face suddenly appeared like an apparition behind Josie. I couldn’t tear my eyes away from the spirit I knew wasn’t real. The pressure grew enough that I couldn’t catch a full breath, and black spots danced in my vision, as the regret demonstrated its power and control over me. I vaguely thought I heard my name being called, but the sound was so dim and faded I couldn’t be sure. Then, it was quiet. Pressure built against my face, then a wetness against my mouth startled me back to awareness as I realized that Josie’s lips were pressed against mine, her tongue teasing my seam for entrance. A sharp yank to my hair roused me even further and banished the crippling heaviness.

Unconsciously, I opened to the unspoken command as Josie’s tongue burst past the opening and swept the inside of my mouth. She sipped and drank from me as though parched, and I was her only sustenance. Of their own accord, my hands pulled her hips into mine, our lips never breaking contact. The kiss went on, neither of us willing to break our tenuous connection.

Her citrus scent tickled my nose, while the softness of her hips beneath my hands had my fingers twitching. Josie pulled slightly away, sucking my lower lip between hers, and a bolt of arousal shot through me when she nipped it with her even, white teeth. Our hips were still connected, and her arms remained wrapped around my neck as she arched back slightly to look me in the eyes.

“What happened just now?” She spoke softly, testing my response to the possible trigger question.

I wanted to deny anything even though we both knew it would have been a lie. But one of the most important things Dr. Parrish had stressed to me was that I needed to communicate when I was struggling. I also knew that if I were to enter a D/s relationship with Josie, she would need to be aware of any triggers I might have. Which meant I had to disclose things. Uncomfortable things. Things I would much rather push way deep down inside and forget about. But I couldn’t.

“I couldn’t breathe. It was as though an elephant rested on my chest making me physically unable to inhale. Dr. Parrish says I have PTSD. And it comes with lots of fun features like panic attacks. Malcolm likes to visit me at unexpected times. He’s that uninvited house guest who overstays their welcome.”

“God, Miles, I’m so sorry.”

I shrugged a little. “I’m trying to deal with it. I can only take it day by day.”

Something had been on my mind for a couple days now, and I knew I needed to take the leap, but my toes were stuck at the end of the diving board, and I just keep staring down at the deep end of the pool. I couldn’t force my feet to move, so I didn’t want to mention anything about my plan in case I continued to remain frozen in fear and uncertainty.

Josie’s fingers threaded through my hair. “I could command you to come to Eden, but I haven’t earned that right as your Domme yet. But, when you’re ready to embrace your submissive side, you know where to find me. The release you’ll experience will be unlike any you’ve ever had before.”

It was scary how well this woman knew me. I’d been working up the nerve to come to Eden. To meet Josie on her terms. I just had to plug my nose, close my eyes, and jump.

---